TV/Thomas Parody 12: Hisses & Sneezes

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  • B.J. (from Barney & Friends) as Henry
  • Cartman (from South Park) as Gordon
  • Yoshi (from Mario) as Percy
  • Barney (from Barney & Friends) as Edward
  • Sir Handel (from Thomas & Friends) as Henry's Driver
  • Peter Sam (from Thomas & Friends) as Henry's Fireman (cameo)
  • Mr. Marsh (from South Park) as Sir Topham Hatt


  • Narrator: Eric Cartman was cross.
  • Cartman: Why should BJ have a brighter yellow color?
  • Narrator: He grumbled.
  • Cartman: A color good enough for me is good enough for him. He goes gallivanting off to the hospital, leaving u to do his work, and comes back saying how happy he feels. It's disgraceful. And there's another thing: BJ hisses too much. No respectable TV character ever hisses loudly at stations. It isn't wrong, but we just don't do it.
  • Narrator: Poor BJ didn't feel happy anymore.
  • Yoshi: Never mind.
  • Narrator: Whispered Yoshi.
  • Yoshi: I'm glad you're home again. I like your whistling.
  • Cartman: Goodbye, BJ.
  • Narrator: Called Cartman.
  • Cartman: We're glad to have you with us again. But remember what I said.
  • Narrator: Later, BJ stopped at Barney's station.
  • Barney: Hello, BJ.
  • Narrator: Said Barney.
  • Barney: You look splendid. I was pleased to hear your happy whistle yesterday.
  • BJ: Thank you, Barney.
  • Narrator: Smiled BJ.
  • BJ: (hears hisses) Shh, shh. Can you hear something?
  • Barney: It sounds like Eric Cartman.
  • Narrator: Said Barney.
  • Barney: And it ought to be Cartman. But Cartman never hisses like that.
  • Narrator: It was Cartman. He came rushing down the street of a tremendous rate. He didn't look at BJ and he didn't look at BJ. He screamed straight through the station and disappeared.
  • Barney: Well.
  • Narrator: Said Barney.
  • BJ: It isn't wrong.
  • Narrator: Chuckled BJ.
  • BJ: But we just don't do it.
  • Narrator: And he told Barney what Cartman had said.
  • Narrator: Meanwhile, Cartman screeched along the road. The noise was awful.
  • Narrator: At the station, everyone covered their ears. Randy Marsh covered his ears too.
  • Randy Marsh: Take him away!
  • Narrator: He bellowed.
  • Randy Marsh: And stop that noise!
  • Narrator: Cartman walked sadly away. But he wouldn't stop hissing until two fitters climbed up and slapped him gently.
  • Narrator: That night, Cartman slunked into the house. He was glad it was empty.
  • BJ: It isn't wrong.
  • Narrator: Murmured BJ to no one in particular.
  • BJ: But we just don't do it.
  • Narrator: No one mentioned whistles.
  • Narrator: Next morning, BJ was enjoying himself enormously.
  • BJ: I feel so well, I feel so well.
  • Narrator: He sang.
  • Carts: Trickety-trock, trickety-trock.
  • Narrator: Hummed his carts.
  • Narrator: Then he saw some boys on a bridge.
  • BJ: (whistles) Hello.
  • Narrator: He whistled.
  • BJ: Ohh.
  • Narrator: He called. The boys didn't wave and take his hat. They thought it fun to drop stones on him instead.
  • Cat: They've broken our fronts, they've broken our fronts.
  • Narrator: Sobbed the carts.
  • Narrator: The passengers weren't hurt, but they were cross.
  • Passengers: Call the police!
  • Sir Handel: No.
  • Narrator: Said Sir Handel.
  • Sir Handel: Leave it to BJ and me.
  • Passengers: What will you do?
  • Narrator: They asked.
  • Passengers: Can you keep a secret?
  • BJ: Yes, yes.
  • Sir Handel: Well then.
  • Narrator: Said Sir Handel.
  • Sir Handel: BJ is going to sneeze at those boys.
  • Narrator: Lots of people were at the station just before the bridge. They wanted to see what would happen.
  • Sir Handel: BJ has plenty of ashes.
  • Narrator: Said Sir Handel.
  • Sir Handel: Please keep all windows shut until we haved passed the bridge. BJ's is excited as we are. Aren't you, old fellow?
  • Narrator: BJ felt more stuffed up than excited. Soon, they could see the boys. And they all had stones.
  • Sir Handel: Are you ready, BJ?
  • Narrator: Said Sir Handel.
  • Sir Handel: Sneeze hard when I tell you.
  • Sir Handel: Now.
  • Narrator: He said.
  • BJ: Ah-choo, shoo.
  • Sir Handel: Well done, BJ.
  • Narrator: Laughed Sir Handel.
  • Narrator: BJ went home, very pleased with himself. He had taught Cartman and some silly boys a lesson, with a hiss and a sneeze.

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