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Ten Cents (from TUGS) as Bertie (does not speak)
Luigi (from Mario) as Duck
Zorran (from TUGS) as Bulgy
Bart (from The Simpsons) as Oliver
The Carts as The Coaches
Oliver and Stepney (from Thomas & Friends) as Duck's Crew
Various Hens as Themselves
Various Passengers as Themselves
George Carlin as The Narrator
George Carlin: It was a special holiday in Bigg City Port. Ten Cents the tugboat was working harder than ever before. All the TV characters were busy, too. Luigi was waiting for his next journey. Near him stood another tug, but he didn't look friendly like Ten Cents. The tug growled as he gazed at the happy passengers.
Zorran: Stupid nonsense!
George Carlin: He grumbled.
Zorran: I wouldn't have brought them if I'd known. I'd have had a breakdown or something.
Luigi: I'm glad you didn't.
George Carlin: Smiled Luigi.
Luigi: You'd have spoiled their fun.
Zorran: Bah. Enjoyment is all you TV characters live for. One day, television will be ripped up!
George Carlin: Luigi felt shocked at such an idea.
Luigi: We have a friend called Ten Cents, and he's a tugboat, but he likes television. Sometimes he teases us about it, but he'd never want to see it ripped up.
George Carlin: Growled the tug.
Zorran: I know Ten Cents. He's too small in size to be of any use.
George Carlin: Luigi took no notice.
Luigi: That tug is silly.
George Carlin: He thought, as he walked away. At the junction, Luigi told Bart all about him.
Bart: I call him Zorran!
George Carlin: Chuckled Bart, then he walked happily away. But that afternoon, when the two characters met again, Bart was no longer laughing.
Bart: Zorran's friend has come.
George Carlin: He said.
Bart: He's rude, too! He's taking Zorran's passengers home, so as to leave Zorran free to steal ours.
Luigi: But he can't!
George Carlin: Objected Luigi.
Bart: Zorran says he can get them to Big City Port before us.
George Carlin: Replied Luigi.
Luigi: It's much further by river.
George Carlin: Continued Bart.
Bart: But Zorran says he knows a shortcut!
George Carlin: That evening, the characters were preparing for the homeward rush.
Luigi: Where are the passengers?
George Carlin: They wondered.
George Carlin: Shrilled Bart.
Bart: Look at Zorran! He's a mean, big deceiver!
George Carlin: Zorran was wearing a large sign, saying, 'TV Tug".
Zorran: Yeah, boo, snubs!
George Carlin: He jeered, as he roared away.
Luigi: Come on,
George Carlin: Puffed Luigi to his coaches,
Luigi: Let's see what he's up to!
George Carlin: Wade wanted to pay Zorran out, but he wasn't sure how. Then, in the distance, Luigi saw a red flag. That meant 'Danger'. The line here crosses a narrow river, and there was Zorran, wedged firmly under the bridge.
Luigi: So this was his shortcut!
George Carlin: Chucked Luigi.
Passengers: He tricked us!
George Carlin: Shouted Zorran's passengers.
Passengers: He said he was an TV Tug, but he wouldn't accept our return tickets! He wanted us to think television was no good!
George Carlin: Oliver examined the bridge.
Oliver: It's risky, but we must help the passengers.
Luigi: Passengers are urgent.
George Carlin: Agreed Luigi. Luigi slowly and carefully set off across the bridge. Zorran wailed as he felt the bridge quiver.
George Carlin: He shouted.
Zorran: It might fall on me!
Luigi: That would serve you right for telling lies.
George Carlin: Said Luigi, but the bridge didn't collapse. Luigi made good time, and all the passengers caught their rides. The bridge is now mended, but not unfortunately, Zorran and his ways. He never learned sense. He's a henhouse now, and his lies can do no harm. The hens never listen to them, anyway.