• Big Bird as Kermit the Frog
  • Snuffy as Fozzie Bear
  • Grover as Gonzo
  • Professor Hastings as Pops
  • Count von Count as Dr. Teeth
  • Telly Monster as Floyd Pepper
  • Cookie Monster as Animal
  • Rosita as Janice
  • Old McDougal as Lips
  • Hoots the Owl as Zoot
  • Forgetful Jones as Beauregard
  • Biff as Dr. Bunsen Honeydew
  • Sully as Beaker
  • Murray Monster as Lew Zealand
  • The Amazing Mumford as The Swedish Chef
  • Baby Bear as Rowlf the Dog
  • Ernie as Scooter
  • Elmo as Rizzo the Rat
  • Oscar the Grouch as Sam the Eagle
  • Big Jeffy as Lubbock Lou
  • Farmer Frankie as Gramps
  • Ingrid as Lou
  • Marshal McClean as Zeke
  • Humphrey as Slim Wilson
  • Farley as Bubba
  • Harvey Kneeslapper as Crazy Harry
  • Zoe as Annie Sue
  • Rocky (cat) as Gaffer
  • Harvey Monster, Clancy Monster and Kermit the Forg as Rats
  • The Oinker Sisters as Chickens
  • Warren Wolf as Louis Kazagger
  • Guy Smiley as The Newsman


Big Bird: Oh, look. The Happiness Hotel. What do you think, guys?
Snuffy: Ah. If that's the Happiness Hotel, I hate to see what the sad one looks like.
Big Bird: Excuse me.
Professor Hastings: What?
Big Bird: We like a room.
Professor Hastings: Really?
Big Bird: Yeah, we like to check in.
Professor Hastings: Somebody's checking in.
Everyone: Somebody's checking in?

Professor Hastings: Oh, there's no fire in the fireplace
There's no carpet on the floor
Don't try to order dinner
There's no kitchen anymore
But if the road's been kinda bumpy
And you need to rest a spell

Everyone: Well, welcome home
To Happiness Hotel

Professor Hastings: Hey, how are you guys fixing to pay?
Big Bird: What are our choices?
Professor Hastings: A: credit card. B: cash. C: sneak out in the middle of the night.
Snuffy: We'll take C.
Professor Hastings: Very popular choice.

Ernie: If you've got luggage keep it handy
But you're running out of luck
'Cause the bellhops ain't too organized
And the elevator's stuck

Elmo: Still if you don't mind friendly animals
And you can learn to stand the smell

Everyone: Well, welcome home
To Happiness Hotel

Big Bird: You know, I may be mistaken, but the bellhops look like monsters.
Baby Bear: You should see the chambermaids.

Everyone: Welcome home
(Welcome home)
Oh, welcome home
(Welcome home)
No matter where you wander
You will never do as well

Telly Monster: Okay, the lobby's looking shabby
And it's got the wrong address

Count von Count: And the whole dang thing has been
condemned by American Express

Rosita: Still the management is cheerful
Though the whole joint's gone to hell

Cookie Monster: Well, welcome home to Happiness Hotel

Big Bird: You guys live here?
Telly Monster: Yeah, but only between gigs.
So that means we've been here this time five years.

Rosita: Yeah, but, you know,
our agent, he says...
things are really gonna break
as soon as we get our new glossies.

Cookie Monster: Ah ah ah ah!
Big Bird: What's wrong with the drummer? He looks a little crazed.
Hoots the Owl: He's upset about missing the Rembrandt exhibit at the National Gallery.
Cookie Monster: RENOIR!

Baby Bear: Oh there are bugs (there are bugs)
And there are lice (there are lice)

Ernie: Sure we have our little problems
But you'll never beat the price

Snuffy: You've got every kind of critter
Grover: You've got every kind of pest
Professor Hastings: But we treat them all as equals
Just like any other guest

Everyone: Though you're cleaner than the others
Still as far as we can tell
You'll fit right in to Happiness Hotel
Big Bird and Snuffy: We'll fit right in
Everyone: to Happiness Hotel

Grover: Say cheese! (laughing)

Oscar the Grouch: You are all weirdos! Yuck!

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