The only girl

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Strong Bad gets an e-mail about why Marzipan is the only girl; Coach Z introduces his sister, Coach A.

Characters: Strong Bad, possible girl characters, Champeen, The Cheat, Coach Z, The Poopsmith, Coach A

Places: Computer Room, The Field

STRONG BAD: Check your e-mail, check your, check your e-mail, check your e-mail, E-M-A-I-L.


(The words “cleary” and “sincerley” are read as written. Strong Bad also reads WV as “Wolksvagen.”)

STRONG BAD (typing): And YOU cleary need to practice your spelling, Steven. (clears the screen) Anyway, Steven, there’s four questions that need to be answered before creating a second girl. (stops typing; anyway is typed as “anyways“) There will be some sub-questions in these, as well.

(Cut to an orange background with some possible ideas for a second girl. The ideas change each time.)

THE NARRATOR: Question 1: What will she look like? Question 1, Sub-question 1: Will she look at all human? Question 1, Sub-question 2: Will she look like someone already existing? Question 2: If she wears a burlap sack, will it say “Potatoes,” “Potate,” or simply have a picture of a potato on it? Question 3: What will her name be? Strong Glad? Silly Sally? The Queen of Town? Question 4: What will her voice be like? Question 4, Sub-question 1: Can Melissa even do a different voice?

(Cut to the field. Champeen is standing next to The Cheat.)

CHAMPEEN (in Marzipan’s voice): I’m not Marzipan!

THE CHEAT: (frightened The Cheat noises, runs away)

(Cut to the narrator, who is revealed to be Coach Z. He is holding a microphone and wearing a lighter-green suit.)

COACH Z: Curtainly someone else would have to do a different voice…for Coach A!

STRONG BAD: Coach A? Who are you talking about?

COACH Z: Coach A is my sister. She is voiced by someone whom I think is called...

(Cut to The Poopsmith, who is holding a sign reading "Alyssa."

COACH Z: …Alyssa. (He pronounces Alyssa as Alice-a.)

STRONG BAD: Er, Coach Z, I think you mean Alyssa. (Alyssa is pronounced correctly this time.)

(Coach A walks on-screen. She is wearing a shirt that is the same color as Coach Z’s suit and blue pants. She also has eyelashes and a visible mouth. She has brown flip hair instead of a cap. Her emblem has an A on it, too, of course.)

COACH A: Hi, Strong Bad!

STRONG BAD: Hello. You must be Coach A.

COACH A: Did Coach Z tell you about me?

STRONG BAD: Yes. And if you'll excuse me, I have a sbemail to finish.

(Cut back to the Compy)

STRONG BAD: I shall indeed. (starts typing) Well, Steven, if you weren’t watching this e-mail, you’ll be glad to know there’s finally another girl! She is called Coach A, and is voiced by some Alyssa whom I do not know at all! (he slows down when he says “do not know at all!”) I bet that there will be more Coaches, and more girls, soon. (stops typing, sends e-mail) Well, until next time, Steven, keep sending me your e-mails, and I will make fun of your spelling and punctuation. I mean, answer them.

(The Paper comes down.)

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