Welcome to the The Edge Diary mini wiki at Scratchpad!
You can use the box below to create new pages for this mini-wiki. Make sure you type [[Category:The Edge Diary]] on the page before you save it to make it part of the The Edge Diary wiki (preload can be enabled to automate this task, by clicking this link and saving that page. Afterwards, you may need to purge this page, if you still see this message).
Made by mills__ on the PWB.
THE EDGE DIARY[]
Day 1: Edge Needs a New Car[]
- Edge wakes up in his hotel room*
- Edge goes over and opens the curtains*
Edge: ON THIS DAY, I SEE CLEARLY! *runs his hand wildly through his hair*
- The Phone rings*
Edge: This is the Rated-R Superstar! WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT!? *runs his hand wildly through his hair*
Tony Chimel: Is this the RRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTEDDD - ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR SUPERSTAR? EDGE!?
Edge: Yes, I just said it was.
Tony Chimel: We need you to come down to the parking lot, something happened to your car.
Edge: WHAT!? I'LL BE RIGHT THERE. *runs his hand wildly through his hair*
- Edge goes to the parking lot*
Tony Chimel: It seems like your car was involved in an accident...
Edge: What are you talking about?
Tony Chimel: Well, THE ANNNNIIIMAAALLLL, BAAAAAAAATISSSSSSSTAAAAAA, may have hit your car.
- Batista runs out from behind his car*
- Batista does his machine gun entrance*
Edge: WHAT THE HELL YOU MORON!, WHAT DID YOU DO!? *squats down and wildly moves his fingers*
Batista: Relax.
- Batista coughs*
Batista: I. Didn't. Do. It. *pokes Edge's chest*
Edge: Yes. YOU DID! *pokes Batista's chest*
Batista: NO. I. DIDN'T!. *pokes Edge's chest*
Tony Chimel: Relax guys. Do you both have insurance?
Edge: Yes.
Batista: I. Want. Your. Insurance. Papers.
- Batista coughs*
Edge: ARE YOU AN IDIOT!? YOU HIT MY CAR! *runs his hand wildly through his hair*
Batista: Cars. Don't. Hold. Grudges.
Edge: You know what, I was going to get a new car soon anyway, so it doesn't matter.
Batista: Congratulations. I want my rematch.
Edge: YOUR REMATCH FOR WHAT, YOU INBRED PIECE OF CRAP!? *Edge Scowls*
Batista: No. I'm. Not. *pokes Edge's chest*
Edge: I don't have time for this Batista, I'm going to the auto mall.
- Edge goes to look for a new car*
Wrestling Superstar Virgil: Hey buddy, what can I help you with?
- Edge laughs*
Edge: I, um, I need a new car. *Edge Scowls*
Wrestling Superstar Virgil: well, that's obvious. You're at an auto mall, aren't you?
Edge: DON'T YOU GET SMART WITH ME YOU PIECE OF CRAP! *squats down and wildly moves his fingers*
Wrestling Superstar Virgil: Sorry. Come with me, I'll show you around.
- Edge and The Wrestling Superstar Virgil walk around*
Edge: Oh man, I like that one! I want it!
Wrestling Superstar Virgil: No **** you want it, you moron.
Edge: LISTEN, IF YOU GET SMART WITH ME ONE MORE TIME *squats down and wildly moves his fingers*
Wrestling Superstar Virgil: Sorry, come on, I'll give you the papers for it.
Wrestling Superstar Virgil: Do you have your credit card?
Edge: No. I have this *Puts MitB briefcase on the counter*
Edge: I'M CASHING IT IN! *runs his hand wildly through his hair*
Edge: I'M CASHING IT IN!! RING THE BELL!! RING THE DAMN BELL!!!
Wrestling Superstar Virgil: Are you stupid, you can't use that?
Edge: ARE YOU STILL GETTING SMART WITH ME!? THAT'S IT! *squats down and wildly moves his fingers*
- Edge unleashes a devastating spear on The Wrestling Superstar Virgil*
- The Wrestling Superstar Virgil's body splits in half*
- The Wrestling Superstar Virgil dies*
- Edge gets in his new car and drives away*
Day 2: Edge's Return to the Ring[]
Edge: Man, I feel great! *Edge humps the bed*
Edge: I'm ready to return to the ring!
