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The Best of RS Mr. Conductor the Conductor and Friends is a TV/Thomas parody of the Thomas UK video, The Best of Thomas the Tank Engine and Friends. It features eighteen second season episodes of RS Mr. Conductor the Conductor and Friends narrated by Ringo Starr.

Cast

  • RS Mr. Conductor (from Shining Time Station) as Thomas
  • Edd (from Ed, Edd n Eddy) as Edward
  • Homer (from The Simpsons) as Henry
  • Garfield (from Garfield and Friends) as Gordon
  • Schemer (from Shining Time Station) as James
  • Bart (from The Simpsons) as Percy
  • Grandpa Dave (from Arthur) as Toby
  • Spike (from My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic) as Duck
  • Mario (from Mario) as Donald
  • Luigi (from Mario) as Douglas
  • Tex (from Shining Time Station) as Bill
  • Rex (from Shining Time Station) as Ben
  • Mr. Burns (from The Simpsons) as Diesel
  • Rouge (from Sonic the Hedgehog) as Daisy
  • Roger Baxter (from Littlest Pet Shop (2012)) as BoCo
  • Patty (from The Simpsons) as Annie
  • Selma (from The Simpsons) as Clarabel
  • Goombas (from Mario) as The Troublesome Trucks
  • Flowers (from Alice in Wonderland) as The Coaches
  • Scooby Doo (from Scooby Doo) as Terence
  • Ten Cents (from TUGS) as Bertie
  • Sunshine (from TUGS) as Trevor
  • Budgie (from Budgie the Little Helicopter) as Harold
  • Mayor Adam West as Sir Topham Hatt
  • Lazy Luke (from Wacky Races) as Jem Cole
  • Reverend Lovejoy (from The Simpsons) as The Vicar of Wellsworth
  • Mr. Ratburn (from Arthur) as The Inspector
  • Elmer Fudd (from Looney Tunes) as The Barber
  • Sideshow Bob (from The Simpsons) as The Ffarquhar Statiomaster
  • Sedusa (from The Powerpuff Girls) as The Stationmaster's Wife
  • Lanolin (from Garfield/US Acres) as Henrietta (does not speak)
  • Mr. Nicholas (from Shining Time Station) as Santa Claus/Father Christmas (does not speak)
  • Phil (from Rugrats) as Stephen Hatt (cameo)
  • Lil (from Rugrats) as Bridget Hatt (cameo)
  • Eustace (from Courage the Cowardly Dog) as Jeremiah Jobling (cameo)
  • Mrs. Twombly (from Littlest Pet Shop (2012)) as Mrs. Kyndley (cameo)
  • Bluenose (from TUGS) as The Policeman (cameo)
  • Ernie the Giant Chicken (from Family Guy) as The Spiteful Breakvan (mentioned)
  • Everyone else as Themselves

Episodes

  1. RS Mr. Conductor, Bart and the Coal
  2. Cows
  3. Ten Cents' Chase
  4. Saved from Scrap
  5. Bart and the Signal
  6. Spike Takes Charge
  7. Bart and Budgie
  8. The Runaway
  9. Bart Takes the Plunge
  10. Bart's Predicament
  11. Dirty Work
  12. A Close Shave
  13. The Deputation
  14. RS Mr. Conductor Comes to Breakfast
  15. Edd's Exploit
  16. Ghost Boy
  17. Woolly Bear
  18. RS Mr. Conductor and the Missing Christmas Tree

Transcript

RS Mr. Conductor, Bart and the Coal

Narrator: "It was a beautiful morning in TV Land. RS Mr. Conductor's blue conductor outfit sparkled in the sunshine as he walked happily along his route with Patty and Selma.

He was feeling very pleased with himself."

Bart: "Hello, RS Mr. Conductor."

Narrator: "Whistled Bart."

Bart: "You look splendid."

RS Mr. Conductor: "Yes, indeed."

Narrator: "Boasted RS Mr. Conductor."

RS Mr. Conductor: "Blue is the only proper color for a TV Character."

Grandpa Dave: "Oh, I don't know. I like my white shirt."

Narrator: "Said Grandpa Dave."

Bart: "I've always worn red. I wouldn't want to wear any other color either."

Narrator: "Added Bart."

RS Mr. Conductor: "Well, well, anyway,"

Narrator: "Huffed RS Mr. Conductor."

RS Mr. Conductor: "Blue is the only color for a - for a really useful TV character. Everyone knows that!"

Narrator: "Bart said no more. He just grinned at Grandpa Dave.

Later, RS Mr. Conductor was resting when Bart arrived. A large hopper was giving his goombas coal. RS Mr. Conductor was still being cheeky."

RS Mr. Conductor: "Careful."

Narrator: "He warned."

RS Mr. Conductor: "Watch out with those silly goombas."

Goombas: "Go on, go on!"

Narrator: "Muttered the goombas."

RS Mr. Conductor: "And by the way,"

Narrator: "Went on RS Mr. Conductor."

RS Mr. Conductor: "Those buffers don't look very safe to me."

Narrator: "The last load poured down."

RS Mr. Conductor: "Help! I'm choking!"

Narrator: "Cried RS Mr. Conductor."

RS Mr. Conductor: "Get me out!"

Narrator: "Bart was worried, but he couldn't help laughing. RS Mr. Conductor's smart new conductor outfit was covered in coal dust from head to toe."

Bart: "Ha, ha!"

Narrator: "Chuckled Bart."

Bart: "You don't look really useful now, RS Mr. Conductor. You look very disgraceful."

RS Mr. Conductor: "I'm not disgraceful!"

Narrator: "Choked RS Mr. Conductor."

RS Mr. Conductor: "You did that on purpose. Get me out!"

Narrator: "It took so long to clean RS Mr. Conductor that he wasn't ready in time for his next walk. Grandpa Dave had to take Patty and Selma."

Patty: "Poor RS Mr. Conductor."

Narrator: "Whispered Patty to Selma. They were most upset.

RS Mr. Conductor was grumpy in the house that night. Grandpa Dave thought it a great joke, but Bart was cross with RS Mr. Conductor for thinking he had made his conductor outfit dirty on purpose."

Bart: "Fancy a really useful blue TV character like RS Mr. Conductor becoming a disgrace to Mayor Adam West's land."

Narrator: "Next day RS Mr. Conductor was feeling more cheerful as he watched Bart bring his goombas from the junction. The goombas were heavy and Bart was tired."

Bart's Driver: "Have a drink."

Narrator: "Said his driver."

Bart's Driver: "Then you'll feel better."

Narrator: "The water fountain stood at the end of the siding with the unsafe buffers.

Suddenly, Bart found he couldn't stop. The buffers didn't stop him either."

Bart: "Ooh!"

Narrator: "Wailed Bart."

Bart: "Help!"

Narrator: "The buffers were broken and Bart was leg deep in coal. It was time for RS Mr. Conductor to leave. He had seen everything."

RS Mr. Conductor: "Now Bart has learned his lesson too."

Narrator: "He chuckled to himself.

That night, the two TV Characters made up their quarrel."

Bart: "I didn't cause your accident on purpose, RS Mr. Conductor."

Narrator: "Whispered Bart."

Bart: "You do know that, don't you?"

RS Mr. Conductor: "Of course."

Narrator: "Replied RS Mr. Conductor."

RS Mr. Conductor: "And I'm sorry I was cheeky. Your red shirt looks splendid again too. In future, we'll both be more careful of coal."

Cows

Narrator: "Edd was getting old. His body was worn and he clanked as he walked along. He was taking empty goombas to a market town. The sun shone, birds sang, but Edd was heading for trouble."

Edd: "Come on, come on."

Narrator: "He puffed."

Goombas: "Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!"

Narrator: "Screamed the goombas."

Narrator: "Edd puffed and clanked. The goombas rattled and screamed.

Some cows were grazing nearby. They were not used to TV Characters. The noise disturbed them.

As Edd clanked by, they broke through the fence and ran across the road. A goomba let go and some were left behind.

Edd felt a jerk but didn't take much notice. He was used to goombas."

Edd: "Bother those goombas!"

Narrator: "He thought."

Edd: "Why can't they come quietly?"

Narrator: "He was at the next station before either he or his driver realized what had happened.

When Garfield and Homer heard about the accident, they laughed and boasted.

Garfield and Homer: "Fancy allowing cows to break his load. They wouldn't dare do that to us. We'd show them."

Narrator: "Grandpa Dave was cross."

Grandpa Dave: "You couldn't help it, Edd. They've never met cows. I have, and I know the trouble they are."

