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Who's Killing the Muppets?/Barney is a parody with Eric Cartman watches Who's Killing the Muppets? (Robot Chicken) sounds and Barney and Friends clips.
- Gonzo as Michael
- Fozzie Bear as BJ
- Kermit the Frog as Barney
- Miss Piggy as Baby Bop
- Scooter as Riff
- Hooded Killer as Stella the Storyteller
- Dr. Bunsen Honeydew as Derek
- Beaker as Jason
- Rowlf the Dog as Carlos
- Dr. Teeth as Kenneth
- Lew Zealand as Jeff
- Swedish Chef as Shawn
- Animal as Tosha
- Steve Martin as Min
- Camilla the Chicken as Kathy
- Statler as Robert
- Waldorf as Mr. Boyd
- Penguins as Luci and Tina
- Skeeter as Riff (different)
[Cartman watches TV and munches on Cheesy Poofs]
Announcer: This program is brought to you by Snacky S'mores, the creamy fun of s'mores in a delightful cookie crunch, now stay tuned with who's killing the muppets!Barney is now on PBS kids. [the doorbell rings]
Cartman: Mom, somebody's at the door and who"s killing the muppets barney is on!
Liane: Coming, hon. [passes by in front of him]
Cartman: Ey! I can't see the TV!
Tom Pusslicker: It's been six weeks since muppets was killed by barney of wild boars, and the world is still glad to be rid of him, please stay tuned "who"s killing the muppets!barney.
Liane: Oh, look, Eric. It's your little friends. [the boys enter]
Cartman: What are you guys doing here?! [they show him the movie ad] Oh. Sweet, dude! Yes! Yes!
[All five boys now head for the theater]
The boys: [regal, quickening] Off to the movies we shall go, where we learn everything that we know, 'Cause the movies teach us what our parents don't have time to say! And this movie's gonna make our lives complete, [slowing] 'Cause Terrance and Phillip are sweet.
Cartman: Super sweet!
The boys: Thank God we live in a quiet little redneck podunk white-trash
The boys: U... S... Aaaaa!
Michael: For my next feat, I will walk across hot coals while explaining what the hell I am.
Stella the Storyteller: No! For your next feat, you die!
(The Stella the Storyteller fires a cannon, decapitating Michael, and Michael's corpse falls on the hot coals.)
(At Michael's funeral and burial ceremony)
Barney: Michael died as he lived, and our family will never be whole again. And now, ladies and gentlemen, Min the Magnificent! Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!!
Min: The lord is my Sheppard, I shall not want. He makes me like..
Baby Bop (interrupting): Oh, are we burying him in the city?
(Kathy talks and jumps on the casket.)
BJ: You know, the last time a Muppet died was--
Min (interrupting): Excuse me?
BJ: Don’t you mean, "Excuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuse me"?
Min: No, this is a funeral. I’m working. Do I come to where you work and knock the outta your mouth?!
Barney: Wow, Min’s working blue, but she’s right. We vowed never to talk about... that night.
(The friends turn to look at Riff)
BJ: And then the dad says, "The Aristocrats!" Wocka-wocka!
Stella the Storyteller: Hey, BJ. Why did the dinosar turn red?
BJ: I don’t know, stranger.
Stella the Storyteller: Because he was embarrassed!
BJ: (Sarcasticly claps) Wocka-wocka.
Stella the Storyteller: Then how about this?! Because I stab you!
(Stella stabs BJ in Neck and Then Back)
BJ: What a show stopper.
(Falls on stage)
Robert: See? I told you the bear was gonna die on stage tonight.
(Robert and Mr. Boyd laugh)
BJ: Hey guys, can you stop laughing and call me an ambulance?
Mr. Boyd: You're an ambulance!
(Statler and Waldorf laugh again)
(BJ is dragged offscreen and murdered.)
(Red wagon is rolled out on stage.)
Barney: First Michael, now BJ. Could we be paying the price for what we did to...
Baby Bop: Don’t say that name, Barney.
Barney: Oh, Baby Bop's telling me what to do. Wow, hey, everybody! Come here! You gotta come see this. Baby Bop’s telling me what to do! Wow, must be a day that ends in Y!
(Riff carries a box of props.)
Barney: Oh hey, uh, Riff?
Riff: Oh! Hey there, boss.
Barney: We need to talk about sister’s death.
Riff: Why, sure. I love talking about my twin sister, if not for that tragic accident.
Barney: You know, I’m gonna stop you right there. I got something I gotta tell you.
(Flashback to Barney, Baby Bop, BJ, and the kids playing near a swimming pool.)
Barney: Let’s play The Little Mermaid!
BJ: Let’s question Barney’s sexuality. Wocka wocka!
Michael: Hold on! Let me grab my floaties.
Kathy: What a nerd.
Baby Bop: Ahem. Moi will play "La Petite Mermaid".
Tina: Mermaids aren’t fat! (Smack!)
Barney: Yikes! Tina, if you only take my advice once in your natural life, take it now. Walk away.
BJ: Tosha! Tina’s hitting us again!
Barney: Yeah, who's the homo now?
(Tina beats up BJ; Tina gets hit by Barney using a wagon and knocked into the pool.)
Barney: If we do this thing, it’s our secret forever.
(All the friends agree and drown Tina in the pool.)
All the friends parody characters: Tosha!
Riff: You killed my sister?!
Barney: It was 60% self-defense. But we're kind of burying the lead here. We think sister’s come back from the grave for revenge!
Riff: Oh, sister will have her revenge…
(Riff dresses like sister, and Barney and Baby Bop scream in fear.)
Barney and Baby Bop: AAAA!!!
Sister: (attacks Kermit) 15 seconds till your death!
Baby Bop: HIIII-YAH! (Jumps to kick him, but misses) Wuh!
Sister: Here it comes! Showtime!
(Kathy talks, holding a bow and arrow.)
(Subtitle: "Get away from her, you stinkbrain!")
Sister: You can’t shoot me! Kiddies don’t even have fingers!
(Camilla fires an arrow, stabbing Sister in the head.)
Min (chuckling): That bit never gets old.