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Cast

  • Jerome "Doc" Crystal as Barney
  • Sprocket as Twinken (from Barney's Great Adventure)
  • Exterminator as BJ
  • Gobo Fraggle as Michael
  • Red Fraggle as Min
  • Wembley Fraggle as Shawn
  • Mokey Fraggle as Kathy
  • Boober Fraggle as Jason (from TV Series)
  • Various Fraggles as Barney's Kids
  • Three Dozers as Riff, Juan, and Kenneth
  • Driver as Riff
  • Workers as themselves

Transcript

Barney: Well, my friend is always barking down that hole. So I figured there's gotta be something in there.

BJ: Rats, snakes. Could be any number of reasons to overbill you, but not to worry, I've got something that'll take care of the problem. (Throws something that looks like a flashlight or lantern down the hole)

Barney: Uh, will that kill them all?

BJ: No, it's so I'll know where to throw this! (Throws a grenade down the hole, then ducks and covers Barney and BJ)

All: (Singing) Happy, happy day, Kiddies say it's a happy day, Happy, happy day, Nothing can go wrong...(The grenade falls down into the house and explodes, causing the place to start collapsing)

Michael: Holy crap! We gotta get outta here! RUN!!! (The place continues to collapse, and the cast runs for it until a few boulders block the way of some of the characters, and Michael pops out of a hole, and comes out before a boulder blocks the hole)

Michael: Oh, that's bad!

Later...

Min: (Michael, Min, Shawn, Kathy, Jason, and three characters have survived) What are we going to do? We have no home.

Michael: Hey, hey! Riff's been sending me postcards from the outer world for years. (Shows three postcards with women's butts on the printing) With their guidance, I'll find us a new schoolhouse.

Shawn: WAIT! STOP!!

Michael: What's wrong, Shawn?

Shawn: I see a terrible thing coming! Fire and death! There's blood everywhere! Something very bad is coming!

Michael: You know, you gotta work on the "pre" part of premonition, douche bag. (Kicks Shawn in the crotch) In your balls!

Kathy: (Kicks Shawn crotch) Take that!

Min: (Kicks Shawn crotch) Yeah, kick the balls!

Jason: (Kicks Shawn crotch) There you go!

Shawn: I now have a vagina.

Highway Road

Min: (A car zooms by) What was that?

Michael: (Looks at a postcard) Riff says they're called, "Beep-Beep-Outta-the-Way-Kiddy"! But they're harmless. (The characters try crossing the street)

Riff: (Beep beep) Outta the way, kiddies!

(The characters continue crossing the road; all the vehicles try to dodge them)

Riff: Outta the way, kiddy!

(Two of the vehicles crash, setting Derek on fire, and he screams as he burns to death)

Shawn: D-d-d-d-...death!

Michael: (Slaps Shawn) You should've warned us! I'm sure our troubles are all in the past.

At a Stream

(The characters are being chased across the water by Twinken)

Michael: Hurry, it's right behind us!

Shawn: Go, go, go, go, go! (Danny gets caught by Twinken, and Twinken shakes him around, hurting him, then leaves)

Danny: Hey guys.,. Please kill me... kill me, please-- (The characters beat him to death) Ow! WAIT, WAIT! STOP! OW! I'VE CHANGED MY MIND!

Michael: Hang in there! We're almost done! (The characters continue beating him)

A Farm

Jason: (The characters are tired and hungry) I can't go on! Just leave me!

Kathy: We need food Michael, we're starving.

Carlos: I smell radishes! (Tom Tucker leaves and a strange noise is heard; the others go behind the barn and find him being killed in a trap to next to a radish patch)

Michael: He was right, look at all the radishes!

All: HOORAY!

Michael: Eat up! There's plenty! (The characters begin eating radishes as Stewie shoves a radish into the dying Carlos's mouth to feed him as he rolls over dead)

New Home

Michael: (The remaining characters cheer) This is it, gang! This is our new home. And now to start repopulating.

Shawn: Wait! I'm getting another vision! I see... I see... THAT I'M GONNA GET MY FREAK ON!!! (Chuckles until a tremor is heard)

Kathy: What is that? (An oil drill appears behind them, and all 5 characters spew out of an oil in the house)

Michael: OH, NO! (The characters fall to the ground dead)

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