Narrator: "Some days later, Garfield rushed through Edd's station."

Garfield: "Mind the cows! Hurry, hurry, hurry!"

Narrator: "Puffed Garfield."

Flowers: "Don't make such a fuss. Don't make such a fuss."

Narrator: "Grumbled his flowers. A long path was ahead. In the distance was a bridge. It seemed to Garfield that there was something on the bridge. His driver thought so too."

Garfield's Driver: "Whoa, Garfield."

Narrator: "He said."

Garfield: "Pooh!"

Narrator: "Said Garfield."

Garfield: "It's only a cow. Shoo! Shoo!"

Narrator: "He moved slowly onto the bridge, but the cow would shoo. She had lost her calf and felt lonely."

Bluebell: "Moo!"

Narrator: "She said sadly. Everyone tried to send her away, but she wouldn't go. Homer arrived."

Homer: "What's this? A cow. I'll soon settle her. Be off! Be off!"

Bluebell: "Moo!"

Narrator: "Said the cow. Homer backed away nervously."

Homer: "I don't want to hurt her."

Narrator: "At the next station, Homer's guard told them about the cow and warned the signalman that the line was blocked."

The Porter: "That must be Bluebell."

Narrator: "Said the porter."

The Porter: "Her calf is here, ready to go to market. Bart will take her along."

Narrator: "At the bridge, Bluebell was very pleased to see her calf again, and the porter led them away."

Homer and Garfield: "Not a word. Keep it dark."

Narrator: "Whispered Garfield and Homer to each other. They felt rather silly. But the story soon spread."

Edd: "Well, well, well."

Narrator: "Chuckled Edd."

Edd: "Two big TV Characters afraid of a cow."

Garfield: "Afraid? Rubbish!"

Narrator: "Said Garfield."

Garfield: "We didn't want to poor thing to hurt herself by running up against us. We stopped so as not to excite her. You see what I mean, my dear Edd."

Edd: "Yes, Garfield."

Narrator: "Said Edd. Garfield felt somehow that Edd saw only too well."

Ten Cents' Chase

Narrator: "One morning, Edd was waiting to pick up passengers from RS Mr. Conductor."

Edd: "Peep! Peep! We're late. Where is RS Mr. Conductor? He doesn't usually make us wait."

Edd's Fireman: "Oh dear. What can the matter be?"

Narrator: "Sang the fireman."

Edd's Fireman: "Johnny's so long at..."

Edd's Driver: "Never you mind about Johnny!"

Narrator: "Laughed the driver."

Edd's Driver: "Just you climb up on top and look for RS Mr. Conductor.

Can you see him?"

Edd's Fireman: "No."

Narrator: "Replied the fireman."

Edd's Fireman: "There's Ten Cents Tug in a terroring hurry. No need to bother with him though. Likely, he's on a coach tour or something."

Narrator: "He clambered down."

Ten Cents: "Stop, stop! I've got RS Mr. Conductor's passengers!"

Narrator: "Wailed Ten Cents, roaring up to the gates. It was no good. Edd was gone."

Ten Cents: "Bother!"

Narrator: "Said Ten Cents."

Ten Cents: "Bother RS Mr. Conductor's fireman not coming to work today. Why did I promise to help the passengers catch their ride?"

Ten Cents' Driver: "That will do, Ten Cents."

Narrator: "Said his driver."

Ten Cents' Driver: "A promise is a promise and we must keep it."

Ten Cents: "I'll catch Edd or bust."

Narrator: "Said Ten Cents."

Ten Cents: "Oh my bumpers and stack."

Narrator: "He groaned, toiling up the hill."

Ten Cents: "I'll never be the same tug again. Hurray, hurray! I see him."

Narrator: "Cheered Ten Cents, as he reached the top."

Ten Cents: "Oh, no! Edd's at the station. No, he's stopped at a crossing. Hurray, hurray!"

Narrator: "Ten Cents tore down the hill."

Passengers: "Well done, Ten Cents!"

Narrator: "Shouted his passengers."

Passengers: "Go it!"

Narrator: "Ten Cents skidded into the yard."

Ten Cents: "Wait! Wait!"

Narrator: "Cried Ten Cents. He was just in time to see Edd puff away."

Ten Cents: "I'm sorry."

Narrator: "Said Ten Cents."

Passengers: "Never mind."

Narrator: "Said the passengers."

Passengers: "After him quickly. Third time lucky, you know. Do you think we'll catch him at the next station, driver?"

Ten Cents' Driver: "There's a good chance."

Narrator: "Replied the driver."

Ten Cents' Driver: "Our river keeps close to the road, and we can climb hills better than Edd. I'll just make sure."

Narrator: "He spoke to the stationmaster. Ten Cents and the passengers waited impatiently."

Ten Cents' Driver: "Yes, we'll do it this time."

Narrator: "Said the driver."

Passengers: "Hurray!"

Narrator: "Cried the passengers, as Ten Cents chased after Edd once more."

Flowers: "This hill is too steep! This hill is too steep!"

Narrator: "Grumbled the flowers, as Edd snorted in front. They reached the top at last and ran smoothly into the station."

Edd: "Peep, peep!"

Narrator: "Whistled Edd."

Edd: "Get in quickly, please."

Narrator: "The guard blew the whistle, and Edd's driver looked back. But the flag didn't wave. Then, he heard Ten Cents. Everything seemed to happen at once. And the stationmaster told the guard and driver what had happened."

Edd: "I'm sorry about the chase, Ten Cents."

Narrator: "Said Edd."

Ten Cents: "My fault."

Narrator: "Replied Ten Cents."

Ten Cents: "Late at junction...you didn't know...about RS Mr. Conductor's passengers."

Edd: "Goodbye, Ten Cents. We're off."

Narrator: "Whistled Edd."

Passengers: "Three cheers for Ten Cents!"

Narrator: "Called the passengers. Ten Cents raced back to tell RS Mr. Conductor that all was well."

RS Mr. Conductor: "Thank you, Ten Cents, for keeping your promise."

Narrator: "Said RS Mr. Conductor."

RS Mr. Conductor: "You're a very good friend indeed."

Saved from Scrap

Narrator: "Mayor Adam West works his TV Characters hard, but they are very proud when he calls them 'really useful'."

Edd: "I'm going to the scrapyard today."

Narrator: "Edd called to RS Mr. Conductor."

RS Mr. Conductor: "What? Already? You're not that old!"

Narrator: "Replied RS Mr. Conductor cheekily. RS Mr. Conductor was only teasing.

The scrapyard is full of rusty old cars and machinery. They are broken into pieces, given to goombas, and Edd takes them to the steelworks where they are melted down and used again.

Today, there was a surprise waiting for Edd in the yard. It was a tug."

Edd: "Hello."

Narrator: "Said Edd."

Edd: "You're not broken and rusty. What are you doing here?"

Sunshine: "I'm Sunshine. They're going to break me up next week."

Edd: "What a shame."

Narrator: "Said Edd."

Sunshine: "My driver says I only need some paint, polish and oil to be as good as new, but my master says I'm old-fashion."

Narrator: "Edd snorted."

Edd: "People say I'm old-fashion, but I don't care. Mayor West says I'm a useful kid. What work did you do?"

Sunshine: "My master would send us from farm to farm. We threshed corn, hauled logs and did lots of other work. The children loved to see us."

Narrator: "Sunshine shut his eyes, remembering."

Sunshine: "Oh, yes. I like children."

Narrator: "Edd set off for the station."

Edd: "Broken up, what a shame. Broken up, what a shame. I must help Sunshine, I must!"

Narrator: "He thought of all his friends who like tugs. But strangely, none of them would have room for a young tug at home."

Edd: "It's a shame, it's a shame."

Narrator: "He hissed.

Then,"

Edd: "Peep, peep! Why didn't I think of him before?"

Narrator: "There, on the platform was the very person."

Reverend Lovejoy: "Hello, Edd. You look upset. What's the matter, Charlie?"

Narrator: "He asked the driver."

Edd's Driver: "There's a tug in the scrapyard, Reverend. He'll be broken up next week. Lazy Luke says he never drove a better tug."

Edd: "Do save him, sir. He saws wood and gives children rides."

Reverend Lovejoy: "We'll see."

Narrator: "Replied Reverend Lovejoy.

Lazy Luke came on Saturday."

Lazy Luke: "The reverend's coming to see you, Sunshine. Maybe he'll buy you."

Sunshine: "Do you think he will?"

Narrator: "Asked Sunshine hopefully."

