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Parody Cast Members

  • Jerome "Doc" Crystal as Mario
  • Sprocket as Yoshi
  • Exterminator as Luigi
  • Gobo Fraggle as Larry Koopa
  • Red Fraggle as Princess Peach
  • Wembley Fraggle as Bowser
  • Mokey Fraggle as Princess Daisy
  • Boober Fraggle as Bowser Jr.
  • Various Fraggles as Goombas and Koopas
  • Three Dozers as Donkey Kong, Diddy Kong, and Wario
  • Driver as Waluigi
  • Workers as themselves

Transcript

[To begin the sketch, Luigi is using a long stick to feel inside the large mouse hole at Mario's workshop.]

Mario: Well, my dinosaur is always speaking down that hole, so I figured there's got to be something in there.

Luigi: Rats, snakes. Could be any number of reasons to overbill you, but... not to worry. I've got something that should take care of the problem. (throws what looks like a lantern into the hole)

Mario: Uh, will that kill them all?

Luigi: Nah, so I'll know where to throw this!

[He throws a grenade into the hole, ducks, and throws himself on top of Yoshi to cover both of them up from an explosion. Meanwhile, in U.S. Acres' Rock, the Mario characters (along with the Donkey Kong, Diddy Kong, and Wario) are happily singing.]

Mario Characters: Happy, happy day! Plumbers says it's a happy day. Happy, happy day! Nothing could go wrong...

[Suddenly, the grenade falls down into Plumber Rock and explodes, causing the place to start collapsing and throwing the Mario characters off of their feet.]

Goombas and Koopas: Help me! FIRE! Oh, my God, my feet!

Larry Koopa: Holy mackerel! We've gotta get out of here! Run!

[The place continues to collapse, and the panicking characters run for it until two boulders block the way of some of the characters.]

Goombas and Koopas: Oh, look out! Hurry! Hurry!

[Larry Koopa pops out of a hole and comes out before one more boulder blocks it.]

Larry Koopa: (in fear) Oh, that's bad!

[The screen flips to Larry Koopa, Bowser, Peach, Daisy, and Bowser Jr., who are next to an open road and still alive.]

Daisy: What are we going to do? We have no home!

Larry Koopa: (trying to calm down everyone) Hey, hey! Geno's been sending me postcards from the outer world for years. (shows three postcards, two of which are from Aspen and Ft. Lauderdale with three Toads on them and the last from Philadelphia with three girls' legs) With their guidance, I'll find us a new Plumber Rock!

Bowser: (hysterical) Wait! Stoooop!

Larry Koopa: What's wrong, Bowser?

Bowser: I see a terrible thing coming - fire and death! There's blood everywhere; something very bad is coming!

Larry Koopa: You know, you need to work on the "pre" part of premonition, Koopa. (kicks Bowser in the crotch) In your balls!

Smithy: (also kicks Bo's crotch) Take that!

Peach: (kicks him as he groans in pain) Yeah, kick those balls!

Bowser Jr.: (also kicks him) There you go!

Bowser: I now have a vagina.

[The Mario characters walk up to the highway, where an orange van zooms by, confusing Peach.]

Peach: What was that?

Larry Koopa: (looks at a traffic jam postcard from Detroit) Geno says they're called: "Beep-Beep-Out-Of-the-Way-Animals"! But they're harmless.

[The Mario characters start crossing the street, but a cream-colored car zooms by them.]

Waluigi: (honks horn) Out of the way, Koopas!

[The Mario characters continue crossing the road; various vehicles, including a school bus, two red cars, a blue one, and a black limo, swerve to dodge them.]

Other Drivers: Out of the way, Koopas!

[By the time the Mario characters have made it halfway through, the vehicles start to flip over, so they shield themselves for protection; when Wade remains, two of the vehicles (the limo and one of the red cars) crash, setting him on fire, and he screams loudly and runs in circles as he burns to death. The Mario characters only watch in shock as this occurs.]

Bowser: (stammers) D-d-d-d-...death!

Larry Koopa: (punches Bowser to knock him down) You should have warned us! I'm sure our troubles are all in the past.

[The next flip shows a stream, where Mario characters are being chased across the water by Yoshi (Mario's dinosaur sidekick).]

Larry Koopa: Hurry - he's right behind us!

Bowser Jr.: Go, go, go, go, go!

[Troff gets caught by Yoshi, who rapidly shakes him back and forth, hutrs him, spits him out, yelps, and leaves.]

Troff: (gasping for air) Hey, guys, help... please, kill me...kill me, please- (other Mario characters beat him to death with sticks, making him yell in pain) Wait, wait! Stop! I've changed my mind!

Larry Koopa: Hang in there; we're almost done!

[The next scene flip is of a farm, where the now hungry and tired Mario characters crawl to the barn door.]

Bowser Jr.: I can't go on! Just leave me!

Daisy: We need food, Larry Koopa. We're starving!

Scoff: (with a lisp) I smell radishes!

[He runs off-screen; then a neck-strangling noise is heard, so the other Mario characters go behind the barn and find him struggling to free himself from a rope trap next to a radish patch.]

Larry Koopa: He was right. Look at all the radishes!

Mario characters: Hooray!

Larry Koopa: Eat up; there's plenty!

[The Mario characters start eating the radishes as Larry Koopa shoves one into the dying Scoff's mouth to feed him; then he rolls over, dead, and the screen flips to the underground of the characters' new home.]

Roy: We've made it!

Larry Koopa: (as the remaining characters cheer) This is it, gang - our new home! And now, let's start repopulating.

Bowser: (suddenly scared again) Wait - I'm getting another vision! (as we zoom up to his eyes) I see... I see... (jumps up onto a rock) that I'm gonna get my freak on!

[He chuckles and dances until a tremor is heard, frightening the Mario characters.]

Mokey: (hugging Peach) What is that?!

[An oil drill appears behind them and they are all spewed out of an oil tower as two workers watch.]

Larry Koopa: (as the Mario characters scream) Oh, no!

[The now dead Mario characters fall to the ground, ending the episode.]

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