Parody cast members
- Gonzo as Stinky Peterson
- Fozzie Bear as Harold Berman
- Kermit the Frog as Arnold Shortman
- Miss Piggy as Helga Pataki
- Scooter as Sid
- Hooded Killer as La Sombra
- Dr. Bunsen Honeydew as Lorenzo
- Beaker as Eugene
- Rowlf the Dog as Curly
- Dr. Teeth as Gerald Johanssen
- Lew Zealand as Mr. Simmons
- Swedish Chef as Principal Wartz
- Animal as Curly
- Steve Martin as Dino Spumoni
- Camilla the Chicken as Lila Sawyer
- Statler as Grandpa Phil
- Waldorf as Caesar
- Penguins as the paramedics
- Skeeter as Phoebe Heyerdahl
Stinky: "For my next feat, I will walk across hot coals while explaining where the heck I am!"
La Sombra: "No!" "For your next feat, you die!"
(At Stinky's funeral and burial ceremony)
Arnold:"Stinky died as he lived, and our family will never be whole again. And now, ladies and gentlemen, Dino Spumoni, yahooooooooo!
Dino: The lord is my Sheppard, I shall not want. He makes me like..
Helga: (interrupting) "Oh, are we burying him in the city?"
(Lila panics and jumps on the casket.)
Harold: "You know, the last time a Hillwood resident died was--
Dino: (interrupting): Excuse me?
Harold: Don’t you mean, "Excuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuse me"?
Dino: ''''No, this is a funeral. I’m working. Do I come to where you work and knock the words outta your mouth?!
Arnold: Wow, Dino's working blue, but he’s right. we vowed never to talk about... that night.
(The good friends turn to look at Curly.)
Harold: And then the dad says, "The Aristocrats!" Wocka-wocka!
La Sombra: Hey, Harold, Why did the boy turn red?
Harold: I don’t know, stranger.
La Sombra: Because he was embarrassed!
Harold: (Sarcasticly claps) Wocka-wocka.
La Sombra'''': Then how about this?! Because I'm about to stab you!
(La Sombra stabs Harold in Neck and then Back)
Harold: What a show stopper.
(Falls on stage)
Grandpa Phil: See? I told you the 13 year old Jewish boy was gonna die on stage tonight.
(Grandpa Phil and Caesar laugh)
Harold: Hey guys, can you stop laughing and call me an ambulance?
Caesar: You're an ambulance!
(Grandpa Phil and Caesar laugh again)
(Harold is dragged offscreen and murdered.)
(Red wagon is rolled out on stage.)
Arnold: First Stinky, now Harold. Could we be paying the price for what we did to...
Helga: Don’t say that name, Arnold.
Arnold: Oh, Helga's telling me what to do. Wow, hey, everybody! Come here! You gotta come see this. Helga’s telling me what to do! Wow, must be a day that ends in the letters O and W!
(Spongebob carries a box of props.)
Arnold: "Oh hey, uh, Sid?"
Sid: "Oh! Hey there, Arnold.
Arnold: We need to talk about Phoebe’s death.
Sid: Why, sure. I love talking about Phoebe, if not for that tragic accident.
Arnold: You know, I’m gonna stop you right there. I got something I gotta tell you.
(Flashback to Arnold, Helga, Sid, Gerald, Harold, Phoebe and Stinky playing near a swimming pool.)
Arnold: Let’s play The Little Mermaid!
Harold: Let’s question Arnold’s sexuality. Wocka wocka!
Stinky: Hold on! Let me grab my floaties.
Phoebe: What a nerd.
Helga: Ahem. I will play "La Petite Mermaid".
Phoebe: Mermaids aren’t fat! (Smack!)
Arnold: Yikes! Phoebe, if you only take my advice once in your natural life, take it now. Walk away.
(Phoebe smacks Arnold)
Harold: Mr. Simmons! Phoebe's hitting us again!
Arnold: Yeah, who's the homo now?
(Sid beats up Phoebe; Phoebe gets hit by Arnold, using a wagon and knocked into the pool.)
Arnold: If we do this thing, it’s our secret forever.
(All the friends agree and drown Jeffrey in the pool.)
All the friends parody characters: Mr. Simmons!
Sid: You killed Phoebe?!
June: "It was 60% self-defense. But we're kind of burying the lead here. We think Phoebe's come back from the grave for revenge!
Sid: Oh, Phoebe will have her revenge…
(Sid dresses like Phoebe, and Arnold and Helga scream in fear.)
Arnold and Helga: AAAA!!!
Sid/Phoebe: (attacks Arnold) 15 seconds till your death!
Helga: HIIII-YAH! (Jumps to kick him, but misses) Wuh!
Sid/Phoebe: Here it comes! Showtime!
(Lila exclaims in anger, holding a bow and arrow.)
(Subtitle: "Get away from her, you evil witch!")
Sid/Phoebe: You can’t shoot me! Kids don’t even have shooting skills!
(Lila fires an arrow, stabbing Sid/Phoebe in the head.)
Dino(chuckling): That bit never gets old.