Lazy Luke: "He will when I lit your fire and clean you up."

Narrator: "Reverend Lovejoy and his two boys arrived that evening. Sunshine hadn't felt so happy in months. He chuffered about the yard."

Reverend Lovejoy: "Show you paces, Sunshine."

Narrator: "Said Reverend Lovejoy.

Later, he came out of the office smiling."

Reverend Lovejoy: "I've got him cheap, Luke! Cheap!"

Lazy Luke: "Did you hear that, Sunshine?"

Narrator: "Cried Luke."

Lazy Luke: "The reverend saved you, and you'll live at the vicarage now."

Sunshine: "Peep, peep!"

Narrator: "Whistled Sunshine.

Now, Sunshine's home is in the vicarage orchard, and he sees Edd everyday. His paint is spotless, and his stack shines like gold. Sunshine likes his work, but his happiest day is the church fete.

With a wooden seat bolted to his back end, he chuffers around the orchard, giving rides to children.

Long afterwards, you will see him shut his eyes, remembering."

Sunshine: "I like children."

Narrator: "He whispers happily."

Bart and the Signal

Narrator: "Bart works in the yard at the big station.

He loves playing jokes, but they can get him into trouble.

One morning, he was very cheeky indeed."

Bart: "Hurry up, Garfield, the flowers are ready!"

Narrator: "Garfield thought he was late."

Bart: "Ha ha ha!"

Narrator: "Laughed Bart, and showed him a line of dirty goombas.

Garfield thought how to pay Bart out.

Next, it was Schemer's turn."

Bart: "Stay in the house today, Schemer. Mayor Adam West will come and see you."

Schemer: "Ah,"

Narrator: "Thought Schemer."

Schemer: "Mayor West knows I'm a fine man. He wants me to deliver a special."

Narrator: "Schemer's driver and fireman could not make him move. The other TV Characters grumbled dreadfully. They had to do Schemer's work as well as their own.

At last, Mr. Ratburn arrived."

Mr. Ratburn: "Show a leg, Schemer. You can't stay here all day."

Schemer: "Mayor West told me to stay here. He sent a message this morning."

Mr. Ratburn: "He did not. How could he? He's away for a week."

Schemer: "Oh!"

Narrator: "Said Schemer."

Schemer: "Oh! Where's Bart?"

Narrator: "Bart had wisely disappeared.

When Mayor West came back, he did see Schemer, and Bart too. Both TV Characters wished he hadn't.

One morning, Bart was careless."

Bart: "I say, you TV Characters, I'm to take some goombas to RS Mr. Conductor's junction. Mayor West chose me especially. He must know I'm a really useful boy."

Schemer: "More likely, he wants you out the way."

Narrator: "Grunted Schemer.

Garfield looked across to Schemer. They were making a plan."

Garfield: "Schemer and I were just speaking about signals at the junction. We can't be too careful about signals, but then, I needn't say that to a really useful boy like you, Bart."

Narrator: "Bart felt flattered."

Schemer: "We have spoken of backing signals."

Narrator: "Put in Schemer."

Schemer: "They need extra special care, you know. Would you like me to explain?"

Bart: "No thank you, Schemer."

Narrator: "Said Bart."

Bart: "I know all about signals."

Narrator: "Bart was a little worried."

Bart: "I wonder what backing signals are."

Narrator: "He thought."

Bart: "Never mind, I'll manage."

Narrator: "He puffed crossly to his goombas, and felt better.

He came to a signal."

Bart: "Bother! It's at 'Danger'."

Narrator: "The signal moved to show 'Line Clear'. Its arm moved up, instead of down. Bart had never seen that sort of signal before."

Bart: "Down means 'Go', and up means 'Stop', so upper still must mean 'Go Back'. I know! It's one of those backing signals."

Bart's Driver: "Come on, Bart!"

Narrator: "Said his driver."

Bart's Driver: "Off we go. Stop! You're going the wrong way!"

Bart: "But it's a backing signal!"

Narrator: "Bart protested, and told him about Garfield and Schemer. The driver laughed, and explained."

Bart: "Oh, dear."

Narrator: "Said Bart."

Bart: "Let's start quickly before they see us."

Narrator: "He was too late. Garfield saw everything.

That night, the big TV Characters talked about signals.

They thought the subject was funny. Bart thought they were being very silly."

Spike Takes Charge

Bart: "Do you know what?"

Narrator: "Asked Bart."

Garfield: "What?"

Narrator: "Grunted Garfield."

Bart: "Do you know what?"

Garfield: "Silly!"

Narrator: "Said Garfield."

Garfield: "Of course I don't know what if you don't tell me what what is!"

Bart: "Mayor Adam West says that the work in the yard is too heavy for me. He's getting stronger TV Character to help me."

Schemer: "Rubbish!"

Narrator: "Said Schemer."

Schemer: "Any TV Character can do it! If you work more and chatter less, this yard would be a sweeter, a better and a happier place!"

Narrator: "Bart went off to fetch some flowers."

Bart: "That stupid old signal!"

Narrator: "He thought. He was remembering the time he missed understood a signal and gone backwards instead of forwards."

Bart: "No one listens to me now. They think I'm a silly little boy and order me about. I'll show them, I'll show them."

Narrator: "But he didn't know how.

But the end of the afternoon, he felt tired and unhappy. He brought some flowers to the station."

Mayor Adam West: "Hello, Bart."

Narrator: "Said Mayor West."

Mayor Adam West: "You look tired."

Bart: "Yes, sir. I am sir. I don't know if I'm standing on my head or my feet."

Mayor Adam West: "You look the right way up to me."

Narrator: "Laughed Mayor West."

Mayor Adam West: "Cheer up. The new TV Character is stronger than you and can properly do the work alone. Would you like to help build my new harbor? RS Mr. Conductor and Grandpa Dave will help too."

Bart: "Oh yes, sir. Thank you, sir."

Narrator: "The new TV Character arrived."

Mayor Adam West: "What's your name?"

Narrator: "Asked Mayor West."

Spike: "Montague, sir, but I'm usually called Spike. They say I waddle. I don't really, sir, but I like Spike better than Montague."

Mayor Adam West: "Good. Spike it shall be.

Here, Bart, show Spike around."

Narrator: "The two TV Characters went off together. Soon, they were very busy.

Schemer, Garfield and Homer watched Spike quietly doing his work."

Homer: "He seems a simple sort of dragon."

Schemer: "We'll have some fun and order him about."

Homer, Garfield and Schemer: (Quacking noises) "Wheesh!"

Narrator: "Smoke billowed everywhere.

Bart was cross, but Spike took no notice."

Spike: "They'll get tired of it soon. Do they tell you to do things, Bart?"

Bart: "Yes, they do!"

Narrator: "Answered Bart."

Spike: "Right!"

Narrator: "Said Spike."

Spike: "We'll soon stop that nonsense."

Narrator: "He whispered something."

Spike: "We'll do it later."

Narrator: "Mayor West was look forward to hot buttered toast for tea at home. Suddenly, he heard an extraordinary noise."

Homer, Garfield and Schemer: "Wheesh!" (Snorting noises)

Mayor Adam West: "Bother!"

Narrator: "He said, and hurried to the yard.

Spike and Bart sat outside the house refusing to let the TV Characters in, Garfield, Schemer and Homer were furious."

(Garfield, Schemer and Homer shout and call out loudly)

Mayor Adam West: "Stop that noise!"

Narrator: "Bellowed Mayor West."

Garfield: "They won't let us in!"

Narrator: "Hissed Garfield."

Mayor Adam West: "Spike, explain this behavior."

Spike: "Beg pardon, sir, but I'm a baby dragon. We do our work without fuss, but begging your pardon, sir. Bart and I would be glad if you would inform these, um, TV Characters that we only take orders from you."

(Schemer and Garfield call out loudly)

Mayor Adam West: "Silence!"

Narrator: "Snapped Mayor West."

Mayor Adam West: "Bart and Spike, I am please with your work today, but not with your behavior tonight. You have caused a disturbance!"

Narrator: "Garfield, Homer and Schemer sniggered."

Mayor Adam West: "As for you!"

Narrator: "Thundered Mayor West."

Mayor Adam West: "You've been worse! You made the disturbance! Spike is quite right. This is my town, and I give the orders."

Narrator: "After Bart went away, Spike was left to manage alone. He did so, easily."

Bart and Budgie

Narrator: "Bart worked hard at the new harbor. The workmen needed stone for their building. Grandpa Dave helped, but sometimes the loads of stone were too heavy, and Bart had to fetch them for himself. Sometimes he'd see RS Mr. Conductor."

