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The Edge Diary

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Made by mills__ on the PWB.


THE EDGE DIARY

Day 1: Edge Needs a New Car

  • Edge wakes up in his hotel room*
  • Edge goes over and opens the curtains*

Edge: ON THIS DAY, I SEE CLEARLY! *runs his hand wildly through his hair*

  • The Phone rings*

Edge: This is the Rated-R Superstar! WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT!? *runs his hand wildly through his hair*

Tony Chimel: Is this the RRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTEDDD - ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR SUPERSTAR? EDGE!?

Edge: Yes, I just said it was.

Tony Chimel: We need you to come down to the parking lot, something happened to your car.

Edge: WHAT!? I'LL BE RIGHT THERE. *runs his hand wildly through his hair*

  • Edge goes to the parking lot*

Tony Chimel: It seems like your car was involved in an accident...

Edge: What are you talking about?

Tony Chimel: Well, THE ANNNNIIIMAAALLLL, BAAAAAAAATISSSSSSSTAAAAAA, may have hit your car.

  • Batista runs out from behind his car*
  • Batista does his machine gun entrance*

Edge: WHAT THE HELL YOU MORON!, WHAT DID YOU DO!? *squats down and wildly moves his fingers*

Batista: Relax.

  • Batista coughs*

Batista: I. Didn't. Do. It. *pokes Edge's chest*

Edge: Yes. YOU DID! *pokes Batista's chest*

Batista: NO. I. DIDN'T!. *pokes Edge's chest*

Tony Chimel: Relax guys. Do you both have insurance?

Edge: Yes.

Batista: I. Want. Your. Insurance. Papers.

  • Batista coughs*

Edge: ARE YOU AN IDIOT!? YOU HIT MY CAR! *runs his hand wildly through his hair*

Batista: Cars. Don't. Hold. Grudges.

Edge: You know what, I was going to get a new car soon anyway, so it doesn't matter.

Batista: Congratulations. I want my rematch.

Edge: YOUR REMATCH FOR WHAT, YOU INBRED PIECE OF CRAP!? *Edge Scowls*

Batista: No. I'm. Not. *pokes Edge's chest*

Edge: I don't have time for this Batista, I'm going to the auto mall.

  • Edge goes to look for a new car*

Wrestling Superstar Virgil: Hey buddy, what can I help you with?

  • Edge laughs*

Edge: I, um, I need a new car. *Edge Scowls*

Wrestling Superstar Virgil: well, that's obvious. You're at an auto mall, aren't you?

Edge: DON'T YOU GET SMART WITH ME YOU PIECE OF CRAP! *squats down and wildly moves his fingers*

Wrestling Superstar Virgil: Sorry. Come with me, I'll show you around.

  • Edge and The Wrestling Superstar Virgil walk around*

Edge: Oh man, I like that one! I want it!

Wrestling Superstar Virgil: No **** you want it, you moron.

Edge: LISTEN, IF YOU GET SMART WITH ME ONE MORE TIME *squats down and wildly moves his fingers*

Wrestling Superstar Virgil: Sorry, come on, I'll give you the papers for it.

Wrestling Superstar Virgil: Do you have your credit card?

Edge: No. I have this *Puts MitB briefcase on the counter*

Edge: I'M CASHING IT IN! *runs his hand wildly through his hair*

Edge: I'M CASHING IT IN!! RING THE BELL!! RING THE DAMN BELL!!!

Wrestling Superstar Virgil: Are you stupid, you can't use that?

Edge: ARE YOU STILL GETTING SMART WITH ME!? THAT'S IT! *squats down and wildly moves his fingers*

  • Edge unleashes a devastating spear on The Wrestling Superstar Virgil*
  • The Wrestling Superstar Virgil's body splits in half*
  • The Wrestling Superstar Virgil dies*
  • Edge gets in his new car and drives away*


Day 2: Edge's Return to the Ring

Edge: Man, I feel great! *Edge humps the bed*

Edge: I'm ready to return to the ring!

Edge: Let me call Vince and tell him! *squats down and wildly moves his fingers*

  • Edge calls Vince*

Vince: Hello.

Edge: Hey, Vince. It's Edge.

Vince: Hi.

Edge: Listen, I'm 100 percent now, I can go! I'M CASHING IT IN! *runs his hand wildly through his hair*

Vince: Ok, come down to the arena and we'll talk.

