- Eric Cartman as James
- Heinrich Von Marzipan as Toby
- Numbuh 4 as Percy
- Randy Marsh as Sir Topham Hatt
- Ringo Starr as UK Narrator
- George Carlin as US Narrator
- Manfred Steffen as German Narrator
- Eric Cartman: What dirty objects!
- Heinrich Von Marzipan: Herr Cartman, Vhy are you vearing your coat in red?
- Eric Cartman: I'm a splendid bigboned kid, ready for anything. You never see my coat get dirty.
- Heinrich Von Marzipan: Oh. Zat is vhy you vonce needed ein veight gain four zousand, to be ready, I suppose.
- Eric Cartman: Dirty 6th Graders from dirty sidings, Yek!
- Heinrich Von Marzipan: Look here, Herr Four!, Vhatever is zat dirty object?
- Numbuh 4: That's Eric Cartman, didn't you know?
- Heinrich Von Marzipan: It is Herr Cartman's body, But Herr Cartman is ein splendid bigboned Kinderlein, und you never see his coat dirty.