- Doc as Randy Marsh
- Sprocket as Sparky
- Exterminator as Mr. Garrison
- Gobo as Stan Marsh
- Red as Wendy Testaburger
- Wembley as Eric Cartman
- Mokey as Bebe Stevens
- Boober as Kyle Broflovski
- Various Fraggles as Various South Park Characters
- Three Dozers as Kenny McCormick, Butters Stotch, and Craig Tucker
- Driver as Chef
- Workers as themselves
[To begin the sketch, Mr. Garrison is using a long stick to feel inside the large mouse hole at Randy's workshop.]
Randy Marsh: Well, my dog is always barking down that hole, so I figured there's got to be something in there.
Mr. Garrison: Rats, snakes. Could be any number of reasons to overbill you, but... not to worry. I've got something that should take care of the problem. (throws what looks like a lantern into the hole)
Randy Marsh:' Uh, will that kill them all?
Mr. Garrison: Nah, so I'll know where to throw this!
[He throws a grenade into the hole, ducks, and throws himself on top of Sparky to cover both of them up from an explosion. Meanwhile, in South Park Rock, the South Park characters (along with Kenny McCormick, Butters Stotch, and Craig Tucker) are happily singing.]
South Park Characters: Happy, happy day! Stan Marsh says it's a happy day. Happy, happy day! Nothing could go wrong...
[Suddenly, the grenade falls down into South Park Rock and explodes, causing the place to start collapsing and throwing the South Park characters off of their feet.]
Various South Park Characters: Help me! FIRE! Oh, my God, my feet!
Stan Marsh: Holy fish! We've gotta get out of here! Run!
[The place continues to collapse, and the panicking characters run for it until two boulders block the way of some of the characters.]
Various South Park Characters: Oh, look out! Hurry! Hurry!
[Stan Marsh pops out of a hole and comes out before one more boulder blocks it.]
Stan Marsh: (in fear) Oh, that's bad!
[The screen flips to Stan Marsh, Eric Cartman, Wendy Testaburger, Bebe Stevens, and Kyle Broflovski, who are next to an open road and still alive.]
Wendy Testaburger: What are we going to do? We have no home!
Stan Marsh: (trying to calm down everyone) Hey, hey! Jimbo Kern's been sending me postcards from the outer world for years. (shows three postcards, two of which are from Aspen and Ft. Lauderdale with three kids on them and the last from Philadelphia with three adults) With their guidance, I'll find us a new South Park Rock!
Eric Cartman: (hysterical) Wait! Stoooop!
Stan Marsh: What's wrong, Eric?
Eric Cartman: I see a terrible thing coming - fire and death! There's blood everywhere; something very bad is coming!
Stan Marsh: You know, you need to work on the "pre" part of premonition, bumblebee. (kicks Eric in the crotch) In your balls!
Phillip: (also kicks Stan's crotch) Take that!
Wendy Testaburger: (kicks him as he groans in pain) Yeah, kick those balls!
Kyle Broflovski: (also kicks him) There you go!
Eric Cartman: I now have a vagina.
[The South Park characters walk up to the highway, where an orange van zooms by, confusing Wendy Testaburger.]
Wendy Testaburger: What was that?
Stan Marsh: (looks at a traffic jam postcard from Detroit) Jimbo Kern says they're called: "Beep-Beep-Out-Of-the-Way-Animals"! But they're harmless.
[The South Park characters start crossing the street, but a cream-colored car zooms by them.]
Chef: (honks horn) Out of the way, animals!
[The South Park characters continue crossing the road; various vehicles, including a school bus, two red cars, a blue one, and a black limo, swerve to dodge them.]
Other Drivers: Out of the way, animals!
[By the time the South Park characters have made it halfway through, the vehicles start to flip over, so they shield themselves for protection; when Wade remains, two of the vehicles (the limo and one of the red cars) crash, setting him on fire, and he screams loudly and runs in circles as he burns to death. The South Park characters only watch in shock as this occurs.]
Eric Cartman: (stammers) D-d-d-d-...death!
Stan Marsh: (punches Eric to knock him down) You should have warned us! I'm sure our troubles are all in the past.
[The next flip shows a stream, where the South Park characters are being chased across the water by Sparky (Stan's pet dog).]
Stan Marsh: Hurry - he's right behind us!
Eric Cartman: Go, go, go, go, go!
[Terrance gets caught by Sparky, who rapidly shakes him back and forth, hurts him, spits him out, barks, and leaves.]
Terrance: (gasping for air) Hey, guys, help... please, kill me...kill me, please- (other South Park characters beat him to death with sticks, making him yell in pain) Wait, wait! Stop! I've changed my mind!
Stan Marsh: Hang in there; we're almost done!
[The next scene flip is of a farm, where the now hungry and tired South Park characters crawl to the barn door.]
Kyle Broflovski: I can't go on! Just leave me!
Bebe Stevens: We need food, Stan. We're starving!
Scott Tenorman: (with a lisp) I smell radishes!
[He runs off-screen; then a neck-strangling noise is heard, so the other South Park characters go behind the barn and find him struggling to free himself from a rope trap next to a radish patch.]
Stan Marsh: He was right. Look at all the radishes!
Sout Park characters: Hooray!
Stan Marsh: Eat up; there's plenty!
[The South Park characters start eating the radishes as Stan Marsh shoves one into the dying Scott's mouth to feed him; then he rolls over, dead, and the screen flips to the underground of the characters' new home.]
Kyle Broflovski: We've made it!
Stan Marsh: (as the remaining characters cheer) This is it, gang - our new home! And now, let's start repopulating.
Kyle Broflovski: (suddenly scared again) Wait - I'm getting another vision! (as we zoom up to his eyes) I see... I see... (jumps up onto a rock) that I'm gonna get my thing on!
[He chuckles and dances until a tremor is heard, frightening the South Park characters.]
Bebe Stevens: (hugging Wendy Testaburger) What is that?!
[An oil drill appears behind them and they are all spewed out of an oil tower as two workers watch.]
Stan Marsh: (as the South Park characters scream) Oh, no!
[The now dead South Park characters fall to the ground, ending the episode.]