• Arnold Shortman as Alex
  • La Sombra as the Count
  • Gerald Johanssen as Blade
  • Harold Berman as Cookie Monster
  • Lorenzo as Big Bird
  • Curly as Oscar the Grouch
  • Sid as Ernie
  • Eugene Horowitz as Bert
  • Stinky Peterson as Grover
  • Lila Sawyer as Elmo
  • Helga Pataki as Count Chocula


[side of a building]

New Guy (Arnold): Thanks for throwing me a welcoming party, La Sombra!  I've never been to a party hosted by a vampire before.

La Sombra: I do it for all the newcomers, Arnold.  After tonight, I guarantee you'll be... one of us. (laugh)

[cut to inside of building, with scenarios of: Lorenzo and Curly partying, along with Harold deejaying, Sid and Eugene hugging in content, and Stinky making out with two girls.]

Arnold: I guess when our show's guests include Katy Perry and Ice Tea, it's a slippery slope. (woos in joy)  Hey, Stinky! Hi, Phoebe!

[blood drips onto Arnold's arm, followed by all the sprinklers leaking blood, zombifying the other Hillwoods]

Arnold: Oh, no!  La Sombra!  He turned you all into... to... the undead!

La Sombra: If you assumed I was a vampire in every other way but that, man I'd count one.  One moron!

[La Sombra shoves Arnold onto the floor, trying to crawl away from the newly born Hillwood zombies.]

Arnold: Oh, no! (runs into a tall kid in black with shades, who is Gerald)  Oh, nice character intro!  How long have you been here watching me urinate myself?!

La Sombra: Get him!

[Gerald readies a shotgun, and shoots the Zombie Hillwoods, in order: Stinky, Harold, (punches Lila, strangles Sid and Eugene, followed by bashing their heads together, and then using a sword to cut Lorenzo's head, but not before him saying:)

Lorenzo: "S" is for "severed".

[then Gerald decapitates Lorenzo, and proceeds to attempt to shoot Curly, but the metal trash can keeps deflecting the bullets]

Curly: Ha! Flawless, built-in defense system! Wait what are you doing?!

[Gerald lifts the lid, and then successfully kills Curly, followed by La Somba flinging himself at Gerald, who in turn holds him against a wall]

La Sombra: I see one, one dead... Oh my goodness, there's not a speck of blood on you. What, do you keep a pack of Handi-Wipes in that flight jacket?

Gerald: No, just this. [pulls out a grenade]

La Sombra: One, two...

Gerald: Stop counting!

La Sombra: That was a play-by-play. I just urinated in my own pants.

[Gerald stuffs the grenade in La Sombra's mouth and throws him aside before La Sombra groans in agony for a few seconds prior to exploding. Gerald then helps Arnold to his feet.]

Arnold: Wow, so I guess if you've hunted all the way to Hillwood, you must have gotten every vampire in the world.

Gerald: Not quite.

[cut to Helga's castle]

Helga: Who wants some of my Helga cereal?  Which if looked at from a very specific point of view is a nutritious part of this balanced breakfast!

[Gerald cocks a shotgun]

Helga: You!

[Gerald blows Helga's brains out]