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The Curse of Dethklok

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Part of the Dethklok mini wiki.

Summary

When Dethklok's chef is badly injured in an accident during a concert, Dethklok goes to a grocery store to try and make their own food. James Hetfield and Kirk Hammett guest star.

Transcript

Chef: {inaudable prayers} I fear not my mortal life

{Demon eyes light up and emit 3 beeps}

Chef: {gasp}


{Cut to the members of dethklok eating at a long table}

{Nathan Explosion takes a sip from a tiny cup}

Nathan Explosion: Approach us.

{Chef approaces and camera looks at the four other band members}

Chef: Everything to your liking my lords?

Pickles: Are you aware of the fate of our last restaurant helicopter chef?

Chef: His face...

Murderface: His face was smashed!

Chef: Yes, I know...

Toki: His face and hands and lips ???? hovercrof

Skwisgaar Hol.. Holvercraft

{Toki and Skwisgaar spend some time trying to pronounce hovercraft while pickles tries to explain to the chef}

Pickles: They're trying to tell you that the guy got his face smashed in with a hovercraft. That's what they're trying to tell you.

Chef: Yes, I know...

Toki: And then... From the sorrow... Fatoom! He blow he brain in.

Skwisgaar: He blow he brain... out.

Toki: Whatever.

Skwisgaar: Out.

Toki: It make a great album cover.

Skwisgaar: Yeah, but. All of our chefs they has die a horrible death. What of thats do you think?

Chef: I would rather have my brains scooped out with a melonballer than to miss the opportunity to deliver the various cheese snacks to my beloved dethklok.


{Camera shakes, Scream}


Pilot: Sorry boys. We're chewing through a few thowsand doves up here. {Who knows}


Chef: Oh! From the prime minister of norway, there are several cases, the finest wines...

Nathan Explosion: Noooooooooo! We never drink before a show! Never!

Murderface: Well I've been drinking all day.

Toki: Me too.

Skwisgaar: Me too.

Pickles: Me too.

Nathan Explosion: Me too.


{ Theme Song Plays}



Reporter: Live from Batsfjord, Norway where over 300 000 fans have travelled to the arctic circle to see the legendary metal band DethKlok perform just one song.

Anchorwoman: Surprisingly the song itself is a jingle. A coffee jingle. Never before have so many people traveled so far for such a short song.

Anchorman: A coffee jingle for international coffe moguls the Duncan Hills coffee corporation. Is DethKlok selling out? No says band frontman Nathan Explosion.

Nathan Explosion: We're here to make coffee metal! We will make everything metal! Blacker than the blackest black times infinity.

Anchorwoman?: They're called pain waivers... Fans are literally signing their life away, Releasing them from any and all liability.


Fan #1: My eye got tore out and force fed to me at a show. DethKlok rules!

Fan #2: In london some dude chopped off my fingers and threw them up on stage. Murderface rolled them up and smoked them. MURDERFACE!

Reporter: ?????. Static electricity is in the air. Wait. Wait. Wait a minute. It's DethKlok! It's DethKlok!

Pilot: ?????


{Jingle plays}


{Cut to war room type place}

Speaker: As you can see, DethKlok is no laughing matter; they're the world's greatest cultural force. A short time since the Duncan Hills coffee jingle Batsfjord massacre fest, every other coffee company has been obliterated. Completely blown out of the water.

General: Freaks.

Speaker: These "freaks" as you call them are currently worth billions. General, Skwisgaar Skwigelf - taller than a tree, Toki Wartooth - not a bumblebee, William Murderface Murderface Murderface, Pickles the Drummer - Doodily doo, ding-dong doodily doodily doo, Nathan Explosion. I'm afraid that's all we know general.

Religious guy: I will remind you again of the sumerian artifacts. The resmblance is indisputable.

General: If there the ones that we think they are, we should exterminate them immediately.

Tall old guy: No. We wait...


{Cut to DethKlok hospital building}


Nathan Explosion: Well I don't think all of our employees are cursed.

Pickles: The chefs.. the chefs.

Nathan Explosion: Oh, the chefs are cursed. Yeah. Yeah. (Said while one of the construction workers behind Nathan Explosion gets impaled by a tower.)

Toki: Actually, He stills alive.

Nathan Explosion: Yeah, well I mean he'll be dead soon. That's what I that's what I ment to say.

Skwisgaar: Oh come on, he can probably hear that. Oh, wait.. No he can't because he ain't got no ears.

Pickles: Hold on... It says here that keeping this guy alive is costing us 10 000$ a day?!?

{Surprise}

Murderface: Well here's an idea: why don't we yankee-doodle dandy you know, pull the plug, kill him.

Pickles: Well let's just fire him I mean look at him he's all lazy just sitting there ain't cooked a damn thing all day long let's face it, he's bringing me down.


Skwisgaar: {Fiddling with toaster} What is wrong with this dumb dildo, to give us all the free coffee in the world with no instruction on how to cook it.

Toki: Whoo I might have to take 5-6 personal days for all this grief's gonna have to do.

