Ugly Fugly 101 'Ugly Pilot' Written by Brett Barnett

Ugly Pilot

_FUGLY STEPPED OUT OF THE ELEVATOR into the office of Kittyville Today, one of Kittyville’s most widely read magazines. Fugly was mostly excited but a little bit nervous. Or was he a little bit excited and mostly nervous? He couldn’t tell. Anyway… He was almost knocked to the floor by people rushing past with papers and mugs of coffee. He was amazed by how it all looked. It was nothing like he imagined. There was a huge window over most of the wall behind him and it was a great view of New York City. Right in front of Fugly, there was a reception desk. Next to it was a small kitchenette where employees could get a snack during the day. On the other side of the room were some offices where the important people worked. Right ahead of him was a meeting table and some cubicles, in which people were typing away, trying to put the next issue of the magazine together. Fugly was amazed by the whole scene and almost found it too much to take in. He was just stood there in awe, admiring what reporters did best. “Excuse me?” a voice called somewhere to his right, “Did you want something?” “Oh,” Fugly said, turning to see the receptionist. She was white and grey and had very long fur, which she was brushing. “ I’m here about a job.” “Okay,” the receptionist said, putting down the brush, “You’ll have to fill in this form.” She handed Fugly a form, “Thank you,” he said, wondering off and looking for a place to sit. Down a corridor on the opposite wall as the reception desk, he could see couched and seats and people waiting for god only knows what. He started walking down there. He sat on a couch and had it all to himself. He glanced down at the form. Doesn’t look too difficult, he thought to himself.

_SUZI STEPPED OUT OF THE ELEVATOR and ran over to the reception desk. “Flossy, guess what!” she cried, grabbing an apple from the fruit basket in the kitchen as she ran behind the desk to join Flossy, the receptionist. “Okay, now, what could my first guess be?” she thought to herself then picked up her brush, “How about ‘you used my brush again’!” “No I didn’t,” Suzi said, not sounding so sure. “Oh yeah? Since when is my fur black and orange?” “And white… I have white fur too!” “Yeah, not enough, maybe I could pluck out all your other hairs until you only have white fur!” “Okay, okay, calm down. Anyway, guess what!” “What?” “I just got a free pen!” “What?” Suzi held up a magazine, “Look!” There was a pen attached to the cover and at the top of the page were the words: ‘Free Pen’. “Suzi… That’s our magazine.” “I’m gonna go try it out,” Suzi said, walking over to her office and almost jumping inside. “Suzi’s got a new pen, hasn’t she?” Nathan asked, as he walked out of his office and over to Flossy. “Yeah. I’ll order the low sugar coke,” Flossy said, picking up the phone. “I’ve got to go to a meeting, I should be back in about an hour,” Nathan said, stepping into the elevator. “Yeah, okay!” Flossy called to him. She watched as the white and orange, shorthair cat walked back over to her desk again. “Did you fill out the form?” she asked. “Yes,” Fugly said. “Well,” Flossy started, “You need to give it to the boss, but he just left for a meeting. “What? Oh, well, when will he be back?” Fugly asked. “About an hour,” Flossy said. A small cat with black, orange and white fur, not unlike Suzi’s, just with more white, ran up to the reception desk and shoved one of the forms under Flossy’s nose. “I’m sorry, the boss just left, you’ll both have to wait an hour until he gets back, alright?” Fugly and the other cat both moaned and slowly made their way back to the waiting room. The phone rang. “Hello, Kittyville Today,” Flossy said as she answered the call. She put the phone down, pushed a few buttons and spoke into the phone, “Hey, Suzi, someone’s calling. He sounded pretty weird, like he had a sore throat or something… Anyway, line one,” Flossy pushed more buttons and the line went dead. “Hello,” Suzi said, picking up the phone. “Hey, you,” said the voice on the other end. “Oh, hi,” Suzi said, giggling. “What are you doing tonight?” “Why?” “I wanna see you.” “Will you be able to get out without her noticing?” “It’s okay; I’ll just tell her I’m doing laundry.” “Okay then, pick me up at eight,” Suzi agreed. “Great,” said the voice, “I’ll see you then.”