  • Edge humps the phone*

Vince: Edge, did you just hump the phone?

Edge: Yes. I reek of awesome! *Edge Scowls*

Vince: Can you hump it again, I liked that sound *smiles*

Edge: No.

Edge: Goodbye.

Edge: Time to go down to the arena. *smiles*

  • Edge arrives at the arena*
  • John Cena walks up to Edge*

John Cena: WELL, WELL WELL, LOOK WHO IT IS! *Lifts hand in the air*

John Cena: It's the Rated-Turd Pooper Star! HOW YA DOIN' BUDDY!? *Pats Edge on the back*

Michael Cole: HA-HA-HA! That John Cena is hilarious! I want to have his babies!

Edge: SHUT UP, COLE! *Edge Scowls*

Edge: Don't touch me Cena, I swear to God, I'll cash it in. *runs his hand wildly through his hair*

John Cena: WHOA, WHOA, RELAX! No need to get uptight, you Applebee's key chain! *looks at camera with serious face*

Edge: Cena, you don't even make sense, you're an idiot *Edge Scowls*

John Cena: You might be right, but you smell like my grandmother's tomato farm dipped in butt cheese! *Makes a funny face*

Edge: SAY ONE MORE ****ING WORD, JOHN. I SWEAR I WILL CASH IT IN! DON'T TEST ME! I WILL CASH IT IN! *squats down and wildly moves his fingers*

John Cena: Sorry.

  • Edge goes into Vince's Office*

Edge: I'm back baby, I'm ready to return.

Vince: Good, I'll put you in a feud with Rey Mysterio, and we'll take it from there.

Edge: Okay.

  • Batista comes in*
  • Batista coughs*

Batista: I want my rematch.

Vince: What? Rematch against who? What are you talking about

  • Batista leaves*

Edge: Wow, that Batista guy is a moron.

Vince: Yes, yes he is. Now get out.

Vince: Git, git, git, git, git, git, git...

  • Edge unleashes a devistating spear to Vince McMahon*
  • Vince McMahon cracks 7 ribs, and has a broken hip*

Edge: Let me go tell Rey about what's going on.

Edge: Hey Rey, what's up

Rey Mysterio: *smiles* Nothing much, hollllllmes *smiles*

Edge: Well, I'm just letting you know that I'll be cashing it in against you.

Rey Mysterio: *smiles* Okay, holllllmes *smiles*

  • Edge turns around to walk out the door*
  • Rey Mysterio tries to 619 Edge*
  • Rey Mysterio misses and tears his quad*
  • Kevin Nash enters the room*

Kevin Nash: Argh, Rey Mysterio tore his quad!

  • Kevin Nash tries to leave the room, but tears his quad*

Edge: What the hell! Are you stupid!? *Edge Scowls*

Rey Mysterio: *smiles* Yes, holllllmes *smiles*

Edge: Now what am I going to do!? I need to cash it in against somebody!


Day 3: Edge meets and old friend

  • The Phone Rings*

Edge: Hello.

Vince: Hey Edge, it's me, Vince.

Edge: Hi. *smiles*

Vince: Listen, we're going to be putting you in a feud against The Great Khali.

Vince: Is that ok?

Edge: Yes.

Vince: Ok

  • Edge hangs up*

Edge: Man, The Great Khali, he's huge!

  • The Phone rings again*

Edge: Hello!? WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT!? *runs his hand wildly through his hair*

The Great Khali: ASUEFRAEYUERASGGUERALLESGHA!! *Holds up an upside down World Heavyweight Championship Belt*

Translator: The Great Khali says "hi"

The Great Khali: FRIAGASUEFRUEERRSGUYRASUMWAHNSHAHHAFAFRAUGAAS!! *Points at the Phone*

Translator: The Great Khali says "At The Royal Rumble, you will lose, and then you will die"

Edge: That's nice, but tell The Great Khali that I'm going to beat his ass, and cash it in!

Edge: AND THEN TELL THAT PIECE OF CRAP THAT I'M GOING TO SPEAR HIM IN HALF! *runs his hand wildly through his hair*

The Great Khali: REUUGUAUUGFASGRASARAURUAIZZHGGAHHGAHRAMANFAHNISH!! *Holds up an upside down World Heavyweight Championship Belt*

Translator: The Great Khali said "You're a meanie" and now he is crying.