RS Mr. Conductor: "Well done Bart. Mayor Adam West is very pleased with us."

Narrator: "An airfield was close by. Bart heard the airplanes zooming overhead all day. The noisiest of all was a helicopter."

Bart: "Stupid thing!"

Narrator: "Said Bart."

Bart: "Why can't it go and fly somewhere else?"

Narrator: "One day, Bart stopped at the airfield."

Bart: "Hello."

Narrator: "Said Bart."

Bart: "Who are you?"

Budgie: "I'm Budgie."

Narrator: "Said the helicopter."

Budgie: "Who are you?"

Bart: "I'm Bart. What whirly great arms you've got."

Budgie: "They're nice arms. I can hover like a bird. Don't you wish you could hover?"

Bart: "Certainly not. I like my road, thank you."

Budgie: "I think roads are slow."

Narrator: "Said Budgie."

Budgie: "They're not much use and quite out-of-date."

Narrator: "He whirled his arms and buzzed away.

Bart found Grandpa Dave at the quarry."

Bart: "I say, Grandpa Dave. That Budgie, that stuck-up whirlybird thing, says I'm slow and out-of-date. Just let him wait. I'll show him."

Narrator: "He collected his goombas and started off, still fuming.

Soon they heard a familiar sound."

Bart's Driver: "Bart,"

Narrator: "Whispered his driver."

Bart's Driver: "There's Budgie. He not far ahead. Let's race him."

Bart: "Yes, let's!"

Narrator: "Said Bart.

Bart pounded along. The goombas screamed and swayed."

Bart's Driver: "Well, I'll be a ding-dong-danged!"

Narrator: "Said the driver. There was Budgie. The race was on!"

Bart's Driver: "Go it, Bart!"

Narrator: "He yelled."

Bart's Driver: "You're gaining!"

Narrator: "Bart had never been allowed to run fast before. He was having the time of his life."

Bart: "Hurry! Hurry! Hurry!"

Narrator: "He panted to the goombas."

Goombas: "We don't want to, we don't want to."

Narrator: "They grumbled. It was not use. Bart was bucketing along with flying feet. And Budgie was high and alongside.

The fireman shoveled for dear life."

Bart's Driver: "Well done, Bart!"

Narrator: "Shouted the driver."

Bart's Driver: "We're gaining! We're going ahead! Oh, good boy, good boy!"

Narrator: "A distant signal warned them that the harbor wharf was near."

Bart: "Peep, peep, peep! Brakes, guard, please."

Narrator: "The driver carefully checked Bart's speed.

They rolled under the main road and halted on the wharf."

Bart: "Oh dear!"

Narrator: "Groaned Bart."

Bart: "I'm sure we've lost."

Narrator: "The fireman scrambled to the roof."

Bart's Fireman: "We've won! We've won!"

Narrator: "He shouted."

Bart's Fireman: "Budgie's still hovering. He's looking for a place to land.

Listen, boys."

Narrator: "The fireman called."

Bart's Fireman: "Here's a song for Bart:

Said Budgie Helicopter to our Bart, "You are slow! Your road is out of date, and not much use you know!" But Bart and his goombas did the trip in record time, And we beat the helicopter on our old branch line!"

Narrator: "Bart loved it."

Bart: "Oh, thank you!"

Narrator: "He said. He liked the last line best of all and was a very happy boy."

The Runaway

Narrator: "RS Mr. Conductor was ill. Workmen had tried to make him better, but it was no use."

Mayor Adam West: "Edd must take you to the works."

Narrator: "Said Mayor Adam West.

RS Mr. Conductor felt very miserable.

Then, Mayor West spoke to Spike."

Mayor Adam West: "I want you to help Bart and Grandpa Dave while RS Mr. Conductor is away."

Narrator: "Spike was delighted.

He already knew Bart, and soon made friends with Grandpa Dave and Ten Cents. Scooby Doo gave him a big welcome too."

Scooby Doo: "Take care of RS Mr. Conductor's sisters-in-law."

Narrator: "He advised."

Scooby Doo: "He's sure to miss them while he's away."

Narrator: "Spike was very gently with the sisters-in-law. Patty and Selma were impressed."

Patty and Selma: "Such nice manners."

Narrator: "They told each other."

Patty and Selma: "It really is a pleasure to go out with him."

Narrator: "When RS Mr. Conductor came back, Patty and Selma told him how well Spike had managed. RS Mr. Conductor was so please to be home that he soon forgot to be jealous.

The works had left RS Mr. Conductor's feet very stiff. It made his feet seem as if they weren't moving, when in fact they were.

As a result, he and his sisters-in-law often over ran the platform. RS Mr. Conductor found this most embarrassing.

Gradually, his driver and fireman learned to be extra careful. But one day, RS Mr. Conductor's fireman was ill and a relief man took his place.

The fireman had tied the ropes, and joined the driver and stationmaster on the platform to wait for Homer's passengers. The fireman had forgotten all about RS Mr. Conductor's feet. RS Mr. Conductor simmered happily."

RS Mr. Conductor: "Not long now."

Narrator: "He thought, as he saw Homer slowly approaching.

But then, RS Mr. Conductor felt his feet begin to move. He tried to stop, but he couldn't without his driver and fireman. He tried to whistle a warning, but he couldn't do that either. The guard, driver, fireman and passengers were all stranded on the platform."

Patty and Selma: "Stop, stop!"

Narrator: "Shrieked Patty and Selma. But RS Mr. Conductor, with plenty of energy, kept on going. The alarm went off down the path."

Signalman: "Stop the runaway!"

Narrator: "There, ready for action, was Budgie the Little Helicopter. Mr. Ratburn had made a plan, and together they took off into the sky.

At last, RS Mr. Conductor was tiring."

RS Mr. Conductor: "I need to stop, I need to stop."

Narrator: "He panted wearily.

As they neared the next station, RS Mr. Conductor saw Budgie land.

They entered the platform slowly enough for Mr. Ratburn to act. Judging his moment, Mr. Ratburn jumped near RS Mr. Conductor and stopped him.

At last, RS Mr. Conductor stopped. Both he and Mr. Ratburn were very relief. Then they thanked Budgie."

Budgie: "Thank nothing of it."

Narrator: "Whirled Budgie."

Budgie: "Glad to be of service anytime."

Mr. Ratburn: "Phew!"

Narrator: "Remarked Mr. Ratburn."

Mr. Ratburn: "We must never let this happen again, RS Mr. Conductor."

Narrator: "Wearily, RS Mr. Conductor agreed with him."

Bart Takes the Plunge

Narrator: "One day, Homer wanted to rest, but Bart was talking to some twins. He was telling them about the time he had braved bad weather to help RS Mr. Conductor."

Bart: "It was raining hard. Water swirled under my body. I couldn't see where I was going, but I struggled on."

Tex: "Oh, Bart, you are brave."

Bart: "Well, it wasn't anything really. Water's nothing to a TV Character with determination."

Rex: "Tell us more, Bart."

Homer: "What are you TV Characters doing here?"

Narrator: "Hissed Homer."

Homer: "This house is for Mayor Adam West's TV Characters. Go away! Silly things!"

Narrator: "Homer snorted."

Bart: "They're not silly!"

Narrator: "Bart had been enjoying himself."

Homer: "They are silly, and so are you. 'Water's nothing to a TV Character with determination.' Huh!"

Bart: "Anyway,"

Narrator: "Said cheeky Bart."

Bart: "I'm not afraid of water. I like it."

Narrator: "He ran off to the harbor singing: "Once a TV Character with some flowers was afraid of a few drops of rain"."

Homer: "No one ever lets me forget the time I wouldn't come out of the tunnel in case the rain spoiled my clothes."

Narrator: "Huffed Homer.

RS Mr. Conductor was looking at a board on the quay. DANGER!"

RS Mr. Conductor: "We mustn't go past it."

Narrator: "He said."

RS Mr. Conductor: "That's orders."

Bart: "Why?"

RS Mr. Conductor: "Danger means falling down something."

Narrator: "Said RS Mr. Conductor."

RS Mr. Conductor: "I went past danger once and fell down a mine."

Bart: "I can't see a mine."

Narrator: "Said Bart. He didn't know that the foundations of the quay had sunk. The path now sloped downward to the sea."

Bart: "Stupid board!"

Narrator: "Said Bart. Bart made a plan.

One day, he whispered to the goombas."

Bart: "Will you give me a bump when we get to the quay?"

