Parody cast members

  • Gonzo as Stinky Peterson
  • Fozzie Bear as Harold Berman
  • Kermit the Frog as Arnold Shortman
  • Miss Piggy as Helga Pataki
  • Scooter as Sid
  • Hooded Killer as La Sombra
  • Dr. Bunsen Honeydew as Lorenzo
  • Beaker as Eugene
  • Rowlf the Dog as Curly
  • Dr. Teeth as Gerald Johanssen
  • Lew Zealand as Mr. Simmons
  • Swedish Chef as Principal Wartz
  • Animal as Curly
  • Steve Martin as Dino Spumoni
  • Camilla the Chicken as Lila Sawyer
  • Statler as Grandpa Phil
  • Waldorf as Caesar
  • Penguins as the paramedics
  • Skeeter as Phoebe Heyerdahl


Stinky: "For my next feat, I will walk across hot coals while explaining where the heck I am!"

La Sombra: "No!" "For your next feat, you die!"

(At Stinky's funeral and burial ceremony)

Arnold:"Stinky died as he lived, and our family will never be whole again. And now, ladies and gentlemen, Dino Spumoni, yahooooooooo!

Dino: The lord is my Sheppard, I shall not want. He makes me like..

Helga: (interrupting) "Oh, are we burying him in the city?"

(Lila panics and jumps on the casket.)

Harold: "You know, the last time a Hillwood resident died was--

Dino: (interrupting): Excuse me?

Harold: Don’t you mean, "Excuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuse me"?

Dino: ''''No, this is a funeral. I’m working. Do I come to where you work and knock the words outta your mouth?!

Arnold: Wow, Dino's working blue, but he’s right. we vowed never to talk about... that night.

(The good friends turn to look at Curly.)

Harold: And then the dad says, "The Aristocrats!" Wocka-wocka!

La Sombra: Hey, Harold, Why did the boy turn red?

Harold: I don’t know, stranger.

La Sombra: Because he was embarrassed!

Harold: (Sarcasticly claps) Wocka-wocka.

La Sombra'''': Then how about this?! Because I'm about to stab you!

(La Sombra stabs Harold in Neck and then Back)

Harold: What a show stopper.

(Falls on stage)

Grandpa Phil: See? I told you the 13 year old Jewish boy was gonna die on stage tonight.

(Grandpa Phil and Caesar laugh)

Harold: Hey guys, can you stop laughing and call me an ambulance?

Caesar: You're an ambulance!

(Grandpa Phil and Caesar laugh again)

(Harold is dragged offscreen and murdered.)

(Red wagon is rolled out on stage.)

Arnold: First Stinky, now Harold. Could we be paying the price for what we did to...

Helga: Don’t say that name, Arnold.

Arnold: Oh, Helga's telling me what to do. Wow, hey, everybody! Come here! You gotta come see this. Helga’s telling me what to do! Wow, must be a day that ends in the letters O and W!

(Spongebob carries a box of props.)

Arnold: "Oh hey, uh, Sid?"

Sid: "Oh! Hey there, Arnold.

Arnold: We need to talk about Phoebe’s death.

Sid: Why, sure. I love talking about Phoebe, if not for that tragic accident.

Arnold: You know, I’m gonna stop you right there. I got something I gotta tell you.

(Flashback to Arnold, Helga, Sid, Gerald, Harold, Phoebe and Stinky playing near a swimming pool.)

Arnold: Let’s play The Little Mermaid!

Harold: Let’s question Arnold’s sexuality. Wocka wocka!

Stinky: Hold on! Let me grab my floaties.

Phoebe: What a nerd.

Helga: Ahem. I will play "La Petite Mermaid".

Phoebe: Mermaids aren’t fat! (Smack!)

Arnold: Yikes! Phoebe, if you only take my advice once in your natural life, take it now. Walk away.

(Phoebe smacks Arnold)

Harold: Mr. Simmons! Phoebe's hitting us again!

Arnold: Yeah, who's the homo now?

(Sid beats up Phoebe; Phoebe gets hit by Arnold, using a wagon and knocked into the pool.)

Arnold: If we do this thing, it’s our secret forever.

(All the friends agree and drown Jeffrey in the pool.)

All the friends parody characters: Mr. Simmons!

Sid: You killed Phoebe?!

June: "It was 60% self-defense. But we're kind of burying the lead here. We think Phoebe's come back from the grave for revenge!

Sid: Oh, Phoebe will have her revenge…

(Sid dresses like Phoebe, and Arnold and Helga scream in fear.)

Arnold and Helga: AAAA!!!

Sid/Phoebe: (attacks Arnold) 15 seconds till your death!

Helga: HIIII-YAH! (Jumps to kick him, but misses) Wuh!

Sid/Phoebe: Here it comes! Showtime!

(Lila exclaims in anger, holding a bow and arrow.)

(Subtitle: "Get away from her, you evil witch!")

Sid/Phoebe: You can’t shoot me! Kids don’t even have shooting skills!

(Lila fires an arrow, stabbing Sid/Phoebe in the head.)

Sid/Phoebe: Yeow!

Dino(chuckling): That bit never gets old.

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