  • Edge hangs up*

Edge: I'm going to kick Khali's ass, and then be the new World Heavyweight Champion! *Edge humps a picture of him holding up the World Heavyweight Championship Belt*

  • The Phone rings again*

Edge: GODDAMNIT WHAT DO YOU WANT!?

Batista: I want my rematch.

  • Batista hangs up*
  • Edge gets in his car to go to the arena*
  • On his way there, he spots Randy Orton*

Edge: HEY RANDY! *smiles*

Randy: Hi.

Edge: Come on, get in, let's go cruise for some poontang! *smiles*

Randy: *smiles, followed by an *Orton Pose*

  • Edge and Randy go cruise for poontang*
  • Randy spots a fine lookin' female*

Randy: Let me out, there's a nice piece of ass right there! *Orton Pose*

Edge: DUDE! That's Lita, I can't let you out! *runs his hand wildly through his hair*

Randy: EDGE! LET ME OUT, I TOOK OUT SHAWN MICHAELS, I TOOK OUT RVD, AND YOU WILL BE NEXT IF YOU DON'T LET ME OUT!

Edge: Fine.

  • Randy walks up to Lita*

Randy: Hey Lita. *smiles*

Lita: Hi Randy. *Lita tries to have sex with Randy*

Randy: Whoa, Lita. Relax. Let's go back to my place and do it! *Orton Pose*

Lita: Okay!

  • Randy gives some flowers to Lita*
  • Lita tries to have sex with the flowers*
  • Lita gives the flowers herpes*

Randy: Come on, let's get in the car *Orton Pose*

  • Randy and Lita get back into the car*
  • Lita tries to have sex with the car*
  • Lita gives the car AIDS*

Edge: WHAT THE HELL! LITA YOU SKANK! *runs his hand wildly through his hair*

Randy: Edge, just take us back to my place, or I'll leave a juicy number two on the hood of your car!

Michael Cole: NO! NOT THIS WAY!

Edge: Fine.

  • On the way back to Orton's hotel, Lita dies from having so many STD's*

JBL: BALLGAME! *takes off cowboy hat and smiles*

  • Edge humps the dead body of Lita*
  • Randy poops on the dead body of Lita*
  • Cryme Tyme robs the dead body of Lita*

Edge: **** it, let's just go to the arena.


Day 4: Edge meets the Great Khali

  • Edge and Randy arrive at the arena*

Edge: Hey look Randy, it's The Great Khali! *Edge Scowls*

Randy: Let's beat his ass! *Orton Pose*

Edge: Cool, let's do it! *squats down and wildly moves his fingers*

  • Edge and Randy beat The Great Khali's ass*
  • Edge unleashes a devastating spear to The Great Khali
  • The Great Khali suffers a collapsed lung and a broken pelvis*
  • Randy RKO's The Great Khali
  • The Great Khali is almost dead*

The Great Khali: REUFAHFHSGHAHSANGSUGURSIOSHFMALLSDAFAASJAQYRWASHH *Tries to hold up an upside down World Heavyweight Championship Belt, but his arms fall off*

Translator: The Great Khali said "Ouch, that hurt..."

Translator: The Great Khali also said "Please don't kill me."

  • Randy RKO's The Translator*
  • The Translator dies*

Edge: WHAT THE HELL! THE GREAT KHALI WON'T DIE! *runs his hand wildly through his hair*

  • Matt Hardy pops out from behind the wall*

Matt Hardy: I WILL NOT DIIEEEEE! *Jumps around and throws up gang signs*

Edge: GO AWAY MATT! *Edge Scowls*

  • Matt Hardy leaves*

Randy: What the **** do we have to do to kill this mother****er!?