Edge: Let me call Vince and tell him! *squats down and wildly moves his fingers*
- Edge calls Vince*
Vince: Hello.
Edge: Hey, Vince. It's Edge.
Vince: Hi.
Edge: Listen, I'm 100 percent now, I can go! I'M CASHING IT IN! *runs his hand wildly through his hair*
Vince: Ok, come down to the arena and we'll talk.
- Edge humps the phone*
Vince: Edge, did you just hump the phone?
Edge: Yes. I reek of awesome! *Edge Scowls*
Vince: Can you hump it again, I liked that sound *smiles*
Edge: No.
Edge: Goodbye.
Edge: Time to go down to the arena. *smiles*
- Edge arrives at the arena*
- John Cena walks up to Edge*
John Cena: WELL, WELL WELL, LOOK WHO IT IS! *Lifts hand in the air*
John Cena: It's the Rated-Turd Pooper Star! HOW YA DOIN' BUDDY!? *Pats Edge on the back*
Michael Cole: HA-HA-HA! That John Cena is hilarious! I want to have his babies!
Edge: SHUT UP, COLE! *Edge Scowls*
Edge: Don't touch me Cena, I swear to God, I'll cash it in. *runs his hand wildly through his hair*
John Cena: WHOA, WHOA, RELAX! No need to get uptight, you Applebee's key chain! *looks at camera with serious face*
Edge: Cena, you don't even make sense, you're an idiot *Edge Scowls*
John Cena: You might be right, but you smell like my grandmother's tomato farm dipped in butt cheese! *Makes a funny face*
Edge: SAY ONE MORE ****ING WORD, JOHN. I SWEAR I WILL CASH IT IN! DON'T TEST ME! I WILL CASH IT IN! *squats down and wildly moves his fingers*
John Cena: Sorry.
- Edge goes into Vince's Office*
Edge: I'm back baby, I'm ready to return.
Vince: Good, I'll put you in a feud with Rey Mysterio, and we'll take it from there.
Edge: Okay.
- Batista comes in*
- Batista coughs*
Batista: I want my rematch.
Vince: What? Rematch against who? What are you talking about
- Batista leaves*
Edge: Wow, that Batista guy is a moron.
Vince: Yes, yes he is. Now get out.
Vince: Git, git, git, git, git, git, git...
- Edge unleashes a devistating spear to Vince McMahon*
- Vince McMahon cracks 7 ribs, and has a broken hip*
Edge: Let me go tell Rey about what's going on.
Edge: Hey Rey, what's up
Rey Mysterio: *smiles* Nothing much, hollllllmes *smiles*
Edge: Well, I'm just letting you know that I'll be cashing it in against you.
Rey Mysterio: *smiles* Okay, holllllmes *smiles*
- Edge turns around to walk out the door*
- Rey Mysterio tries to 619 Edge*
- Rey Mysterio misses and tears his quad*
- Kevin Nash enters the room*
Kevin Nash: Argh, Rey Mysterio tore his quad!
- Kevin Nash tries to leave the room, but tears his quad*
Edge: What the hell! Are you stupid!? *Edge Scowls*
Rey Mysterio: *smiles* Yes, holllllmes *smiles*
Edge: Now what am I going to do!? I need to cash it in against somebody!
Day 3: Edge meets and old friend[]
- The Phone Rings*
Edge: Hello.
Vince: Hey Edge, it's me, Vince.
Edge: Hi. *smiles*
Vince: Listen, we're going to be putting you in a feud against The Great Khali.
Vince: Is that ok?
Edge: Yes.
Vince: Ok
- Edge hangs up*
Edge: Man, The Great Khali, he's huge!
- The Phone rings again*
Edge: Hello!? WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT!? *runs his hand wildly through his hair*
The Great Khali: ASUEFRAEYUERASGGUERALLESGHA!! *Holds up an upside down World Heavyweight Championship Belt*
Translator: The Great Khali says "hi"
The Great Khali: FRIAGASUEFRUEERRSGUYRASUMWAHNSHAHHAFAFRAUGAAS!! *Points at the Phone*
Translator: The Great Khali says "At The Royal Rumble, you will lose, and then you will die"
Edge: That's nice, but tell The Great Khali that I'm going to beat his ass, and cash it in!