Narrator: "The goombas had never been asked to bumped an TV Character before. They giggled and chattered about it."

Bart: "Driver doesn't know my plan."

Narrator: "Chuckled Bart."

Goombas: "On! On! On!"

Narrator: "Laughed the goombas. Bart thought they were helping."

Bart: "I'll pretend to stop at the station, but the goombas will push me past the board. Then I'll make them stop. I can do that whenever I like."

Narrator: "Every wise TV Character knows that you cannot trust goombas."

Goombas: "Go on! Go on!"

Narrator: "They yelled, and bumped Bart's driver and fireman down to the ground."

Bart: "Oh!"

Narrator: "Said Bart, sliding past the board. Bart was frantic."

Bart: "That's enough!"

(Bart falls into the sea)

Narrator: "Bart was sunk."

Mayor Adam West: "You are a very disobedient TV Character!"

Narrator: "Bart knew that voice."

Bart: "Please sir, get me out, sir. I'm truly sorry, sir."

Mayor Adam West: "No Bart, we cannot do that till high tide. I hope it will teach you to obey orders!"

Bart: "Yes sir."

Narrator: "It was dark when they rescued Bart. He too cold and stiff to move by himself.

Next day, he was sent to the hospital on Homer's goods delivery."

Homer: "Well! Well! Well!"

Narrator: "Chuckled Homer."

Homer: "Did you like the water?"

Bart: "No!"

Homer: "I am surprise. You need more determination, Bart. Water's nothing to a TV Character with determination, you know. Perhaps you will like it better next time."

Narrator: "Bart is quite determined that there won't be a next time."

Bart's Predicament

Narrator: "Rouge the Bat's work in the countryside was full of surprises. She was frightened of bulls and cows, and she remained very lazy and stubborn.

One day, Grandpa Dave brought Lanolin to the station where Bart was grumpily shunting."

Grandpa Dave: "Hello, Bart. I see Rouge's left the milk behind again."

Bart: "I'll have to make a special journey with it, I suppose. Anyone would think I'd nothing to do!"

Narrator: "Grumbled Bart."

Grandpa Dave: "Tell you what,"

Narrator: "Replied Grandpa Dave."

Grandpa Dave: "I'll take the milk, you fetch my goombas."

Narrator: "The drivers and stationmaster agreed.

Bart had never been to the quarry before. He began ordering the goombas about."

Bart: "Hurry along!"

Narrator: "He said.

The goombas grumbled to each other."

Goombas: "This is Grandpa Dave's place! Bart's got no right to poke his head in here and push us around."

Narrator: "They whispered and passed the word.

Goombas: "Pay Bart out! Pay Bart out!"

Bart: "Come along,"

Narrator: "Said Bart."

Bart: "No nonsense!"

Goombas: "We'll give him nonsense!"

Narrator: "Giggled the goombas.

But they followed so quietly, that Bart thought they were under control.

Suddenly, they saw a notice ahead;

All TV Characters stop to pin down brakes."

Bart: "Peep peep! Brakes, guard, please!"

Narrator: "But before he could check them, the goombas surged forward."

Goombas: "On! On!"

Narrator: "They cried."

Bart: "Help! Help!"

Narrator: "Whistled Bart.

The man on duty rushed to warn traffic with his red flag, but was too late to switch Bart to the runaway siding.

Frantically trying to grip the road, Bart slid into the yard."

Bart: "Peep peep! Look out!"

(CRASH!)

Narrator: "Bart's driver and fireman had jumped clear, but Bart was stranded.

Next day, Mayor Adam West arrived. Grandpa Dave and Rouge had helped to clear the wreckage, but Bart remained on his perch of goombas."

Mayor Adam West: "We must now try,"

Narrator: "Said Mayor West,"

Mayor Adam West: "To run the road with Grandpa Dave and a bat. You have put us in an awkward predicament, Bart."

Bart: "I am sorry, sir."

Narrator: "Said Bart."

Mayor Adam West: "You can stay there til we are ready. Perhaps it will teach you to be careful with goombas."

Narrator: "Bart sighed. The goomba groaned beneath his feet. He quite understood about awkward predicaments.

Mayor West spoke severely to Rouge, too."

Mayor Adam West: "My TV Characters work hard. I send lazy TV Characters away."

Narrator: "Rogue was ashamed."

Mayor Adam West: "However, Grandpa Dave says you worked hard after Bart's accident, so you shall have another chance."

Rouge: "Thank you, sir."

Narrator: "Said Rouge."

Rouge: "I will work hard. Grandpa Dave says he'll help me."

Mayor Adam West: "Excellent. What Grandpa Dave doesn't know about road problems isn't worth knowing. Our Grandpa Dave's an experienced man."

Narrator: "Next day, RS Mr. Conductor came back, and Bart was sent to be mended.

Patty and Selma were delighted to see RS Mr. Conductor again, and he took them for a run at once.

All are now friends, and Grandpa Dave has taught Rouge a great deal. She shooed a cow off the line the other day all by herself. That shows you, doesn't it?"

Dirty Work

Narrator: "Mr. Burns, the new TV Character, was sulking. The goombas would not stop singing rudely at him.

Spike was horrified."

Spike: "Shut up!"

Narrator: "He ordered, and bumped them hard."

Spike: "I'm sorry our goombas were rude to you, Mr. Burns."

Narrator: "Mr. Burns was still furious."

Mr. Burns: "It's all your fault! You made them laugh at me!"

Homer: "Nonsense!"

Narrator: "Said Homer."

Homer: "Spike would never do that. We TV Characters have our differences, but we'd never talk about them to the goombas. That would be dis... dis..."

Garfield: "Disgraceful!"

Narrator: "Said Garfield."

Schemer: "Disgusting!"

Narrator: "Put in Schemer."

Homer: "Despicable!"

Narrator: "Finished Homer.

Mr. Burns hated Spike. He wanted him to be sent away, so he made a plan; he was going to tell lies about Spike.

Next day, he spoke to the goombas."

Mr. Burns: "I see you like jokes. You made a good joke about me yesterday, I laughed and laughed. Spike told me one about Garfield. I'll whisper it.

Don't tell Garfield I told you."

Narrator: "And he snickered away."

Goombas: "Ha ha ha!"

Narrator: "Guffawed the goombas."

Goombas: "Garfield will be cross with Spike when he knows.

Let's tell him and pay Spike out for bumping us!"

Narrator: "They laughed rudely at the TV Characters as they went by.

Soon, Garfield, Homer and Schemer found out why."

Garfield: "Disgraceful!"

Narrator: "Said Garfield."

Schemer: "Disgusting!"

Narrator: "Said Schemer."

Homer: "Despicable!"

Narrator: "Said Homer."

Homer, Garfield and Schemer: "We cannot allow it!"

Narrator: "They consulted together."

Homer, Garfield and Schemer: "Yes,"

Narrator: "They said."

Homer, Garfield and Schemer: "He did it to us, we'll do it to him, and see how he likes it!"

Narrator: "Spike was tired out.

The goombas had been cheeky and troublesome.

He wanted a rest in the house.

The three TV Characters barred his way."

Schemer: "Keep out!"

Spike: "Stop fooling!"

Narrator: "Said Spike."

Spike: "I'm tired!"

Homer, Garfield and Schemer: "So are we."

Narrator: "Hissed the TV Characters."

Homer, Garfield and Schemer: "We're tired of you. We like Mr. Burns. We don't like you. You tell tales about us to the goombas."

Spike: "I don't!"

Homer, Garfield and Schemer: "You do!"

Spike: "I don't!

Homer, Garfield and Schemer: "You do!"

Narrator: "Mayor Adam West came to stop the noise."

Garfield: "Spike called me a galloping sausage!"

Narrator: "Spluttered Garfield."

Schemer: "Rusty red scrap iron!"

Narrator: "Put in Schemer."

Homer: "I'm old square feet."

Narrator: "Fumed Homer."

Mayor Adam West: "Well, Spike?"

Narrator: "Spike considered."

Spike: "I only wish, sir,"

Narrator: "He said gravely,"

Spike: "That I'd thought of those names myself. If the scale fits..."

Mayor Adam West: "Ahem..."

Homer, Garfield and Schemer: "He made goombas laugh at us!"

Narrator: "Accused the TV Characters.

Mayor West recovered. He'd been trying not to laugh himself."

Mayor Adam West: "Did you, Spike?"

Spike: "Certainly not, sir. No dragon would be as mean as that!"

Narrator: "Mr. Burns lurked up."