  • A car comes crashing through the wall and hits The Great Khali*
  • The Great Khali dies*
  • Nick Hogan and Shelton Benjamin get out of the car*

Nick Hogan: Dude, Shelton!, why did you make me crash into the wall!!? *Nick Hogan looks like a tool*

Shelton: Sorry, I botched... I thought the wall was an underpass...*Tries to pat Nick Hogan on the back, but botches and falls down*

Nick Hogan: Dude man, we gotta get out of here!! *Nick Hogan looks like a tool*

Shelton: Alright, let's go! *Tries to run away, but botches and breaks his ankle*

  • Edge and Randy look at each other and smile*
  • Edge unleashes a devastating spear to Nick Hogan
  • Nick Hogan dies*
  • Randy RKO's Nick Hogan*
  • Nick Hogan dies even more*

Edge: Man, we totally reek of awesome! *Edge Scowls*

Randy: Alright Edge, I'll catch up with you later man *Orton Pose*

Edge: Alright man, cya.

  • Edge goes to Teddy Long's office*

Edge: TEDDY! THE GREAT KHALI IS DEAD! WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO!? *runs his hand wildly through his hair*

Teddy Long: Relax, playa!! Tonight, you will have a match... and the winner will become the new World Heavyweight Champion!!

Michael Cole: OH MY! TEDDY LONG IS MAKING A B-LINE TO EDGE'S EAR!

Edge: Awesome! Who is my opponent. TELL ME NOW TEDDY! *squats down and wildly moves his fingers*

Teddy Long: TONIGHT PLAYA, YOU WILL GO ONE-ON-ONE WITH THE UNDAATAA....

  • Edge spears Teddy Long*
  • Teddy Long is almost dead*

Edge: NO THE **** I WON'T FACE THE UNDERTAKER, ARE YOU SERIOUS!!?? *runs his hand wildly through his hair*

Teddy Long: Playa... I was going to say the UNDAATAKAAH'S long lost, mentally challenged, third cousin on his father's side.. EUGENE!

  • Teddy Long dies*

Edge: Ohh... in that case, sorry... that you had to die..

  • Matt Hardy pops out from the closet*

Matt Hardy: TEDDY LONG HAS DIIIEED! *Jumps around and throws up gang signs*

  • Edge spears Matt Hardy*
  • Matt Hardy dies*

Edge: I THOUGHT YOU COULDN'T DIE YOU PIECE OF TRASH!

Edge: LOOK AT YOU KNOW, YOU'RE DEAD! *runs his hand wildly through his hair*

  • Ron Simmons enters the room*

Ron Simmons: Gosh darnit, Edge, why did you do that?

Edge: BECAUSE I AM THE RATED-R SUPERSTAR DAMNIT, I DO WHATEVER THE HELL I WANT! *runs his hand wildly through his hair*

Edge: NOW GET OUT OF MY WAY, I HAVE A WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP TO WIN!

  • Fast forward to the main event*

Michael Cole: It's now time for the main event, for the World Heavyweight Championship!

JBL: OH MY! *smiles*

Michael Cole: It will be Edge vs. Eugene!

JBL: Michael, The lights are on bright, and we could see the Rated-R Era once again!! *Takes off cowboy hat and smiles*

Michael Cole: I HOPE NOT, JOHN! EDGE IS A BASTARD! HE'S A CHEATER! *Michael Cole cries*

JBL: Shut up, you pansy!

  • DING DING*

Tony Chimel: The following contest is the MAIN EVENT!

  • The Crowd pops*

Tony Chimel: Introducing first, from Louisville, Kentucky...

  • dooo doooo dooo doo doo dooo... doooooooo doooooooooo... dooo doo doooooooo doooooooooo*

Tony Chimel: EUUUUUUUUGEEEEEEENEEE!

  • Eugene bites his finger and waves*

Tony Chimel: Introducing next, from Toronto, Ontario, Canada.....

  • YOU THINK YOU KNOW ME!! .... brrrr.... doodododdoddoododododdo dodo dodo doo dodo doooo fffffpt BOOOOOOMMM!

Tony Chimel: HE IS THE RRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTEDDD - ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR SUPERSTAR

Tony Chimel: EDGE!

  • Edge gets in the ring and does his rope bouncy thing*
  • Edge hands his MITB briefcase to the referee*

EDGE: I'M CASHING IT IN! RING THE BELL, RING THE DAMN BELL!!!

Michael Cole: CASHING WHAT IN!? YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE THE BRIEFCASE ANYMORE YOU SON OF A *****!

JBL: SHUT UP MICHAEL! HE IS THE RATED-R SUPERSTAR, HE CAN DO WHATEVER HE DAMN WELL PLEASES! *smiles*

  • DING DING*
  • Edge spears Eugene*
  • Eugene dies*

JBL: BALLGAME!!