Edge: AND THEN TELL THAT PIECE OF CRAP THAT I'M GOING TO SPEAR HIM IN HALF! *runs his hand wildly through his hair*
The Great Khali: REUUGUAUUGFASGRASARAURUAIZZHGGAHHGAHRAMANFAHNISH!! *Holds up an upside down World Heavyweight Championship Belt*
Translator: The Great Khali said "You're a meanie" and now he is crying.
- Edge hangs up*
Edge: I'm going to kick Khali's ass, and then be the new World Heavyweight Champion! *Edge humps a picture of him holding up the World Heavyweight Championship Belt*
- The Phone rings again*
Edge: GODDAMNIT WHAT DO YOU WANT!?
Batista: I want my rematch.
- Batista hangs up*
- Edge gets in his car to go to the arena*
- On his way there, he spots Randy Orton*
Edge: HEY RANDY! *smiles*
Randy: Hi.
Edge: Come on, get in, let's go cruise for some poontang! *smiles*
Randy: *smiles, followed by an *Orton Pose*
- Edge and Randy go cruise for poontang*
- Randy spots a fine lookin' female*
Randy: Let me out, there's a nice piece of ass right there! *Orton Pose*
Edge: DUDE! That's Lita, I can't let you out! *runs his hand wildly through his hair*
Randy: EDGE! LET ME OUT, I TOOK OUT SHAWN MICHAELS, I TOOK OUT RVD, AND YOU WILL BE NEXT IF YOU DON'T LET ME OUT!
Edge: Fine.
- Randy walks up to Lita*
Randy: Hey Lita. *smiles*
Lita: Hi Randy. *Lita tries to have sex with Randy*
Randy: Whoa, Lita. Relax. Let's go back to my place and do it! *Orton Pose*
Lita: Okay!
- Randy gives some flowers to Lita*
- Lita tries to have sex with the flowers*
- Lita gives the flowers herpes*
Randy: Come on, let's get in the car *Orton Pose*
- Randy and Lita get back into the car*
- Lita tries to have sex with the car*
- Lita gives the car AIDS*
Edge: WHAT THE HELL! LITA YOU SKANK! *runs his hand wildly through his hair*
Randy: Edge, just take us back to my place, or I'll leave a juicy number two on the hood of your car!
Michael Cole: NO! NOT THIS WAY!
Edge: Fine.
- On the way back to Orton's hotel, Lita dies from having so many STD's*
JBL: BALLGAME! *takes off cowboy hat and smiles*
- Edge humps the dead body of Lita*
- Randy poops on the dead body of Lita*
- Cryme Tyme robs the dead body of Lita*
Edge: **** it, let's just go to the arena.
Day 4: Edge meets the Great Khali[]
- Edge and Randy arrive at the arena*
Edge: Hey look Randy, it's The Great Khali! *Edge Scowls*
Randy: Let's beat his ass! *Orton Pose*
Edge: Cool, let's do it! *squats down and wildly moves his fingers*
- Edge and Randy beat The Great Khali's ass*
- Edge unleashes a devastating spear to The Great Khali
- The Great Khali suffers a collapsed lung and a broken pelvis*
- Randy RKO's The Great Khali
- The Great Khali is almost dead*
The Great Khali: REUFAHFHSGHAHSANGSUGURSIOSHFMALLSDAFAASJAQYRWASHH *Tries to hold up an upside down World Heavyweight Championship Belt, but his arms fall off*
Translator: The Great Khali said "Ouch, that hurt..."
Translator: The Great Khali also said "Please don't kill me."
- Randy RKO's The Translator*
- The Translator dies*
Edge: WHAT THE HELL! THE GREAT KHALI WON'T DIE! *runs his hand wildly through his hair*
- Matt Hardy pops out from behind the wall*
Matt Hardy: I WILL NOT DIIEEEEE! *Jumps around and throws up gang signs*
Edge: GO AWAY MATT! *Edge Scowls*
- Matt Hardy leaves*
Randy: What the **** do we have to do to kill this mother****er!?
