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The Six Family Series By Ned Grabiec
Warning: Suitable for persons 10 years and over. May have too much beeping. No children younger than 10 should look at this.
The Six Family
Now you happened to come upon a very strange family. There were two adults and four children. The adults were James the father and Jamie the mother. The children were William a 14 year old teenager who watched scary films and liked films like Horrid Henry and Father Ted, then there was Jerry a 9 year old boy who got up to mischief and lived in the same room as Ben who was 7 years old and mischievious too and finally Emily a 2 year old toddler who couldn't say words right. They happened to also swear a lot which is why you should be 10 or older. Ben was writing his diary athough he spelt words by how they sounded this is what he wrote
'Toodaey at scool, Iy had too doo matfs, Iy hat matfs, it iz so booring and stoopid. Iy calld miy teecher Miss Higglbottom 'wigglbutt'. Shee gav mee no plaeytim. I hat her. At leest, scool soon finishd. Bossey old Bev got mee intoo troubl in class. Miss Higglbottom gav mee a blak mark'
And I am sorry to say he'd written bad words on the back of Emily's neck. Emily got a mirror and saw he had drawn very bad words but he'd spelt them wrong and Emily found it hard to say the actual words. "Ben call me a sit" which actually meant the rude word, but she could say the 'f' word right minus the 'c'. Jamie was cross with Ben AND Jerry. "No pocket money for a month" she said to both of them. She gave William their pocket money. Ben would have got £2 more and Jerry would have £3 more. William got £7.50. Now William would have £12.50 that week. Ben, Jerry and Emily would have nothing but Jamie bought Emily toys of her own. Ben and Jerry put their money together to buy what they wanted. They had in total only 1p left. But then they remembered. When they had £31. But they'd spent £30 on Mr Men The Complete Collection and then 99p on a chocolate ice cream with a flake. The Mr Men books were on the shelves. There were 50 in total. And it was their first Mr Men books ever. They'd only read Mr Tickle, Mr Bump, Mr Funny, Mr Rude and 12 Days of Christmas. They loved Mr Tickle and 12 Days of Christmas best. They'd been learning burping ever since they'd read Mr Rude. They then had an idea to set a Yard Sale outside. They looked for old stuff. They found an old poster of their worst show Noddy. They put in a box and put a price tag on. They were going to charge £1 for the old poster. Then they found William's Ipod and put it in. They were going to charge £10 for the ipod. Then they found Emily's old Noddy books made since 1949. Noddy Goes To Toyland, Noddy Goes to School and Noddy and the Farmyard Muddle. 75p for each or all three for £2. They put the box outside. A man came along. "How much for the poster?" he asked "£1" said Ben. "I'll give you 65p" he said "What?" said Jerry "It's worth at least 85p" "My final offer is 80p" said the man "Okay" said Ben. He gave the man the poster and the man gave them a 50p coin, a 20p coin and a 10p coin. Then William's good friend Al came up. "How much do you want for this ipod?" he asked "And does it ever get used anymore?" "No" said Ben. That wasn't a lie because he'd never seen William use it ever since he was 12. "It is £10 for the ipod" said Ben. "Will you accept £9? I only have £9.01. I've used the rest of my money" "Okay" said Ben. £9! What a bargain! "That was stupid" said Jerry as Al walked away with the ipod. "At least we got nearly £10" said Ben. Then their neighbours came along. Their neighbour was very young and his parents were quite young too but only 30. "Would you like those Noddy books?" the mum asked his son "Yes" said the neighbour. The neighbour was 3. "How many would you like?" asked Ben "All 3" said the dad. "Same as our son's age" "That's £2" said Ben. "Will you not miss these" asked the mum "No, they never get read" Jerry said quickly. Now Ben and Jerry had £11.80. "Still not enough for the Lego Pirates book" said Ben "The Book People are selling it for £20" "Maybe we'll find one on Ebay" said Jerry. So they looked. Eventually they found one. It had 3 bids up to £5. Postage was free. Ben tried £11.80. "You've been outbid. Do you want to bid again?" asked Ebay. "Bother" said Ben "It's a bl---y bother" said Jerry. Then they had an idea. Jerry had won over fifty gold medals. Ben had only won black medals. "Roll up! Roll up!" said Jerry "See this gold medal for £1 every time you look" "And see my black medal for 10p every time you look" said Ben. Everyone looked at the medals. But they did not pay even one penny. "What f---ing rotten people" said a cross Jerry. They'd run out of ideas. On TV it said "Do you have not enough money?" "No" Ben and Jerry said "Then find a way to win £10,000" "£10,000!" Ben said amazed. "Yes" said the person on TV "Enter my gameshow. Get a chance to win £10,000. If you get one question wrong. You leave with nothing" Ben and Jerry came to the show. Their nasty cousin Spencer was coming too. "I'm gonna win losers" he said."Yeah right Spencer" said Jerry. "First Question" said the Contestent. "What is 12 add 2?" "Is it 14?" asked Ben "Yes" said the Contestent. "You have now got £20 unless you get a question wrong" But then Spencer said the wrong answer when they were up to £9080. "Noooooooooo" they wailed.
The Six Family Go To The Large Park
The Six Family were in the car with Aunt Sarah, Uncle Henry, Spencer and Grandpa Bill. They were going to the biggest park in the world. It had 4 swings, a see saw, 10 slides, 3 pools and 8 climbing frames. Spencer was teasing Ben and Jerry "Ha, ha, you lost" he whispered to them "When we tried to win £10,000 I won it". "You were so mean" said Jerry "We so hate you Spencer!" said Ben "I've got the Lego Pirates book" "That's what we tried to buy" said Ben "Yes! We didn't have enough though" said Jerry "Ha, if you want it then you can't have it!" Spencer sniffed. "Don't be so rude" said Ben crossly. "I'll push you off the seesaw" said Spencer "We'll push you down the slide" said Jerry "Don't be rude to your cousin, Ben and Jerry!" said Jamie. Spencer was 12. Neither William or Emily liked him either. Spencer was always teasing Ben when he only won black medals, he said mean words nastily at Emily when she started crying and he always deleted William's games on William's I-Phone like he deleted the Toy Story 3 and the Thomas games. William was cross but then Spencer got him into trouble. "I'm going to buy the most expensive things in the shop and the best" "You two will only be able to buy stupid stuff like pencils, pens, crayons and baby books" he said rudely when they got out. Then he snatched Emily's Barbie doll, he ripped the head off and threw it into the hedge with Barbie's body. Emily started to cry. "Shut up" he said "Spencer rip Barbe doll up" Emily said to Jamie. But Spencer didn't apologize. "You made our sister cry" Ben and Jerry said madly. "We don't hate Emily. We just tease her" "I suggest you pay for another Barbie doll with your money" said Ben. "No way!" said Spencer "She's such a baby and so are you. All four of you are babies. You're the worst cousins in the world. I hate you all! Especially you Ben! "RIGHT!" Jamie shouted "That's it Spencer. As a punishment you can replace the old Barbie doll with YOUR own money and you can give most of the rest to your cousins" So in the shops Spencer had to replace Emily's Barbie with another one and only had £20. Ben bought a Shrek and a Thomas Stationary set.
Later Ben and Jerry had two stationary sets and the Toy Story 3 Lego Trash Compactor Escape and the Toy Story Racecar Track. Spencer had to give up his Lego Pirates Book as well. They would have fun building the lego models but wouldn't let Emily in incase she ate the lego. Maybe she could play with it when she was 5.