  • Edge pins EUGENE*

Michael Cole: NO! NOT THIS WAY! *cries*

  • ONE!!! TWO!!!! THREE!!!!!!!!*
  • Crowd pops*

Tony Chimel: THE WINNER, AND THE NEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION!

Tony Chimel: THE RRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTEDDD - ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR SUPERSTAR

Tony Chimel: EDGE!

  • Edge gets the title and makes out with it*
  • Edge runs his hand wildly through his hair*
  • Edge humps the title*
  • Edge makes out with the title more*
  • Smackdown goes off the air*


Day 5: The Brand Split Ends

  • Edge arrives at the arena*

Randy: Hey, Edge! Did you hear? The brand split is over! *Orton Pose*

Edge: Oh man! That totally reeks of awesome! *Edge Scowls*

John Cena: EDGE AND RAAAAANNNNDY ORTON! Look at these two fly-swatting, mouse-clickers! *makes a funny face*

Edge: Looks like we're going to have a match to unify the titles, Cena.

John Cena: Looks like you're a butt sniffing, bra stuffing, cheese face!

Edge: CENA! JUST LISTEN UP! I'M CASHING IT IN AND TAKING THAT TITLE FROM YOU! *runs his hand wildly through his hair*

Edge: AND THEN I'M GOING TO BE THE UNDISPUTED RATED-R CHAMPION! *Edge Scowls*

John Cena: Yeah, well I'll just tell Vince to not let you win, you stupid faced cow horn! *looks at camera with a serious face*

Edge: I will beat your ass, and if Vince tries to stop me, I WILL SPEAR HIS ASS IN HALF!

  • John Cena sticks his tongue out at Edge and runs away*

Edge: I WILL REIGN SUPREME IN THE WWE! *squats down and wildly moves his fingers*

Mark Henry: I don't think so Edge *starts sweating*

Edge: Oh yeah, and why's that!? *Edge Scowls*

Mark Henry: Because I don't intimidate easily. *starts sweating even more*

Mark Henry: And this is getting redundant! *Mark Henry squashes another jobber*

Jobber #214: Yes! I got a good paycheck! All I had to do was job to Mark Henry!

Mark Henry: You're lucky I didn't kill you. *sweats*

Mark Henry: I AM THE KING OF THE JUNGLE! *sweats*

  • Jobber #214 drowns in Mark Henry's sweat*
  • Jobber #214 dies*
  • Mark Henry has a stroke from sweating too much*

JR: BAH GAWD! MARK BAH GAWD HENRY HAS HAD A STROKE!!

  • Jim Ross has a stroke*

Edge: WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE! THIS IS MADNESS! *Edge Scowls*

Ron Simmons: Madness? THIS. IS. DAMN!

Edge: Ron get the **** out of here! You're an idiot and an overused, whored out, one trick pony.

Ron Simmons: Sorry Edge. *frowns*

Randy: Hey Edge, why don't you go pay Vince a visit and tell him to let you beat Cena. *Orton Pose*

Edge: Ok. Cya later, Randy.

  • Edge goes to Vince's office*
  • Edge walks past Extreme Expose*

Edge: Hey Ladies *smiles*

Brooke and Layla: Heeeey Edge! *smiles*

Edge: Have you seen Vince? WHERE THE HELL IS HE!?

Kelly Kelly *Is 10 seconds late* Hey Edge! *smiles*

Brooke and Layla: Yeah, he went that way!

Edge: Okay, thanks.

Kelly Kelly *Is 10 seconds late* Sorry, I haven't seen him.

Edge: Kelly Kelly, ARE YOU AN IDIOT!? DO YOU WANT ME TO CASH IT IN AGAINST YOU!? *squats down and wildly moves his fingers*

Kelly Kelly: *smiles*

  • Edge unleashes a devastating spear to Kelly Kelly*
  • Kelly Kelly stands there and smiles for 10 seconds and then she dies*
  • Edge walks in Vince's office*

Edge: DAMNIT VINCE! I NEED TO CASH IT IN AND BEAT CENA! *runs his hand wildly through his hair*

Vince: I can't let you do that, Edge.

Vince: Cena is the top merchandise seller, and as you know IT'S ALLLLL ABOUT THE MUUUUUNNNNNNAAAAAAAYYY!