- A car comes crashing through the wall and hits The Great Khali*
- The Great Khali dies*
- Nick Hogan and Shelton Benjamin get out of the car*
Nick Hogan: Dude, Shelton!, why did you make me crash into the wall!!? *Nick Hogan looks like a tool*
Shelton: Sorry, I botched... I thought the wall was an underpass...*Tries to pat Nick Hogan on the back, but botches and falls down*
Nick Hogan: Dude man, we gotta get out of here!! *Nick Hogan looks like a tool*
Shelton: Alright, let's go! *Tries to run away, but botches and breaks his ankle*
- Edge and Randy look at each other and smile*
- Edge unleashes a devastating spear to Nick Hogan
- Nick Hogan dies*
- Randy RKO's Nick Hogan*
- Nick Hogan dies even more*
Edge: Man, we totally reek of awesome! *Edge Scowls*
Randy: Alright Edge, I'll catch up with you later man *Orton Pose*
Edge: Alright man, cya.
- Edge goes to Teddy Long's office*
Edge: TEDDY! THE GREAT KHALI IS DEAD! WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO!? *runs his hand wildly through his hair*
Teddy Long: Relax, playa!! Tonight, you will have a match... and the winner will become the new World Heavyweight Champion!!
Michael Cole: OH MY! TEDDY LONG IS MAKING A B-LINE TO EDGE'S EAR!
Edge: Awesome! Who is my opponent. TELL ME NOW TEDDY! *squats down and wildly moves his fingers*
Teddy Long: TONIGHT PLAYA, YOU WILL GO ONE-ON-ONE WITH THE UNDAATAA....
- Edge spears Teddy Long*
- Teddy Long is almost dead*
Edge: NO THE **** I WON'T FACE THE UNDERTAKER, ARE YOU SERIOUS!!?? *runs his hand wildly through his hair*
Teddy Long: Playa... I was going to say the UNDAATAKAAH'S long lost, mentally challenged, third cousin on his father's side.. EUGENE!
- Teddy Long dies*
Edge: Ohh... in that case, sorry... that you had to die..
- Matt Hardy pops out from the closet*
Matt Hardy: TEDDY LONG HAS DIIIEED! *Jumps around and throws up gang signs*
- Edge spears Matt Hardy*
- Matt Hardy dies*
Edge: I THOUGHT YOU COULDN'T DIE YOU PIECE OF TRASH!
Edge: LOOK AT YOU KNOW, YOU'RE DEAD! *runs his hand wildly through his hair*
- Ron Simmons enters the room*
Ron Simmons: Gosh darnit, Edge, why did you do that?
Edge: BECAUSE I AM THE RATED-R SUPERSTAR DAMNIT, I DO WHATEVER THE HELL I WANT! *runs his hand wildly through his hair*
Edge: NOW GET OUT OF MY WAY, I HAVE A WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP TO WIN!
- Fast forward to the main event*
Michael Cole: It's now time for the main event, for the World Heavyweight Championship!
JBL: OH MY! *smiles*
Michael Cole: It will be Edge vs. Eugene!
JBL: Michael, The lights are on bright, and we could see the Rated-R Era once again!! *Takes off cowboy hat and smiles*
Michael Cole: I HOPE NOT, JOHN! EDGE IS A BASTARD! HE'S A CHEATER! *Michael Cole cries*
JBL: Shut up, you pansy!
- DING DING*
Tony Chimel: The following contest is the MAIN EVENT!
- The Crowd pops*
Tony Chimel: Introducing first, from Louisville, Kentucky...
- dooo doooo dooo doo doo dooo... doooooooo doooooooooo... dooo doo doooooooo doooooooooo*
Tony Chimel: EUUUUUUUUGEEEEEEENEEE!
- Eugene bites his finger and waves*
Tony Chimel: Introducing next, from Toronto, Ontario, Canada.....
- YOU THINK YOU KNOW ME!! .... brrrr.... doodododdoddoododododdo dodo dodo doo dodo doooo fffffpt BOOOOOOMMM!
Tony Chimel: HE IS THE RRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTEDDD - ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR SUPERSTAR
Tony Chimel: EDGE!
- Edge gets in the ring and does his rope bouncy thing*
- Edge hands his MITB briefcase to the referee*
EDGE: I'M CASHING IT IN! RING THE BELL, RING THE DAMN BELL!!!
Michael Cole: CASHING WHAT IN!? YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE THE BRIEFCASE ANYMORE YOU SON OF A *****!
