- Doc as Homer Simpson
- Sprocket as Poochie
- Exterminator as Ned Flanders
- Gobo as Bart Simpson
- Red as Lisa Simpson
- Wembley as Moe Syzlak
- Mokey as Maggie Simpson
- Boober as Barney Gumble
- Various Fraggles as Mr. Burns' Dogs
- Three Dozers as Grandpa Abe Simpson, Chief Clancy Wiggum, and Dr. Julius Hibbert
- Driver as Sideshow Bob
- Workers as themselves
[To begin the sketch, Ned is using a long stick to feel inside the large mouse hole at Homer's workshop.]
Homer: Well, my dog is always barking down that hole, so I figured there's got to be something in there.
Ned Flanders: Rats, snakes. Could be any number of reasons to overbill you, but... not to worry. I've got something that should take care of the problem. (throws what looks like a lantern into the hole)
Homer: Uh, will that kill them all?
Ned Flanders: Nah, so I'll know where to throw this!
[He throws a grenade into the hole, ducks, and throws himself on top of Poochie to cover both of them up from an explosion. Meanwhile, in Simpson Rock, the other characters (along with Grandpa Abe Simpson, Chief Clancy Wiggum, and Dr. Julius Hibbert) are happily singing.]
Other Characters: Happy, happy day! Simpson says it's a happy day. Happy, happy day! Nothing could go wrong...
[Suddenly, the grenade falls down into Simpson Rock and explodes, causing the place to start collapsing and throwing the other characters off of their feet.]
Other Characters: Help me! FIRE! Oh, my God, my feet!
Bart: Holy fish! We've gotta get out of here! Run!
[The place continues to collapse, and the panicking characters run for it until two boulders block the way of some of the characters.]
Other Characters: Oh, look out! Hurry! Hurry!
[Bart pops out of a hole and comes out before one more boulder blocks it.]
Bart: (in fear) Oh, that's bad!
[The screen flips to Bart, Lisa, Moe Syzlak, Maggie, and Barney Gumble, who are next to an open road and still alive.]
Lisa: What are we going to do? We have no home!
Bart: (trying to calm down everyone) Hey, hey! Ralph Wiggum's been sending me postcards from the outer world for years. (shows three postcards, two of which are from Aspen and Ft. Lauderdale with three kids on them and the last from Philadelphia with three adults) With their guidance, I'll find us a new Simpson Rock!
Moe Syzlak: (hysterical) Wait! Stoooop!
Bart: What's wrong, Moe?
Moe Syzlak: I see a terrible thing coming - fire and death! There's blood everywhere; something very bad is coming!
Bart: You know, you need to work on the "pre" part of premonition, bumblebee. (kicks Moe Syzlak in the crotch) In your balls!
Lenny: (also kicks Bart's crotch) Take that!
Lisa: (kicks him as he groans in pain) Yeah, kick those balls!
Barney Gumble: (also kicks him) There you go!
Moe Syzlak: I now have a vagina.
[The other characters walk up to the highway, where an orange van zooms by, confusing Lisa Simpson.]
Lisa: What was that?
Bart: (looks at a traffic jam postcard from Detroit) Ralph Wiggum says they're called: "Beep-Beep-Out-Of-the-Way-Animals"! But they're harmless.
[The other characters start crossing the street, but a cream-colored car zooms by them.]
Sideshow Bob: (honks horn) Out of the way, animals!
[The other characters continue crossing the road; various vehicles, including a school bus, two red cars, a blue one, and a black limo, swerve to dodge them.]
Other Drivers: Out of the way, animals!
[By the time the other characters have made it halfway through, the vehicles start to flip over, so they shield themselves for protection; when Wade remains, two of the vehicles (the limo and one of the red cars) crash, setting him on fire, and he screams loudly and runs in circles as he burns to death. The other characters only watch in shock as this occurs.]
Moe Syzlak: (stammers) D-d-d-d-...death!
Bart: (punches Moe Syzlak to knock him down) You should have warned us! I'm sure our troubles are all in the past.
[The next flip shows a stream, where the other characters are being chased across the water by Sparky (Stan's pet dog).]
Bart: Hurry - he's right behind us!
Moe Syzlak: Go, go, go, go, go!
[Carl gets caught by Poochie, who rapidly shakes him back and forth, hurts him, spits him out, barks, and leaves.]
Carl: (gasping for air) Hey, guys, help... please, kill me...kill me, please- (other characters beat him to death with sticks, making him yell in pain) Wait, wait! Stop! I've changed my mind!
Bart: Hang in there; we're almost done!
[The next scene flip is of a farm, where the now hungry and other tired characters crawl to the barn door.]
Barney Gumble: I can't go on! Just leave me!
Maggie: We need food, Bart. We're starving!
Nelson Muntz: (with a lisp) I smell radishes!
[He runs off-screen; then a neck-strangling noise is heard, so the other characters go behind the barn and find him struggling to free himself from a rope trap next to a radish patch.]
Bart: He was right. Look at all the radishes!
Other characters: Hooray!
Bart: Eat up; there's plenty!
[The other characters start eating the radishes as Bart Simpson shoves one into the dying Nelson Muntz's mouth to feed him; then he rolls over, dead, and the screen flips to the underground of the characters' new home.]
Kyle Broflovski: We've made it!
Bart: (as the remaining characters cheer) This is it, gang - our new home! And now, let's start repopulating.
Moe Syzlak: (suddenly scared again) Wait - I'm getting another vision! (as we zoom up to his eyes) I see... I see... (jumps up onto a rock) that I'm gonna get my thing on!
[He chuckles and dances until a tremor is heard, frightening the other characters.]
Maggie: (hugging Lisa Simpson) What is that?!
[An oil drill appears behind them and they are all spewed out of an oil tower as two workers watch.]
Bart: (as the other characters scream) Oh, no!
[The now dead characters fall to the ground, ending the episode.]