Edge: The money?

Vince: THE MUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNAAAAAAAAYYYYY!!

Vince: Now listen here, you're going to job to Cena, and you're going to like it.

Edge: WE'LL JUST SEE ABOUT THAT! I'M GOING TO CASH IT IN SOMEHOW!

Edge: SOMEWAY! *runs his hand wildly through his hair*

Jarred from Subway: Did somebody say Subway!? *smiles and holds up his old fat pants*

Edge: WHERE THE HELL DID YOU COME FROM YOU FRUIT BASKET!? *Edge Scowls*

Jarred from Subway: *smiles* The door was open, silly! *holds up his old fat pants*

  • Edge unleashes a devastating spear to Jared from Subway*
  • Jared from Subway dies*

Edge: YOU HAVEN'T HEARD THE LAST OF ME VINCE! I'M GOING TO CASH IT IN! *runs his hand wildly through his hair*

Edge: I'LL BE BACK!

The Terminator: YOU'LL BE BACK? I'LL BE BACK.

Edge: OH COME ON! WHAT THE ****!!?

  • Edge unleashes a devastating spear to The Terminator*
  • The Terminator dies*



Day 6: Cena vs. Edge - The Undisputed Title is on the Line!

  • Edge wakes up in a trashed hotel room*

Edge: WHAT THE HELL RANDY!? WHAT HAPPENED!? *runs his hand wildly through his hair*

Randy: Sorry Edge, I was looking for my Pokemon cards. *Orton Pose*

Randy: Don't worry, I do this all the time.

Randy: Just leave a note saying that if the maid tells anyone, you will kill her and her children. *Orton Pose*

Edge: Ok. Now get out, I have to get to the arena. *Edge Scowls*

Randy: Good luck tonight, Edge. *Orton Pose*

  • Edge arrives at the arena*

Jeff Hardy: Good luck tonight, man! *Does the Jeff Hardy arm waving, seizure dance*

Edge: Thanks Jeff. *pats Jeff on the back*

Jeff Hardy: HEY! That's my back, man!

Edge: Oh, sorry. *Edge Scowls*

  • Edge unleashes a devastating spear to Jeff Hardy*
  • Jeff Hardy has suffered serious injuries and is bleeding from the mouth*

Jeff Hardy: Hey! These are internal injuries, man! *Does the Jeff Hardy arm waving, seizure dance*

  • Jeff Hardy dies*
  • Edge laughs*

John Morrison: I see that you have taken a step into extracurricular glory, by killing that monotonistic, sharper image, Jeff Hardy.

John Morrison: You have gained the approval of the Semen of Sexy.... John! Morrison! *Holds up a cardboard cutout of his ECW Title*

Edge: Uh, thanks. I uh, gotta run.

John Morrison: Run as you wish, or run as you may, the muscular physics of the legs are to be used whichever way it wants in the galaxy of the veins.

Edge: Ok.

JR: BAH GAWD! WELCOME EVERYBODY TO THE ROYAL BAH GAWD RUMBLE!!

King: Puppies are good for EVERYONE! AND SO IS THE ROYAL RUMBLE! AND PUPPIES TOO!

JBL: That's right, King. Puppies are good for everyone, except for Michael Cole! *smiles*

Michael Cole: Stop it, John! I AM NOT IN THE MOOD!

JBL: Well look at that, it's that time of the month for the man-chick, Michael Cole!

  • Michael Cole cries*

JR: THE MAIN EVENT WILL BE: JOHN CENA VERSUS THE RATED-R SUPERSTAR, EDGE!

JBL: The Rated-R era will once again begin, and Edge will be the new Undisputed Champion!

King: HOLY CRAP! Look at those puppies on that girl in the front row! *smiles*

JR: BAH GAWD KANG, SHE'S MY GRAND DAUGHTER, AND SHE'S FIVE YEARS OLD!

King: ILLEGAL PUPPPPIEEESS!!!! AAAAAHHHH!! I WANT THEM!!

JR: LET'S GO TO THE BACK WHERE BAH GAWD, EDGE IS GETTING READY FOR THE MATCH!

  • Edge is getting ready for his match*
  • John Cena enters the locker room*

John Cena: SOOOO!! RATED TURD....