JBL: SHUT UP MICHAEL! HE IS THE RATED-R SUPERSTAR, HE CAN DO WHATEVER HE DAMN WELL PLEASES! *smiles*
- DING DING*
- Edge spears Eugene*
- Eugene dies*
JBL: BALLGAME!!
- Edge pins EUGENE*
Michael Cole: NO! NOT THIS WAY! *cries*
- ONE!!! TWO!!!! THREE!!!!!!!!*
- Crowd pops*
Tony Chimel: THE WINNER, AND THE NEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION!
Tony Chimel: THE RRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTEDDD - ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR SUPERSTAR
Tony Chimel: EDGE!
- Edge gets the title and makes out with it*
- Edge runs his hand wildly through his hair*
- Edge humps the title*
- Edge makes out with the title more*
- Smackdown goes off the air*
Day 5: The Brand Split Ends[]
- Edge arrives at the arena*
Randy: Hey, Edge! Did you hear? The brand split is over! *Orton Pose*
Edge: Oh man! That totally reeks of awesome! *Edge Scowls*
John Cena: EDGE AND RAAAAANNNNDY ORTON! Look at these two fly-swatting, mouse-clickers! *makes a funny face*
Edge: Looks like we're going to have a match to unify the titles, Cena.
John Cena: Looks like you're a butt sniffing, bra stuffing, cheese face!
Edge: CENA! JUST LISTEN UP! I'M CASHING IT IN AND TAKING THAT TITLE FROM YOU! *runs his hand wildly through his hair*
Edge: AND THEN I'M GOING TO BE THE UNDISPUTED RATED-R CHAMPION! *Edge Scowls*
John Cena: Yeah, well I'll just tell Vince to not let you win, you stupid faced cow horn! *looks at camera with a serious face*
Edge: I will beat your ass, and if Vince tries to stop me, I WILL SPEAR HIS ASS IN HALF!
- John Cena sticks his tongue out at Edge and runs away*
Edge: I WILL REIGN SUPREME IN THE WWE! *squats down and wildly moves his fingers*
Mark Henry: I don't think so Edge *starts sweating*
Edge: Oh yeah, and why's that!? *Edge Scowls*
Mark Henry: Because I don't intimidate easily. *starts sweating even more*
Mark Henry: And this is getting redundant! *Mark Henry squashes another jobber*
Jobber #214: Yes! I got a good paycheck! All I had to do was job to Mark Henry!
Mark Henry: You're lucky I didn't kill you. *sweats*
Mark Henry: I AM THE KING OF THE JUNGLE! *sweats*
- Jobber #214 drowns in Mark Henry's sweat*
- Jobber #214 dies*
- Mark Henry has a stroke from sweating too much*
JR: BAH GAWD! MARK BAH GAWD HENRY HAS HAD A STROKE!!
- Jim Ross has a stroke*
Edge: WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE! THIS IS MADNESS! *Edge Scowls*
Ron Simmons: Madness? THIS. IS. DAMN!
Edge: Ron get the **** out of here! You're an idiot and an overused, whored out, one trick pony.
Ron Simmons: Sorry Edge. *frowns*
Randy: Hey Edge, why don't you go pay Vince a visit and tell him to let you beat Cena. *Orton Pose*
Edge: Ok. Cya later, Randy.
- Edge goes to Vince's office*
- Edge walks past Extreme Expose*
Edge: Hey Ladies *smiles*
Brooke and Layla: Heeeey Edge! *smiles*
Edge: Have you seen Vince? WHERE THE HELL IS HE!?
Kelly Kelly *Is 10 seconds late* Hey Edge! *smiles*
Brooke and Layla: Yeah, he went that way!
Edge: Okay, thanks.
Kelly Kelly *Is 10 seconds late* Sorry, I haven't seen him.
Edge: Kelly Kelly, ARE YOU AN IDIOT!? DO YOU WANT ME TO CASH IT IN AGAINST YOU!? *squats down and wildly moves his fingers*
Kelly Kelly: *smiles*
- Edge unleashes a devastating spear to Kelly Kelly*
- Kelly Kelly stands there and smiles for 10 seconds and then she dies*
- Edge walks in Vince's office*
Edge: DAMNIT VINCE! I NEED TO CASH IT IN AND BEAT CENA! *runs his hand wildly through his hair*
Vince: I can't let you do that, Edge.