_POSSUM STEPPED OUT OF THE ELEVATOR and walked over to the reception desk. “Would you please just stop leaving fruit on my doorstep?” she moaned. “What?” Flossy asked. “You mean it wasn’t you?” “No,” Flossy said, confused. “Then who the hell’s been leaving fruit on my doorstep?” Possum walked off just as Suzi walked out of her office. “Suzi,” Possum said, “Know anything about any fruit?” “Not at all,” said Suzi, Possum stormed towards her cubicle. “That fruit trick is driving her crazy,” said Suzi. “She’ll kill you if you don’t stop it,” Flossy said. “I’ve got to go anyway, I’m meeting a new fashion designer to get the first ever interview.” “Okay, I’ll see you later,” Flossy said. Just as Suzi started walking off, Flossy let out a confused and weak “Oh my god.” “What?” Suzi asked, walking back to the desk. Flossy was holding a sheet of paper. She looked around and lowered her voice, “That designer Nathan met with yesterday, they’re not going to advertise with us due to ‘Nathan’s… unusual criminal record.” “What criminal record, Nathan has never been in trouble,” Suzi said. “As far as we know.” Suzi looked at Flossy for a moment, think things over. “I really have to go,” she finally said. “Suzi, do you have your laptop?” Flossy asked. “It’s in my office,” Suzi said. “Do you mind if I use it?” “Not at all, go ahead,” Suzi said, stepping into the elevator. As the doors closed, Flossy headed over to Suzi’s office to do a little snooping.

_GIGGLES STEPPED OUT OF THE ELEVATOR, ran right through the seating area and into his studio. It was cluttered with cameras and other photographic equipment. For two years now, he had been this magazines top photographer and got all the best assignments just for being the best and right now he’d forgot to develop the cover shots for the issue that goes on sale in two days time. Oh this is terrible, he thought to himself, this is the end of my career. He grabbed the film and dived into the dark room. A half-hour later, he stepped out with the photos fully developed and ready to use. He grabbed an envelope and placed them inside. He felt relieved and walked out of the studio feeling proud. Unfortunately for him, he’s left the studio pretty messy in his rush and on his way out, he tripped over a wire and the photographs flew out of his hands. They landed on a seat, right next to Fugly. The little cat in the seat next to Fugly dropped her milk and it fell slowly towards the photographs. It seemed as though it was all moving in slow motion for Giggles. He screamed as the milk got closer and closer and he knew there was nothing he could do. But at the last minute, a paw swooped in and grabbed the photographs. “Oh my god, thank you so much,” Giggles said, taking the photographs from Fugly’s paws. “Is there anything I can do to repay you?” Giggles asked. “Yeah, you can help me get a job,” Fugly suggested. “You’ll have to see the boss about that,” Giggles said. “I know, but he’s out and won’t be back for… fifteen minutes now. I’ve been waiting her for forty-five minute already!” “Me too!” the little cat butted in. “Okay,” Giggles said, still clutching the photographs, “Follow me.” Fugly followed giggles and the little cat followed them. Giggles picked up the phone and dialled a number, “Hello, Nathan. I need to ask you something. Yeah. Yeah. Aha. Well, alright. Yeah, Okay then.” He hung up, “You’ve got the job.” “Great!” Fugly yelled. “Hey!” said the little kitten, “I want a job, too!” “Aren’t you a little young?” Giggles asked. “No,” she said. “What’s your name?” “Vincent.” “And what job do you want?” “I wanna be an assistant!” “Oh, what the hell, you’re an assistant,” Giggles said, dreamily walking back towards his studio. “I’M AN ASSISSTANT!” Vincent screamed, doing some sort of celebration dance.

_VINCENT STEPPED OUT OF THE ELEVATOR and ran out of the building, still celebrating. Fugly left, also, knowing he had a job to go to in the morning. About an hour later, everyone else was starting to leave and go home and home was one place Flossy loved being. She got home and cot nice and cosy on the couch, where she started watching TV with some cookies and a nice mug of hot chocolate. Oh, this is the life, she thought to herself. Her brother, Peter walked in and sat on the couch beside her. “What are you watching?” he asked. “Oh, just some comedy about some ugly girl at some magazine,” Flossy said. “Oh, well, I’ve got to go,” he said. “Why, where are you going and why aren’t I coming?” Flossy asked. “I’m… I’m just going to meet some of the guys and play poker. I’ve got to get there by eight.” “Okay, well don’t be back too late,” Flossy said. “I won’t,” said Peter and he left.

_FLOSSY STEPPED OUT OF THE ELEVATOR the next morning and walked over to her desk. Suzi walked out of the elevator and walked over to her office. “Suzi!” Flossy called. Suzi walked over, “Oh, hey!” “So I found Nathan’s criminal record,” Flossy said in no more than a gentle whisper. “What did it say?” Suzi asked, getting in the mood for a little gossip, even if it was about the boss. “Well… Would you believe me if I told you that our boss was a killer?”

Next Time...

Flossy has a secret to uncover... Finding Flossy

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