Edge: YEAH YEAH. RATED TURD POOPER STAR, I GET IT! *runs his hand wildly through his hair*

  • John Cena looks at the camera and laughs*

John Cena: Now that is funny! You're a funny guy! *laughs some more*

John Cena: But listen, Edge. I'm not here to make jokes, even though your mother smells like an expired pixy stick.

John Cena: And your dad looks like a Dunkin Donut's Power Ranger's toe nail, but that's besides the point.

  • John Cena looks at the camera with a serious face*

John Cena: I'm here to tell you that you are jobbing to me, you frog feces, Chex Mix!

Edge: Yeah, WE'LL JUST SEE ABOUT THAT! *runs his hand wildly through his hair*

Edge: I'M CASHING IT IN, CENA! I WILL BE THE UNDISPUTED CHAMPION! *Edge Scowls*

John Cena: I'm warning you, fart sneezing Koala bear! I will tell Vince if you try to pull something funny!

  • John Cena leaves*
  • Edge smiles as if he has a plan*


Day 6 1/2: The Undisputed Title is NOW on the Line!

  • DING DING*

Lilian Garcia: Yo quiero Taco Bell! *smiles*

Taco Bell Dog: *smiles*

Lilian: I mean... The following contest is the MAAAAINNN EVENT!!

Taco Bell Dog: *smiles*

Lilian: Introducing first, from Toronto, Ontario, Canada....

  • YOU THINK YOU KNOW ME!! .... brrrr.... doodododdoddoododododdo dodo dodo doo dodo doooo fffffpt BOOOOOOMMM!*
  • ON THIS DAY! I SEE CLEARLY!...*

Lilian: He is the RATED-R SUPERSTAR! EDDDGGEE!!

JR: WELL BAH GAWD! IT'S TIME FOR THE BAH GAWD MAIN EVENT, HERE AT THE ROYAL RUMBLE!

King: 30 puppies enter, only one puppy will win!! PUPPIES!!

King: WAIT! If only ONE puppy can win, what the ****, that's some ****ed up ****.

  • Edge runs his hand wildly through his hair, while humping the mat*
  • Edge Scowls*

Michael Cole: He is the ultimate opportunist!

JBL: Ballgame.

Michael Cole: What are you talking about, John? WE HAVEN'T EVEN STARTED THE MATCH.

JBL: SAY ONE MORE WORD, MICHAEL AND I WILL KILL YOU!

Michael Cole: That's it! I can't take it anymore! *cries*

  • Michael Cole slits his wrist*
  • Michael Cole dies*

JBL: Ballgame. *smiles*

Lilian Garcia: Introducing next, from West Newbury, Massachusetts, he is the UNDISPUTED CHAMPION! JOHN CEEEEEEENNNAAA!

  • Crowd boos*
  • doooooooooo, doooooooooooo, dummmmmmmm, dummmmmmmm, doooooo, doooooooo CLERRRRRGGGGHHHHH APPLEDOUGH!*
  • Crowd boos*

JR: OH, BAH GAWD, CAN YOU FEEL IT!? THIS HAS THE MAKINGS OF SOMETHING, BAH GAWD, SPECIAL!

King: I want to feel Lilian's PUPPIES!!

  • The referee checks for illegal weapons*
  • The referee grabs John Cena's package*
  • The referee smiles*
  • John Cena smiles*
  • DING DING*

JR: HE WE GO!! THIS IS WHAT WE'VE BEEN, BAH GAWD, WAITING FOR!

King: HERE I COME!!! THAT IS WHAT I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR!

  • John Cena throws punches*
  • Edge takes control for the next 10 minutes*
  • EDGE HITS THE SPEAR!!!!*
  • ONE.... TWO...... THRE--- NO!!*

JR: BAH GAWD CENA KICKED OUT!

JBL: Cena's going to Hulk up... is this even fun anymore?

  • Cena hits the shoulder block, side slam, FIVE KNUCKLE SHUFFLE!*
  • Crowd boos*
  • Cena goes for the F-U!*
  • CENA HITS THE F-U!*
  • ONE.... TWO.... THRE--- **BANG**

JR: BAH GAWD WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!?

JBL: CENA HAS BEEN SHOT!

JR: BAH GAWD CENA MAY BE SHOT IN HALF!