Vince: Cena is the top merchandise seller, and as you know IT'S ALLLLL ABOUT THE MUUUUUNNNNNNAAAAAAAYYY!
Edge: The money?
Vince: THE MUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNAAAAAAAAYYYYY!!
Vince: Now listen here, you're going to job to Cena, and you're going to like it.
Edge: WE'LL JUST SEE ABOUT THAT! I'M GOING TO CASH IT IN SOMEHOW!
Edge: SOMEWAY! *runs his hand wildly through his hair*
Jarred from Subway: Did somebody say Subway!? *smiles and holds up his old fat pants*
Edge: WHERE THE HELL DID YOU COME FROM YOU FRUIT BASKET!? *Edge Scowls*
Jarred from Subway: *smiles* The door was open, silly! *holds up his old fat pants*
- Edge unleashes a devastating spear to Jared from Subway*
- Jared from Subway dies*
Edge: YOU HAVEN'T HEARD THE LAST OF ME VINCE! I'M GOING TO CASH IT IN! *runs his hand wildly through his hair*
Edge: I'LL BE BACK!
The Terminator: YOU'LL BE BACK? I'LL BE BACK.
Edge: OH COME ON! WHAT THE ****!!?
- Edge unleashes a devastating spear to The Terminator*
- The Terminator dies*
Day 6: Cena vs. Edge - The Undisputed Title is on the Line![]
- Edge wakes up in a trashed hotel room*
Edge: WHAT THE HELL RANDY!? WHAT HAPPENED!? *runs his hand wildly through his hair*
Randy: Sorry Edge, I was looking for my Pokemon cards. *Orton Pose*
Randy: Don't worry, I do this all the time.
Randy: Just leave a note saying that if the maid tells anyone, you will kill her and her children. *Orton Pose*
Edge: Ok. Now get out, I have to get to the arena. *Edge Scowls*
Randy: Good luck tonight, Edge. *Orton Pose*
- Edge arrives at the arena*
Jeff Hardy: Good luck tonight, man! *Does the Jeff Hardy arm waving, seizure dance*
Edge: Thanks Jeff. *pats Jeff on the back*
Jeff Hardy: HEY! That's my back, man!
Edge: Oh, sorry. *Edge Scowls*
- Edge unleashes a devastating spear to Jeff Hardy*
- Jeff Hardy has suffered serious injuries and is bleeding from the mouth*
Jeff Hardy: Hey! These are internal injuries, man! *Does the Jeff Hardy arm waving, seizure dance*
- Jeff Hardy dies*
- Edge laughs*
John Morrison: I see that you have taken a step into extracurricular glory, by killing that monotonistic, sharper image, Jeff Hardy.
John Morrison: You have gained the approval of the Semen of Sexy.... John! Morrison! *Holds up a cardboard cutout of his ECW Title*
Edge: Uh, thanks. I uh, gotta run.
John Morrison: Run as you wish, or run as you may, the muscular physics of the legs are to be used whichever way it wants in the galaxy of the veins.
Edge: Ok.
JR: BAH GAWD! WELCOME EVERYBODY TO THE ROYAL BAH GAWD RUMBLE!!
King: Puppies are good for EVERYONE! AND SO IS THE ROYAL RUMBLE! AND PUPPIES TOO!
JBL: That's right, King. Puppies are good for everyone, except for Michael Cole! *smiles*
Michael Cole: Stop it, John! I AM NOT IN THE MOOD!
JBL: Well look at that, it's that time of the month for the man-chick, Michael Cole!
- Michael Cole cries*
JR: THE MAIN EVENT WILL BE: JOHN CENA VERSUS THE RATED-R SUPERSTAR, EDGE!
JBL: The Rated-R era will once again begin, and Edge will be the new Undisputed Champion!
King: HOLY CRAP! Look at those puppies on that girl in the front row! *smiles*
JR: BAH GAWD KANG, SHE'S MY GRAND DAUGHTER, AND SHE'S FIVE YEARS OLD!
King: ILLEGAL PUPPPPIEEESS!!!! AAAAAHHHH!! I WANT THEM!!
JR: LET'S GO TO THE BACK WHERE BAH GAWD, EDGE IS GETTING READY FOR THE MATCH!