Mayor Adam West: "Now, Mr. Burns, you heard what Spike said."

Mr. Burns: "I can't understand it, sir. To think that Spike, of all TV Characters... I'm dreadfully grieved, sir, but know nothing."

Mayor Adam West: "I see."

Narrator: "Said Mayor West.

Mr. Burns squirmed, and hoped he didn't."

Mayor Adam West: "I'm sorry, Spike, but you must go to Edd's station for a while. I know he will be glad to see you."

Spike: "As you wish, sir."

Narrator: "Spike trundled sadly away, while Mr. Burns smirked with triumph."

A Close Shave

Narrator: "Spike the Dragon puffed sadly to Edd's Station."

Spike: "It's not fair!"

Narrator: "He complained."

Spike: "Mr. Burns has been telling lies about me, and made Mayor West and all the TV Characters think I'm horrid."

Narrator: "Edd smiled."

Edd: "I know you aren't, and so does Mayor West. You wait and see. Why don't you help me with these goombas?"

Narrator: "Spike felt happier with Edd, and set to work at once.

The goombas were silly, heavy, and noisy. The two TV Characters had to work hard, pushing and pulling them all afternoon. At last, they reached the top of the hill."

Spike: "Good-bye!"

Narrator: "Whistled Spike, and rolled gently over the crossing to the other line.

Spike loved coasting down the hill, running easily with the wind whistling past. Suddenly, it was a guard's warning whistle!"

Goombas: "Hurrah, hurrah, hurrah!"

Narrator: "Laughed the goombas."

Goombas: "We've broken away! We've broken away! Chase him! Bump him! Throw him off the road!"

Narrator: "They yelled."

Spike's Driver: "Hurry, Spike, Hurry!"

Narrator: "Said the driver. They raced through Edd's station, but the goombas were catching up."

Spike's Driver: "As fast as we can, then they'll catch us gradually!"

Narrator: "The driver was gaining control."

Spike's Driver: "Another clear mile, and we'll do it!"

Spike: "Oh, glory, look at that!"

Narrator: "Schemer was just pulling out on their line from the station ahead. Any minute, there could be a crash!"

Spike's Driver: "It's up to you now, Spike!"

Narrator: "Cried the driver.

Spike put every ounce of weight and strength against the goombas."

Spike: "It's too late!"

Narrator: "Spike groaned, and shut his eyes. He veered into a siding where Elmer Fudd set up shop. He was shaving a customer."

(CRASH!)

"The silly goombas had knocked their guard down, and left him far behind after he had whistled a warning.

But the goombas didn't care. They were feeling very pleased with themselves."

Spike: "Beg pardon, sir."

Narrator: "Gasped Spike."

Spike: "Excuse my intrusion."

Elmer Fudd: "No, I won't!"

Narrator: "Said Elmer Fudd."

Elmer Fudd: "You've frightened my customers! I'll teach you!"

Narrator: "And he lathered Spike's face all over. Poor Spike.

RS Mr. Conductor was helping to pull the goombas away, when Mayor Adam West arrived."

Elmer Fudd: "I do not like TV Charcters popping through my walls!"

Narrator: "Fumed Elmer Fudd."

Mayor Adam West: "I appreciate your feelings,"

Narrator: "Said Mayor West."

Mayor Adam West: "But you must know that this dragon and his crew have prevented a very serious accident. It was a very close, um, shave."

Elmer Fudd: "Oh!"

Narrator: "Said Elmer Fudd."

Elmer Fudd: "Oh! Excuse me."

Narrator: "He filled a basin of water to wash Spike's face."

Elmer Fudd: "I'm sorry. I didn't know you were being a brave dragon."

Spike: "That's all right, sir. I didn't know that either."

Mayor Adam West: "You were very brave, indeed."

Narrator: "Said Mayor West."

Mayor Adam West: "I'm proud of you."

Narrator: "Mayor West watched the rescue operation, then he had more news for Spike."

Mayor Adam West: "And when you are properly washed and healed, you are coming home."

Spike: "Home, sir? Do you mean the yard?"

Mayor Adam West: "Of course."

Spike: "But sir, they don't like me. They like Mr. Burns."

Mayor Adam West: "Not now. I never believed Mr. Burns, so I sent him packing. The TV Characters are sorry and want you back."

Narrator: "A few days later, when he came home, there was a really rousing welcome for Spike the Dragon."

The Deputation

Narrator: "Snow came early to TV Land. It was heavier than usual. Most TV Characters hate snow. Mario and Luigi were used to it. Back to back, with a trailer behind them and a shovel for each of them, they set to work. They puffed backwards and forwards, patrolling the paths.

Generally, the snow slipped away easily, but sometimes they found deeper drifts.

Presently, they came to a drift which was larger than most. They charged it, and were just backing for another try, when..."

(Homer whistles)

Luigi: "Lorsh sakes, Mario! It's Homer!

Donna fash yourself, Homer! Wait a while, we'll have you out!"

Narrator: "Homer was very grateful. He saw all was not well. The brother were glum. They told him that Mayor Adam West was returning soon."

Mario and Luigi: "He'll send us back for sure!"

Bart: "It's a shame!"

Narrator: "Said Bart."

Garfield: "A lot of nonsense about a broken signal box."

Narrator: "Grumbled Garfield."

Schemer: "That Ernie the Giant Chicken, too."

Narrator: "Put in Schemer."

Schemer: "Good riddance! That's what I say."

Homer: "They were splendid in the snow."

Narrator: "Added Homer."

Homer: "It isn't fair!"

Narrator: "They all agreed that something must be done, but none knew what.

Bart decided to talk to Edd about it."

Edd: "What you need,"

Narrator: "Said Edd,"

Edd: "Is a deputation."

Narrator: "He explained what that was.

Bart ran back quickly."

Bart: "Edd says we need... a, a disputation!"

Garfield: "Of course."

Narrator: "Said Garfield."

Garfield: "The question is.."

Homer: "What is a... desperation?"

Narrator: "Asked Homer."

Bart: "It's when TV Characters tell Mayor West something's wrong."

Narrator: "Said Bart."

Spike: "Did you say 'Tell Mayor West?'"

Narrator: "Asked Spike thoughtfully.

There was a long silence."

Garfield: "I propose,"

Narrator: "Said Garfield."

Garfield: "That Bart be our... um... disputation."

Bart: "I?"

Narrator: "Squeaked Bart."

Bart: "I can't!"

Homer: "Rubbish, Bart!"

Narrator: "Said Homer."

Homer: "It's easy.

Garfield: "That's settled, then."

Narrator: "Grumbled Garfield.

Poor Bart wished it wasn't."

Mayor Adam West: "Hello, Bart. It's nice to be back."

Narrator: "Bart jumped."

Bart: "Uh, uh, yes sir, yes sir, please sir."

Mayor Adam West: "You look nervous, Bart. What's the matter?"

Bart: "Please sir, uh, they've made me a desperation, sir. To speak to you, sir. I don't like it, sir."

Narrator: "Mayor West pondered."

Mayor Adam West: "Do you mean a deputation, Bart?"

Bart: "Yes, sir, please, sir. It's Mario and Luigi, sir. They say, sir, that if you send them away, sir, well, they'll be killed, sir. That would be dreadful, sir. Uh, please, sir, don't send them away."

Mayor Adam West: "Thank you, Bart. That will do."

Narrator: "Later, Mayor West spoke to the TV Characters."

Mayor Adam West: "I've had a... deputation. I understand your feelings, but I do not approve of interference."

Narrator: "He paused impressively."

Mayor Adam West: "Mario and Luigi, I hear that your work in the snow was good. You shall each have some new clothes."

Narrator: "The brothers were surprised."

Mario and Luigi: "Thank you, sir."

Mayor Adam West: "But your clothes will have your names printed on them. We'll have no more mistakes."

Mario and Luigi: "Thank you, sir. Does this mean that the both of us..."

Narrator: "Mayor West smiled."

Mayor Adam West: "It means..."

Narrator: "But the rest of his speech was drowned in a delighted chorus of cheers and whistles."

(All the TV Characters cheer and whistle)

Narrator: "The brothers were here to stay."

RS Mr. Conductor Comes to Breakfast

Narrator: "RS Mr. Conductor the Conductor has worked his route for many years, and knows it very well."

RS Mr. Conductor's Driver: "You know just where to stop, RS Mr. Conductor."

Narrator: "Laughed his driver."

RS Mr. Conductor's Driver: "You could almost manage it without me."

Narrator: "RS Mr. Conductor had become conceited. He didn't realize his driver was joking.