Murderface: Aaaw here we go again. You've took two personal grieving days since last week.

Toki: Well I was depressed about colour... (mumbles)

Murderface: You're depressed?? You're depressed?? I'm fat! I'm the fat one! Yeah, I'm fat; we know that. The one good thing about Jean Pierre being dead is that maybe i won't eat so much and lose these flabby deathhandles. No, I'm fat.

Toki: Well I'm starting to get hungrys. But it looks like we's starved.

Pickles: Well, great. What are we supposed to do now.


{Cut to FINTROLLS SUPERMARKET}


Toki: Oooh! What's this place called?

Skwisgaar: This is I believes called "Food Library"

{Skwisgaar and Toki try to pronounce "Library"}

Pickles: It's called a grocery store ya douche bags. I'm sorry about douche bags; I got I've got low blood sugar.

Nathan Explosion: So here's the deal. We've got to do our own shopping so we can make our own dinner like all the regular jack offs do. Now you're all in charge of putting togeter one dish, and don't just buy booze; that ain't food.

Murderface: What do ya mean booze ain't food? I'd rather chop off my ding-dong than admit that.

Toki: You'd rather chop off your ding-dong than not drink?

Murderface: Yeah!

Toki: Wowee!


{Nathan breaks the glass to grab some saussages cutting himself in the process}


Murderface: Hey grandma, is there olives in it?

Old Lady: In what?

Murderface: Lemon tart wrinkle kit! Sheezy!

Old Lady: {gasp}


Murderface: Good, get it? Pee-pee time.

{Muderface pees into the olives}


{Pickles walks down the isle with a cart full of booze}

Pickles: Hey chief, this stuff good for soup?

Store clerk: No.

Pickles: Aaaa! That's a yes.


{Skwisgaar and Toki stand next to each other}

Toki: Who is wall nuts?

Skwisgaar: Hey Toki, look inside of your basket. Guess what? You are in such a crappy mood, you have lady's tampons. ???? And you buy them for yourself, go have a conversation with all the ladies and tell them your problems.

Toki: You lady Skwisgaar

Skwisgaar: No I'm not!!


Nathan Explosion: Two cups of rice

{Rice falls through cart onto floor}

Nathan Explosion: Brutal.


Pickles: {to Deli Manager} Ok, hold on now. So you're telling me that you put these little guys in boiling water, and they shrink, and they turn red and they die.

Deli Manager: Yes, sir.

Pickles: That is the most metal thing I have ever heard in my whole life. High Five.


Nathan Explosion: (Over intercom) Price check! Clean up aisle six! Rotted Body Landslide.

Skwisgaar: Oh dat's great stuff.

Nathan Explosion: (Still on intercom) Don't forget our special sale on every bone broken chicken! Hurry!

Skwisgaar: Go get them Nathan.

Nathan Explosion: (Intercom) enjoy our Hammer smashed face, Aisle 3.

Skwisgaar: I love to laugh. Hi.

Old Lady: Hi.

Skwisgaar: Guess what, you are a GMILF. Dat is a grandmother that I would like to...


{Cut to DethKlok's domain}


Pickles: See, I told you guys we don't need no chef!

Nathan Explosion: Put in the ingredients into that thing there.

Toki: Oooh nooo we leaves all de food at de food place!

Nathan Explosion: WHAAAAAT?!


{Camera plunges through Nathan's throat and cuts to the hospital}


Murderface: Jean-Pierre! Jean-Pierre! Cook something, come on, don't be a dick, be a dude!

(Group mumbles along the lines of "Do it!")

Pickles: It's over... By the power of all that is evil, I command you to awaken and make me a sandwich!

Murderface There's only one thing left to do, kill ourselves.

Skwisgaar Dudes, we would like have to sew him back together to get him to cook for us.

Toki Yeah, but we is such screw-ups that he would be sewn back together wrong!

Nathan Explosion Whoa! That's a good song title.


{Credits roll, "Sewn Back Together Wrong" plays}

Trivia

  • The first Dethklok fan being interviewed is the character "Goat" from the series Megas XLR and Downtown. He was voiced in the first episode by Metallica guitarist and vocalist James Hetfield. Goat has been said to make guest appearances in future episodes.
  • The band is seen in a grocery store named after the Finnish metal band Finntroll.
  • When they are in the supermarket, Nathan Explosion makes references to several "Cannibal Corpse" songs, such as "Every Bone Broken", "Rotted Body Landslide", and "Hammer Smashed Face".
  • Toki Wartooth talks about the previous restaurant helicopter chef's brain being blown out and how it would make would make a good album cover. This is a reference to the suicide of Mayhem singer Per Yngve Ohlin, also known as Dead, who committed suicide with a shotgun blast to his head. It was later used as the cover for the bootleg Dawn of the Black Hearts
  • The life support systems strewn about Dethklok's lair keeping the chef alive are a direct reference to the album cover of Voivod's "Killing Technology".
  • In Toki's shopping cart there is, among several other items a box of cereal with toki's likeness on it, the only word on the box is "metal"

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