  • Edge covers Cena*
  • ONE... TWO..... THHRREEE!!!!*
  • crowd pops*
  • DING DING*

Lilian: THE WINNER AND THE NEEWWWWWWW UNDISPUTED CHAMPION!!

Lilian: THE RATED-R SUPERSTARRRRR!! EDGGEEEE!!

  • Edge runs his hand wildly through his hair*
  • Edge humps the Undisputed Title*
  • Edge makes out with the Title*
  • Edge grabs the microphone*

Edge: YEESSS!! THE RATED-R ERA HAS BEGUN ONCE AGAIN!! *runs his hand wildly through his hair*

Edge: And... Man! I'm glad I called THAT guy! *Edge Scowls*

That Guy from Billy Madison: *smiles*


Day 7: Edge Celebrates His Victory With Some Friends!

  • Edge wakes up next to his new Championship Belt*
  • Edge humps the belt*

Edge: YEAAAAHH BABY! I'm the new champ, I CASHED IT IN!! *runs his hand wildly through his hair*

Flava Flav: YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAH BOOOOOOOOYYYYYYYYY! *Holds up his clock*

Edge: Flava Flav!?, how the hell did you get in my house. WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!?

Flava Flav: I just wanted to party with you, BOOOOOOOOYYYYYYYYYYY! *Holds up his clock*

Flava Flav: After all, you are the new CHAMP!! *Shows his grill*

Edge: GREAT IDEA, FLAV! LET'S THROW A PARTY!!

Flava Flav: FO SHO! I'll go find some hookers with STD's, and some crack, and you go get the weed!

  • Flava Flav leaves to get some hookers with STDS, and some crack*
  • A comet crashes down and lands on Flav*
  • Flava Flav dies*

Hulk Hogan: WHEN IT COMES CRASHING DOWN, BROTHER! AND IT HURTS INSIDE, BROTHER! *Hogan flexes*

  • Hulk Hogan dies*

Edge: How the hell did Hogan die!? WHATEVER IT DOESN'T MATTER, I NEED TO GET SOME WEED!

  • Randy Orton appears*

Randy: WHO SAID WEED!? WHO GOTS THE WEED!? *Orton Pose*

Randy: COME ON, MOTHER****ERS, LET'S SPARK UP! *rubs wrist*

Edge: Relax Randy, we don't have any yet.

Randy: Aww come on man, I want some weed!

Batista: I want some weed. *Takes off sunglasses*

Edge: WHO THE HELL INVITED YOU, DAVE!? *squats down and wildly moves his fingers*

Batista: *coughs* The basketball.

A Basketball: NO THE **** I DIDN'T, I'm still holding my grudge against you!

Batista: I want my rematch.

A Basketball: I beat you fair and square, Batista, you do not deserve a rematch against me!

Edge: SHUT UP GUYS, WE STILL NEED TO GET SOME WEED! *Edge Scowls*

Batista: I want some weed.

Edge: I ****ING KNOW, SHUT THE HELL UP!

  • Batista coughs*

Randy: Let's just walk down to the corner, and get some! *Orton Pose*

  • Edge, Randy, Batista, and the Basketball walk to the corner to get some weed*

Edge: Look! There's a dealer over there!

Edge: Hey man! Give us some good ****!

Sabu the Drug Dealer: I'm Sabu. *Looks and points up*

Sabu: And today, I will sell you some green. *smiles*

Edge: How much money do we have!? I have 12 bucks.

Randy: I only have 3.

Batista: $1.59

The Basketball: I got 10 bucks.

Edge: NICE! Give us all you can for $26.59! *Edge Scowls*

Sabu: I'm Sabu. *Looks and points up*

Sabu: And today, I will take your $26.59 and give you some green. *smiles*

Edge: Thanks Sabu!

  • Sabu nods and flies away on a Magic Carpet*

Edge: TIME TO SMOKE IT UP BABY!

Batista: I want to smoke it up, baby.

Edge: YOU KNOW WHAT BATISTA, I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU!

Edge: YOU'RE NOT GETTING ANY OF THIS WEED, NOW GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE! *runs his hand wildly through his hair*

Batista: You'll *cough* regret that.

Batista leaves*

Edge, Randy, and the Basketball all go back to Edge's place to get high*

  • The Basketball dies from smoking too much*

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