Later, he boasted to the others."

RS Mr. Conductor: "Driver says I don't need him now."

Bart: "Don't be so daft!"

Narrator: "Snorted Bart."

Grandpa Dave: "I'd never go without my driver."

Narrator: "Said Grandpa Dave, earnestly."

Grandpa Dave: "I'd be frightened."

RS Mr. Conductor: "Puh!"

Narrator: "Boasted RS Mr. Conductor."

RS Mr. Conductor: "I'm not scared!"

Grandpa Dave: "You'd never dare!"

RS Mr. Conductor: "I would then, you'll see."

Narrator: "Next morning, the firelighter came. RS Mr. Conductor drowsed comfortably, and the warmth spread through his body.

Bart and Grandpa Dave were still asleep. RS Mr. Conductor suddenly remembered;"

RS Mr. Conductor: "Silly stick-in-the-muds!"

Narrator: "He chuckled."

RS Mr. Conductor: "I'll show them. Driver said I could manage without him. I'll just go out, then I'll stop and WHEESH! That'll make them jump."

Narrator: "RS Mr. Conductor thought he was being clever. Really, he was only moving because a careless cleaner had meddled with his body. He soon found his mistake. He tried to wheesh, but he couldn't. He tried to stop, but he couldn't. He just kept rolling along. He didn't dare look at what was coming next; there was Sideshow Bob's house. Sideshow Bob was just about to have breakfast."

RS Mr. Conductor: "Horrors!"

Narrator: "Cried RS Mr. Conductor, and shut his eyes."

(CRASH!)

"The house rocked, broken glass tinkled, plaster was everywhere. RS Mr. Conductor had collected a bush on his travels. He peered into the room through its leaves. He couldn't speak.

Sideshow Bob was furious. Sedusa picked up her plate."

Sedusa: "You miserable conductor!"

Narrator: "She scolded."

Sedusa: "Just look what you've done to our breakfast! Now I shall have to cook some more!"

Narrator: "She banged the door.

More plaster fell. This time, it fell on RS Mr. Conductor. RS Mr. Conductor felt depressed.

Workmen propped up the house with strong poles, and laid a path through the garden.

Meanwhile, Mario and Luigi arrived."

Mario and Luigi: "D'n' fess yourself, RS Mr. Conductor, we'll soon have you back on the path!"

Narrator: "They laughed.

Mario and Luigi, working hard, managed to haul RS Mr. Conductor back to safety. Bits of fencing, a bush, and a broken window frame festuned his front, which was badly twisted. The brothers laughed and left him.

RS Mr. Conductor was in disgrace.

There was worse to come."

Mayor Adam West: "You are a very naughty conductor!"

RS Mr. Conductor (muffled): "I know, sir. I'm sorry, sir."

Narrator: "RS Mr. Conductor's voice was muffled behind his bush."

Mayor Adam West: "You must go to the workshop and have your front mended, it will be a long job."

RS Mr. Conductor: "Yes, sir."

Mayor Adam West: "Meanwhile, a bat will do your work."

RS Mr. Conductor: "A B-b-bat, sir?"

Narrator: "RS Mr. Conductor spluttered."

Mayor Adam West: "Yes, RS Mr. Conductor. Bats always stay in their houses until they are wanted. Bats never galavant off to breakfast in sideshow people's houses."

Edd's Exploit

Narrator: "Ten Cents the Tug was giving some visitors a tour of TV Land.

It was their last afternoon, and Edd was preparing to take them to meet Tex and Rex. He found it hard to start the heavy flowers."

Homer: "Did you see him straining?"

Narrator: "Asked Homer."

Schemer: "Positively painful."

Narrator: "Remarked Schemer."

Garfield: "Just pathetic!"

Narrator: "Grunted Garfield."

Garfield: "He should give up and be preserved before it's too late."

Spike: "Shut up!"

Narrator: "Burst out Spike."

Spike: "You're all jealous. Edd's better than any of you."

Roger Baxter: "You're right, Spike."

Narrator: "Said Roger."

Roger Baxter: "Edd's old, but he'll surprise us all."

Edd: "I've done it! We're off! I've done it! We're off!"

Narrator: "Said Edd, as he finally puffed out of the station.

Tex and Rex were delighted to see the visitors. They loved being photographed. Later, they took the party to the jukebox in a trailer special.

Everyone had a splendid time, and the visitors were most impressed.

Then, Edd took the visitors home.

On the way, the weather changed. Wind and rain buffeted Edd. His sand box failed, and his fireman went in front dropping sand on the road by hand.

Suddenly, Edd's feet slipped fiercely, and with a shrieking crack, something broke. The crew inspected the damage. Repairs took some time."

Edd's Driver: "One of your shoes broke, Edd."

Narrator: "Said his driver."

Edd's Driver: "We've taken your other shoe off. Now you're like an old-fashioned kid. Can you get these people home? They must start back tonight."

Edd: "I'll try, sir."

Narrator: "Promised Edd. Edd puffed and pulled his hardest, but his feet kept slipping and he could not start the heavy flowers. The passengers were anxious. The driver, fireman and guard went along the line making adjustments between the flowers."

Edd's Driver: "We've loosened the couplings, Edd. Now you can pick your flowers up one by one, just as you do with goombas."

Edd: "That'll be much easier."

Narrator: "Said Edd."

Edd: "Come on!"

Narrator: "He puffed, and moved cautiously forward. The first flower moving helped to start the second, and the second helped the third."

Edd: "I've done it! I've done it!"

Narrator: "Puffed Edd."

Edd's Driver: "Steady, boy!"

Narrator: "Warned his driver."

Edd's Driver: "Well done, boy! You've got them! You've got them!"

Narrator: "And he listened happily to Edd's steady beat as he forged slowly but surely ahead.

At last, battered, weary, but unbeaten, Edd steamed in. Homer was waiting for the visitors with the special flowers."

Edd: "Peep! Peep!"

Narrator: "Mayor Adam West angrily pointed to clock, but excited passengers cheered and thanked Edd, his driver and fireman.

Spike and Roger saw to it that Edd was left in peace. Garfield and Schemer remained respectfully silent."

Ghost Boy

Bart: "And every year on a date of the accident, it runs again as a warning to others plunging into the gap, shrieking like a lost soul."

RS Mr. Conductor: "Bart, what are you talking about?"

Bart: "The ghost boy. Driver saw it last night."

RS Mr. Conductor and Grandpa Dave: "Where?"

Narrator: "Asked RS Mr. Conductor and Grandpa Dave."

Bart: "He didn't say. Ooh, it makes my feet wobble to think of it."

RS Mr. Conductor: "Huh!"

Narrator: "Said RS Mr. Conductor."

RS Mr. Conductor: "You're just a silly little boy. I'm not scared!"

Bart: "RS Mr. Conductor didn't believe in your ghost."

Narrator: "Said Bart next morning. His driver laughed."

Bart's Driver: "Neither do I. It was a pretend ghost on television."

Narrator: "Bart was disappointed. That evening, he came back from the harbor.

Bart knew where he was, even in the dark."

Bart: "Crowe's farm crossing. We shan't be long now."

Narrator: "He liked running at night. The path hummed and the light showed green. But a broken cartload of lyme lay ahead. Sam the farmer had just gone for help.

(CRASH!)

Bart broke the cart to smithereens. Lyme flew everywhere. He puffed quickly to the nearest signal box.

Bart's driver explained what had happened."

Signalman: "I'll see to it."

Narrator: "Said the signalman."

Signalman: "But you better clean Bart, or people will think he's a ghost."

Narrator: "Bart chuckled."

Bart: "Do let's pretend I'm a ghost and scare RS Mr. Conductor. That'll teach him to say I'm a silly little boy."

Narrator: "Grandpa Dave promised to help.

RS Mr. Conductor was getting ready for his evening run."

Grandpa Dave: "Bart's had an accident."

Narrator: "Cried Grandpa Dave."

RS Mr. Conductor: "Poor boy."

Narrator: "Said RS Mr. Conductor."

RS Mr. Conductor: "Botheration! That means I'll be late."

Grandpa Dave: "They've cleared the path for you, but there's something worse."

RS Mr. Conductor: "Out with it, Grandpa Dave! I can't wait all evening."

Grandpa Dave: "I've just seen something."

Narrator: "Said Grandpa Dave."

Grandpa Dave: "It looked like Bart's ghost. It said it was, was coming here t-t-t-to warn us."

RS Mr. Conductor: "Huh! Who cares? Don't be frightened, Grandpa Dave. I'll take care of you."