- Edge is getting ready for his match*
- John Cena enters the locker room*
John Cena: SOOOO!! RATED TURD....
Edge: YEAH YEAH. RATED TURD POOPER STAR, I GET IT! *runs his hand wildly through his hair*
- John Cena looks at the camera and laughs*
John Cena: Now that is funny! You're a funny guy! *laughs some more*
John Cena: But listen, Edge. I'm not here to make jokes, even though your mother smells like an expired pixy stick.
John Cena: And your dad looks like a Dunkin Donut's Power Ranger's toe nail, but that's besides the point.
- John Cena looks at the camera with a serious face*
John Cena: I'm here to tell you that you are jobbing to me, you frog feces, Chex Mix!
Edge: Yeah, WE'LL JUST SEE ABOUT THAT! *runs his hand wildly through his hair*
Edge: I'M CASHING IT IN, CENA! I WILL BE THE UNDISPUTED CHAMPION! *Edge Scowls*
John Cena: I'm warning you, fart sneezing Koala bear! I will tell Vince if you try to pull something funny!
- John Cena leaves*
- Edge smiles as if he has a plan*
Day 6 1/2: The Undisputed Title is NOW on the Line![]
- DING DING*
Lilian Garcia: Yo quiero Taco Bell! *smiles*
Taco Bell Dog: *smiles*
Lilian: I mean... The following contest is the MAAAAINNN EVENT!!
Taco Bell Dog: *smiles*
Lilian: Introducing first, from Toronto, Ontario, Canada....
- YOU THINK YOU KNOW ME!! .... brrrr.... doodododdoddoododododdo dodo dodo doo dodo doooo fffffpt BOOOOOOMMM!*
- ON THIS DAY! I SEE CLEARLY!...*
Lilian: He is the RATED-R SUPERSTAR! EDDDGGEE!!
JR: WELL BAH GAWD! IT'S TIME FOR THE BAH GAWD MAIN EVENT, HERE AT THE ROYAL RUMBLE!
King: 30 puppies enter, only one puppy will win!! PUPPIES!!
King: WAIT! If only ONE puppy can win, what the ****, that's some ****ed up ****.
- Edge runs his hand wildly through his hair, while humping the mat*
- Edge Scowls*
Michael Cole: He is the ultimate opportunist!
JBL: Ballgame.
Michael Cole: What are you talking about, John? WE HAVEN'T EVEN STARTED THE MATCH.
JBL: SAY ONE MORE WORD, MICHAEL AND I WILL KILL YOU!
Michael Cole: That's it! I can't take it anymore! *cries*
- Michael Cole slits his wrist*
- Michael Cole dies*
JBL: Ballgame. *smiles*
Lilian Garcia: Introducing next, from West Newbury, Massachusetts, he is the UNDISPUTED CHAMPION! JOHN CEEEEEEENNNAAA!
- Crowd boos*
- doooooooooo, doooooooooooo, dummmmmmmm, dummmmmmmm, doooooo, doooooooo CLERRRRRGGGGHHHHH APPLEDOUGH!*
- Crowd boos*
JR: OH, BAH GAWD, CAN YOU FEEL IT!? THIS HAS THE MAKINGS OF SOMETHING, BAH GAWD, SPECIAL!
King: I want to feel Lilian's PUPPIES!!
- The referee checks for illegal weapons*
- The referee grabs John Cena's package*
- The referee smiles*
- John Cena smiles*
- DING DING*
JR: HE WE GO!! THIS IS WHAT WE'VE BEEN, BAH GAWD, WAITING FOR!
King: HERE I COME!!! THAT IS WHAT I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR!
- John Cena throws punches*
- Edge takes control for the next 10 minutes*
- EDGE HITS THE SPEAR!!!!*
- ONE.... TWO...... THRE--- NO!!*
JR: BAH GAWD CENA KICKED OUT!
JBL: Cena's going to Hulk up... is this even fun anymore?
- Cena hits the shoulder block, side slam, FIVE KNUCKLE SHUFFLE!*
- Crowd boos*
- Cena goes for the F-U!*
- CENA HITS THE F-U!*
- ONE.... TWO.... THRE--- **BANG**
JR: BAH GAWD WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!?
JBL: CENA HAS BEEN SHOT!
JR: BAH GAWD CENA MAY BE SHOT IN HALF!
