- Arnold Shortman as Alex
- La Sombra as the Count
- Gerald Johanssen as Blade
- Harold Berman as Cookie Monster
- Lorenzo as Big Bird
- Curly as Oscar the Grouch
- Sid as Ernie
- Eugene Horowitz as Bert
- Stinky Peterson as Grover
- Lila Sawyer as Elmo
- Helga Pataki as Count Chocula
[side of a building]
New Guy (Arnold): Thanks for throwing me a welcoming party, La Sombra! I've never been to a party hosted by a vampire before.
La Sombra: I do it for all the newcomers, Arnold. After tonight, I guarantee you'll be... one of us. (laugh)
[cut to inside of building, with scenarios of: Lorenzo and Curly partying, along with Harold deejaying, Sid and Eugene hugging in content, and Stinky making out with two girls.]
Arnold: I guess when our show's guests include Katy Perry and Ice Tea, it's a slippery slope. (woos in joy) Hey, Stinky! Hi, Phoebe!
[blood drips onto Arnold's arm, followed by all the sprinklers leaking blood, zombifying the other Hillwoods]
Arnold: Oh, no! La Sombra! He turned you all into... to... the undead!
La Sombra: If you assumed I was a vampire in every other way but that, man I'd count one. One moron!
[La Sombra shoves Arnold onto the floor, trying to crawl away from the newly born Hillwood zombies.]
Arnold: Oh, no! (runs into a tall kid in black with shades, who is Gerald) Oh, nice character intro! How long have you been here watching me urinate myself?!
La Sombra: Get him!
[Gerald readies a shotgun, and shoots the Zombie Hillwoods, in order: Stinky, Harold, (punches Lila, strangles Sid and Eugene, followed by bashing their heads together, and then using a sword to cut Lorenzo's head, but not before him saying:)
Lorenzo: "S" is for "severed".
[then Gerald decapitates Lorenzo, and proceeds to attempt to shoot Curly, but the metal trash can keeps deflecting the bullets]
Curly: Ha! Flawless, built-in defense system! Wait what are you doing?!
[Gerald lifts the lid, and then successfully kills Curly, followed by La Somba flinging himself at Gerald, who in turn holds him against a wall]
La Sombra: I see one, one dead... Oh my goodness, there's not a speck of blood on you. What, do you keep a pack of Handi-Wipes in that flight jacket?
Gerald: No, just this. [pulls out a grenade]
La Sombra: One, two...
Gerald: Stop counting!
La Sombra: That was a play-by-play. I just urinated in my own pants.
[Gerald stuffs the grenade in La Sombra's mouth and throws him aside before La Sombra groans in agony for a few seconds prior to exploding. Gerald then helps Arnold to his feet.]
Arnold: Wow, so I guess if you've hunted all the way to Hillwood, you must have gotten every vampire in the world.
Gerald: Not quite.
[cut to Helga's castle]
Helga: Who wants some of my Helga cereal? Which if looked at from a very specific point of view is a nutritious part of this balanced breakfast!
[Gerald cocks a shotgun]
[Gerald blows Helga's brains out]