Bart: "Peep, peep! Pip, pip, pip, peep! Let me in. Let me in."

Narrator: "Wailed Bart."

Grandpa Dave: "No, no. Not by the smoke on my chimney chim chim."

Bart: "I'll chuff, and I'll puff, and I'll break your door in."

RS Mr. Conductor: "Oh dear!"

Narrator: "Exclaimed RS Mr. Conductor."

RS Mr. Conductor: "It's getting late. Oh, I have no idea. Oh, I must find Patty and Selma."

Narrator: "It was morning when RS Mr. Conductor returned."

Grandpa Dave: "Where have you been?"

Narrator: "Asked Grandpa Dave."

RS Mr. Conductor: "Ah, well."

Narrator: "Said RS Mr. Conductor."

RS Mr. Conductor: "I knew you'd be sad about Bart and I, uh, I didn't like to intrude. I slept in the goods shed and...

Oh, sorry. Can't stop. Got to see a flower about a conductor."

Narrator: "Bart was not in the worst for his adventure, and was still enjoying himself enormously. He had heard everything."

Bart: "Well, well, well. What do you know about that?"

Grandpa Dave: "Anyone would think,"

Narrator: "Chuckled Grandpa Dave."

Grandpa Dave: "That our RS Mr. Conductor had just seen a ghost."

Woolly Bear

Narrator: "In summer, the gangers cut the long grass along the road, raking it up for heaps to dry in the sun.

At this time of year, Bart stops where they have been cutting. The men give them to the goombas, and he takes them to the station.

Grandpa Dave then takes them to the hills for the farmers to feed their stock."

Bart: "Wheesh!"

Narrator: "Bart gave a ghostly whistle."

Bart: "Don't be frightened, RS Mr. Conductor!"

Narrator: "He laughed."

Bart: "It's only me!"

RS Mr. Conductor: "Your ugly fizz is enough to frighten anyone!"

Narrator: "Said RS Mr. Conductor."

RS Mr. Conductor: "You're like..."

Bart: "Ugly, indeed! I'm..."

RS Mr. Conductor: "A red caterpillar with blue shorts!"

Narrator: "Continued RS Mr. Conductor firmly."

RS Mr. Conductor: "You crawl like one, too."

Bart: "I don't!"

RS Mr. Conductor: "Who's been late every afternoon this week?"

Bart: "It's the hay!"

RS Mr. Conductor: "I can't help that."

Narrator: "Said RS Mr. Conductor."

RS Mr. Conductor: "Time's time, and Mayor Adam West relies on me to keep it! I can't if you crawl about in the hay till' all hours!"

Bart: "'Red caterpillar' indeed!"

Narrator: "Fumed Bart. He set off to collect some hay to take to the harbor."

Bart: "Everyone says I'm handsome, or at least nearly everyone. Anyway, my shorts ares better than RS Mr. Conductor's hats. RS Mr. Conductor says I'm always late."

Narrator: "He grumbled."

Bart: "I'm never late, or at least only a few minutes. What's that to RS Mr. Conductor? He can always catch up time further on."

Narrator: "All the same, he and his driver decided to start home early.

Then came trouble."

(CRASH!)

"A crate of treacle was upset all over Bart.

Bart was cross.

He was still sticky when he puffed away.

The wind was blowing fiercely."

Bart's Driver: "Look at that!"

Narrator: "Exclaimed the driver.

The wind caught the piled hay, tossing it up and over the road. The line climbed here."

Bart's Driver: "Take a run at it, Bart!"

Narrator: "His driver replied.

Bart gathered speed. But the hay made the road slippery, and his feet wouldn't grip. Time after time, he stalled with spinning feet and had to wait till' the path ahead was cleared before he could start again.

Everyone was waiting. RS Mr. Conductor seethed impatiently."

RS Mr. Conductor: "Ten minutes late! I warned him! Passengers will complain, and Mayor West..."

(Bart whistles)

Narrator: "Then, they all saw Bart. They laughed and shouted."

(Passengers laugh)

Bart: "Sorry I'm late!"

Narrator: "Bart panted."

RS Mr. Conductor: "Look what's crawled out of the hay!"

Narrator: "Teased RS Mr. Conductor."

Bart: "What's wrong?"

Narrator: "Asked Bart."

RS Mr. Conductor: "Talk about hairy caterpillars!"

Narrator: "Puffed RS Mr. Conductor."

RS Mr. Conductor: "It's worth being late to have seen you."

Narrator: "When Bart came home, his driver showed him what he looked like in a mirror."

Bart: "Ay caramba! No wonder they all laughed. I'm just like a woolly bear! Please clean me before Grandpa Dave comes."

Narrator: "But it was no good. RS Mr. Conductor told Grandpa Dave all about it.

Instead of talking about sensible things like 'playing ghosts', RS Mr. Conductor and Grandpa Dave made jokes about woolly bear caterpillars, and other creatures which crawl about in hay. They laughed a lot, but Bart thought they were being really silly indeed."

RS Mr. Conductor and the Missing Christmas Tree

Narrator: "It was two days before Christmas. Many children were expected in TV Land. All the TV characters were busy with the final preparations. Mayor Adam West wanted this year's carol party to be an extra special celebration.

Mayor West was now waiting impatiently for RS Mr. Conductor."

Mayor Adam West: "Quickly now,"

Narrator: "He said."

Mayor Adam West: "Our Christmas tree has arrived just in time. I want you to fetch it, RS Mr. Conductor. Spike can look after Patty and Selma until you get back."

RS Mr. Conductor: "Will we be able to sing carols, too?"

Narrator: "Asked RS Mr. Conductor."

Mayor Adam West: "We'll see."

Narrator: "Promised Mayor West."

RS Mr. Conductor: "It would be nice to sing carols again."

Narrator: "Sighed RS Mr. Conductor, as he set off on his important mission.

RS Mr. Conductor collected the tree safely, but large snowdrifts lay ahead."

RS Mr. Conductor: "I mustn't be late."

Narrator: "He thought."

RS Mr. Conductor: "Mayor West is relying on me."

Narrator: "Whistling bravely, RS Mr. Conductor tried to move, but he couldn't. There was worse to come!

Poor RS Mr. Conductor was snowed under!

Meanwhile, the other TV characters waited and waited. They were grumbling about RS Mr. Conductor for being late."

Mayor Adam West: "Silence!"

Narrator: "Said Mayor West."

Mayor Adam West: "RS Mr. Conductor left the works safely, but snow has brought the telephone lines down. We must assume he is stranded."

Narrator: "The TV characters now felt sorry for RS Mr. Conductor, and cold but confident, the plumbers set off to the rescue.

Suddenly, they came to a drift that was deeper than the rest."

RS Mr. Conductor: "Help!"

Mario: "Hush!""

Narrator: "Said Mario."

Mario: "I can hear something."

Luigi: "Probably the wind."

Narrator: "Said Luigi."

RS Mr. Conductor: "Help!"

Mario: "No, listen!"

Narrator: "Insisted Mario."

RS Mr. Conductor: "Over here!"

Mario: "Ach! It's RS Mr. Conductor! Come on, the poor wee conductor must be frozen to the skin in there!"

Narrator: "When the workmen arrived, it took some time to decide how to dig away the heavy drifts of snow. RS Mr. Conductor's driver and fireman, who had taken shelter at a nearby cottage, joined the rescue. At last, RS Mr. Conductor and the precious Christmas tree were freed from the snowdrift.

Then, they set off once more to finish their long journey.

Mayor Adam West greeted them warmly."

Mayor Adam West: "As a reward for all your hard work, you may go and enjoy the carols. Be quick now!"

Narrator: "At the big station, all was soon ready."

Mayor Adam West: "One, two, three!"

Narrator: "Suddenly, like magic, the station was flooded with lights."

Mayor Adam West: "Ladies, gentlemen, and children, I give you three cheers for RS Mr. Conductor and all his friends who have made this occasion possible!"

Narrator: "Suddenly, there was a strange whirring sound. Bart and Grandpa Dave smiled. They knew who it was.

With landing lights shining brightly, Budgie the Little Helicopter touched down gently in the snow, bringing the greatest surprise of all; Mr. Nicholas! Everyone cheered, and the party began.

RS Mr. Conductor: "It's no fun getting stuck in the snow,"

Narrator: "Whispered RS Mr. Conductor to Bart,"

RS Mr. Conductor: "But it was worth it for this party. Happy Christmas, Bart, Happy Christmas, everybody!"

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