- Jerome "Doc" Crystal as Barney
- Sprocket as Twinken (from Barney's Great Adventure)
- Exterminator as BJ
- Gobo Fraggle as Michael
- Red Fraggle as Min
- Wembley Fraggle as Shawn
- Mokey Fraggle as Kathy
- Boober Fraggle as Jason (from TV Series)
- Various Fraggles as Barney's Kids
- Three Dozers as Riff, Juan, and Kenneth
- Driver as Riff
- Workers as themselves
Barney: Well, my friend is always barking down that hole. So I figured there's gotta be something in there.
BJ: Rats, snakes. Could be any number of reasons to overbill you, but not to worry, I've got something that'll take care of the problem. (Throws something that looks like a flashlight or lantern down the hole)
Barney: Uh, will that kill them all?
BJ: No, it's so I'll know where to throw this! (Throws a grenade down the hole, then ducks and covers Barney and BJ)
All: (Singing) Happy, happy day, Kiddies say it's a happy day, Happy, happy day, Nothing can go wrong...(The grenade falls down into the house and explodes, causing the place to start collapsing)
Michael: Holy crap! We gotta get outta here! RUN!!! (The place continues to collapse, and the cast runs for it until a few boulders block the way of some of the characters, and Michael pops out of a hole, and comes out before a boulder blocks the hole)
Michael: Oh, that's bad!
Min: (Michael, Min, Shawn, Kathy, Jason, and three characters have survived) What are we going to do? We have no home.
Michael: Hey, hey! Riff's been sending me postcards from the outer world for years. (Shows three postcards with women's butts on the printing) With their guidance, I'll find us a new schoolhouse.
Shawn: WAIT! STOP!!
Michael: What's wrong, Shawn?
Shawn: I see a terrible thing coming! Fire and death! There's blood everywhere! Something very bad is coming!
Michael: You know, you gotta work on the "pre" part of premonition, douche bag. (Kicks Shawn in the crotch) In your balls!
Kathy: (Kicks Shawn crotch) Take that!
Min: (Kicks Shawn crotch) Yeah, kick the balls!
Jason: (Kicks Shawn crotch) There you go!
Shawn: I now have a vagina.
Min: (A car zooms by) What was that?
Michael: (Looks at a postcard) Riff says they're called, "Beep-Beep-Outta-the-Way-Kiddy"! But they're harmless. (The characters try crossing the street)
Riff: (Beep beep) Outta the way, kiddies!
(The characters continue crossing the road; all the vehicles try to dodge them)
Riff: Outta the way, kiddy!
(Two of the vehicles crash, setting Derek on fire, and he screams as he burns to death)
Michael: (Slaps Shawn) You should've warned us! I'm sure our troubles are all in the past.
At a Stream
(The characters are being chased across the water by Twinken)
Michael: Hurry, it's right behind us!
Shawn: Go, go, go, go, go! (Danny gets caught by Twinken, and Twinken shakes him around, hurting him, then leaves)
Danny: Hey guys.,. Please kill me... kill me, please-- (The characters beat him to death) Ow! WAIT, WAIT! STOP! OW! I'VE CHANGED MY MIND!
Michael: Hang in there! We're almost done! (The characters continue beating him)
Jason: (The characters are tired and hungry) I can't go on! Just leave me!
Kathy: We need food Michael, we're starving.
Carlos: I smell radishes! (Tom Tucker leaves and a strange noise is heard; the others go behind the barn and find him being killed in a trap to next to a radish patch)
Michael: He was right, look at all the radishes!
Michael: Eat up! There's plenty! (The characters begin eating radishes as Stewie shoves a radish into the dying Carlos's mouth to feed him as he rolls over dead)
Michael: (The remaining characters cheer) This is it, gang! This is our new home. And now to start repopulating.
Shawn: Wait! I'm getting another vision! I see... I see... THAT I'M GONNA GET MY FREAK ON!!! (Chuckles until a tremor is heard)
Kathy: What is that? (An oil drill appears behind them, and all 5 characters spew out of an oil in the house)
Michael: OH, NO! (The characters fall to the ground dead)