- Edge covers Cena*
- ONE... TWO..... THHRREEE!!!!*
- crowd pops*
- DING DING*
Lilian: THE WINNER AND THE NEEWWWWWWW UNDISPUTED CHAMPION!!
Lilian: THE RATED-R SUPERSTARRRRR!! EDGGEEEE!!
- Edge runs his hand wildly through his hair*
- Edge humps the Undisputed Title*
- Edge makes out with the Title*
- Edge grabs the microphone*
Edge: YEESSS!! THE RATED-R ERA HAS BEGUN ONCE AGAIN!! *runs his hand wildly through his hair*
Edge: And... Man! I'm glad I called THAT guy! *Edge Scowls*
That Guy from Billy Madison: *smiles*
Day 7: Edge Celebrates His Victory With Some Friends![]
- Edge wakes up next to his new Championship Belt*
- Edge humps the belt*
Edge: YEAAAAHH BABY! I'm the new champ, I CASHED IT IN!! *runs his hand wildly through his hair*
Flava Flav: YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAH BOOOOOOOOYYYYYYYYY! *Holds up his clock*
Edge: Flava Flav!?, how the hell did you get in my house. WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!?
Flava Flav: I just wanted to party with you, BOOOOOOOOYYYYYYYYYYY! *Holds up his clock*
Flava Flav: After all, you are the new CHAMP!! *Shows his grill*
Edge: GREAT IDEA, FLAV! LET'S THROW A PARTY!!
Flava Flav: FO SHO! I'll go find some hookers with STD's, and some crack, and you go get the weed!
- Flava Flav leaves to get some hookers with STDS, and some crack*
- A comet crashes down and lands on Flav*
- Flava Flav dies*
Hulk Hogan: WHEN IT COMES CRASHING DOWN, BROTHER! AND IT HURTS INSIDE, BROTHER! *Hogan flexes*
- Hulk Hogan dies*
Edge: How the hell did Hogan die!? WHATEVER IT DOESN'T MATTER, I NEED TO GET SOME WEED!
- Randy Orton appears*
Randy: WHO SAID WEED!? WHO GOTS THE WEED!? *Orton Pose*
Randy: COME ON, MOTHER****ERS, LET'S SPARK UP! *rubs wrist*
Edge: Relax Randy, we don't have any yet.
Randy: Aww come on man, I want some weed!
Batista: I want some weed. *Takes off sunglasses*
Edge: WHO THE HELL INVITED YOU, DAVE!? *squats down and wildly moves his fingers*
Batista: *coughs* The basketball.
A Basketball: NO THE **** I DIDN'T, I'm still holding my grudge against you!
Batista: I want my rematch.
A Basketball: I beat you fair and square, Batista, you do not deserve a rematch against me!
Edge: SHUT UP GUYS, WE STILL NEED TO GET SOME WEED! *Edge Scowls*
Batista: I want some weed.
Edge: I ****ING KNOW, SHUT THE HELL UP!
- Batista coughs*
Randy: Let's just walk down to the corner, and get some! *Orton Pose*
- Edge, Randy, Batista, and the Basketball walk to the corner to get some weed*
Edge: Look! There's a dealer over there!
Edge: Hey man! Give us some good ****!
Sabu the Drug Dealer: I'm Sabu. *Looks and points up*
Sabu: And today, I will sell you some green. *smiles*
Edge: How much money do we have!? I have 12 bucks.
Randy: I only have 3.
Batista: $1.59
The Basketball: I got 10 bucks.
Edge: NICE! Give us all you can for $26.59! *Edge Scowls*
Sabu: I'm Sabu. *Looks and points up*
Sabu: And today, I will take your $26.59 and give you some green. *smiles*
Edge: Thanks Sabu!
- Sabu nods and flies away on a Magic Carpet*
Edge: TIME TO SMOKE IT UP BABY!
Batista: I want to smoke it up, baby.
Edge: YOU KNOW WHAT BATISTA, I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU!
Edge: YOU'RE NOT GETTING ANY OF THIS WEED, NOW GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE! *runs his hand wildly through his hair*
Batista: You'll *cough* regret that.
Batista leaves*
Edge, Randy, and the Basketball all go back to Edge's place to get high*
- The Basketball dies from smoking too much*