Parody Cast Members

  • Jerome "Doc" Crystal as Garfield
  • Sprocket as Odie
  • Exterminator as Jon Arbuckle
  • Gobo Fraggle as Orson
  • Red Fraggle as Lenore
  • Wembley Fraggle as Bo
  • Mokey Fraggle as Lanolin
  • Boober Fraggle as Roy
  • Various Fraggles as Worms
  • Three Dozers as Gort, Wart, and Mort
  • Driver as Nermal
  • Workers as themselves


[To begin the sketch, Jon is using a long stick to feel inside the large mouse hole at Garfield's workshop.]

Garfield: Well, my dog is always barking down that hole, so I figured there's got to be something in there.

Jon Arbuckle: Rats, snakes. Could be any number of reasons to overbill you, but... not to worry. I've got something that should take care of the problem. (throws what looks like a lantern into the hole)

Garfield: Uh, will that kill them all?

Jon Arbuckle: Nah, so I'll know where to throw this!

[He throws a grenade into the hole, ducks, and throws himself on top of Odie to cover both of them up from an explosion. Meanwhile, in U.S. Acres' Rock, the U.S. Acres characters (along with the Gort, Wart, and Mort) are happily singing.]

U.S. Acres Characters: Happy, happy day! Orson says it's a happy day. Happy, happy day! Nothing could go wrong...

[Suddenly, the grenade falls down into U.S. Acres' Rock and explodes, causing the place to start collapsing and throwing the U.S. Acres characters off of their feet.]

Worms: Help me! FIRE! Oh, my God, my feet!

Orson: Holy mackerel! We've gotta get out of here! Run!

[The place continues to collapse, and the panicking characters run for it until two boulders block the way of some of the characters.]

Worms: Oh, look out! Hurry! Hurry!

[Orson pops out of a hole and comes out before one more boulder blocks it.]

Orson: (in fear) Oh, that's bad!

[The screen flips to Orson, Bo, Lenore, Lanolin, and Roy, who are next to an open road and still alive.]

Lanolin: What are we going to do? We have no home!

Orson: (trying to calm down everyone) Hey, hey! Plato's been sending me postcards from the outer world for years. (shows three postcards, two of which are from Aspen and Ft. Launderdale with three eggs on them and the last from Philadelphia with three men's legs) With their guidance, I'll find us a new Orson Rock!

Bo: (hysterical) Wait! Stoooop!

Orson: What's wrong, Bo?

Bo: I see a terrible thing coming - fire and death! There's blood everywhere; something very bad is coming!

Orson: You know, you need to work on the "pre" part of premonition, animal. (kicks Bo in the crotch) In your balls!

Booker: (also kicks Bo's crotch) Take that!

Lenore: (kicks him as he groans in pain) Yeah, kick those balls!

Roy: (also kicks him) There you go!

Bo: I now have a vagina.

[The U.S. Acres characters walk up to the highway, where an orange van zooms by, confusing Lenore.]

Lenore: What was that?

Orson: (looks at a traffic jam postcard from Detroit) Plato says they're called: "Beep-Beep-Out-Of-the-Way-Animals"! But they're harmless.

[The U.S. Acres characters start crossing the street, but a cream-colored car zooms by them.]

Nermal: (honks horn) Out of the way, animals!

[The U.S. Acres characters continue crossing the road; various vehicles, including a school bus, two red cars, a blue one, and a black limo, swerve to dodge them.]

Other Drivers: Out of the way, animals!

[By the time the U.S. Acres characters have made it halfway through, the vehicles start to flip over, so they shield themselves for protection; when Wade remains, two of the vehicles (the limo and one of the red cars) crash, setting him on fire, and he screams loudly and runs in circles as he burns to death. The U.S. Acres characters only watch in shock as this occurs.]

Bo: (stammers) D-d-d-d-...death!

Orson: (punches Bo to knock him down) You should have warned us! I'm sure our troubles are all in the past.

[The next flip shows a stream, where the U.S. Acres characters are being chased across the water by Odie (Garfield's pet dog).]

Orson: Hurry - he's right behind us!

Bo: Go, go, go, go, go!

[Sheldon gets caught by Odie, who rapidly shakes him back and forth, hutrs him, spits him out, barks, and leaves.]

Sheldon: (gasping for air) Hey, guys, help... please, kill me...kill me, please- (other U.S Acres characters beat him to death with sticks, making him yell in pain) Wait, wait! Stop! I've changed my mind!

Orson: Hang in there; we're almost done!

[The next scene flip is of a farm, where the now hungry and tired U.S. Acres characters crawl to the barn door.]

Roy: I can't go on! Just leave me!

Lanolin: We need food, Orson. We're starving!

Booker: (with a lisp) I smell radishes!

[He runs off-screen; then a neck-strangling noise is heard, so the other U.S. Acres characters go behind the barn and find him struggling to free himself from a rope trap next to a radish patch.]

Orson: He was right. Look at all the radishes!

U.S. Acres characters: Hooray!

Orson: Eat up; there's plenty!

[The U.S. Acres characters start eating the radishes as Orson shoves one into the dying Booker's mouth to feed him; then he rolls over, dead, and the screen flips to the underground of the characters' new home.]

Roy: We've made it!

Orson: (as the remaining characters cheer) This is it, gang - our new home! And now, let's start repopulating.

Bo: (suddenly scared again) Wait - I'm getting another vision! (as we zoom up to his eyes) I see... I see... (jumps up onto a rock) that I'm gonna get my freak on!

[He chuckles and dances until a tremor is heard, frightening the U.S. Acres characters.]

Lanolin: (hugging Lenore) What is that?!

[An oil drill appears behind them and they are all spewed out of an oil tower as two workers watch.]

Orson: (as the U.S. Acres characters scream) Oh, no!

[The now dead U.S. Acres characters fall to the ground, ending the episode.]

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