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Parody Cast Members

  • Gonzo as Bart Simpson
  • Fozzie Bear as Waylon Smithers, Jr.
  • Kermit the Frog as Homer Simpson
  • Miss Piggy as Marge Simpson
  • Scooter as Dr. Julius Hibbert
  • Hooded Killer as Mr. Burns
  • Dr. Bunsen Honeydew as Lenny
  • Beaker as Carl
  • Rowlf the Dog as Barney Gumble
  • Dr. Teeth as Ned Flanders
  • Lew Zealand as Sideshow Bob
  • Swedish Chef as Grandpa Abe Simpson
  • Animal as Moe Syzlak
  • Steve Martin as Mayor Joe Quimby
  • Camilla the Chicken as Maude Flanders
  • Statler as Nelson Muntz
  • Waldorf as Jimbo Jones
  • Penguins as the Rod and Todd Flanders
  • Skeeter as Bernice Hibbert

Transcript

  • Bart Simpson: For my next feat, I will walk across hot coals while explaining what the hell I am.
  • Mr. Burns: No! For your next feat, you die! (The Mr. Burns fires a cannon, decapitating Bart, and Bart's headless corpse falls on the hot coals. Then the Mr. Burns throws a deflated kiddie pool onto the coals.)

(Scene cuts to Bart's funeral and burial ceremony)

  • Homer Simpson: Bart Simpson died as he lived, and our family will never be whole again. And now, ladies and gentlemen, MAYOR JOE QUIMBY! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYY!!
  • Mayor Joe Quimby: (With a prank arrow hat on his head) "The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want..."
  • Marge Simpson (interrupting): Ooh, are we burying him in a Sybian? (Maude Flanders panics and jumps on Bart's casket as it gets lowered into the ground)
  • Waylon Smithers, Jr.: You know, the last time a Simpson died was...
  • Mayor Joe Quimby (interrupting): Excuse me?
  • Waylon Smithers, Jr.: Don’t you mean, "Excuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuse me"?
  • Mayor Joe Quimby: No, this is a funeral. I’m working. Do I come to where you work and knock the thing outta your mouth?!
  • Homer Simpson: Wow, Steve’s working blue, but he’s right. We vowed never to talk about...that night. (Muppets turn to look at Dr. Julius Hibbert who is actually his sister Bernice Hibbert in disguise, who has risen from the grave. Bernice waves at them.)

(Scene cuts to Waylon Smithers, Jr. practicing for a performance)

  • Waylon Smithers Jr.:' And then the dad says, "The Aristocrats"! Wocka-wocka!
  • Mr. Burns: (appears at Waylon's door) Hey, Waylon? Why did the Smithers turn red?
  • Waylon: I don’t know, stranger.
  • Mr. Burns: Because he was emberassed!
  • Waylon: (Sarcastically claps) Wocka-wocka...
  • Mr. Burns: Then how about this? Because I gotta STAB YOU! (Killer stabs Waylon in the neck and then in the back with a knife. Waylon stumbles weakly onstage.)
  • Waylon Smithers, Jr.: What a showstopper. Ooohh! (Falls on stage)
  • Nelson Muntz: See? I told you the bear was gonna die on stage tonight. (Nelson Muntz and Jimbo Jones laugh)
  • Waylon Smithers, Jr.: Hey, guys, can you stop laughing and call me an ambulance?
  • Jimbo Jones: You're an ambulance. (Nelson Muntz and Jimbo Jones laugh again, and Waylon Smithers, Jr. is dragged offscreen by Mr. Burns and murdered. Then a red wagon is rolled out on stage)
  • Homer Simpson: (Rod and Todd Flanders roll Waylon's dead body away) First Bart, now Waylon. Could we be paying the price for what we did to...?
  • Marge Simpson: Don’t say that name, Homer.
  • Homer Simpson: OOOH, Marge Simpson’s telling me what to do. Wow, hey, everybody! Come here! You gotta come see this. Marge’s telling me what to do! Wow, must be a day that ends in Y! (Dr. Julius Hibbert walks by carrying a boxful of props) Hey, uh, Dr. Julius Hibbert?
  • Dr. Julius Hibbert: Oh! Hey there, boss.
  • Homer Simpson: We need to talk about Bernice’s death.
  • Dr. Julius Hibbert: Why, sure. I love talking about my twin sister, if not for that tragic accident...
  • Homer Simpson: You know, I’m gonna stop you right there. I got something I gotta tell you.

(Cut to a flashback of Simpson Babies)

  • Baby Homer: Let’s play The Little Mermaid!
  • Baby Waylon Smithers: Let’s question Homer’s sensuality. Wocka-wocka!
  • Baby Julius Hibbert: Hold on! Let me grab my floaties. (Leaves)
  • Baby Bernice: What a nerd.
  • Baby Marge: Ahem. Moi will play "La Petite Mermaid".
  • Baby Bernice: Mermaids aren't fat! (she shoves Baby Marge)
  • Baby Homer: Yikes! Bernice, if you only take my advice once in your natural life, take it now. Walk away. (Bernice smacks Homer)
  • Baby Waylon Smithers: NANNY! BERNICE'S HITTING US AGAIN!
  • Baby Homer: Yeah, who's the homo now?

(Bernice beats up Waylon, and Bernice gets hit in the back by Homer with a red wagon and knocked headfirst into the baby pool)

  • Baby Homer: If we do this thing, it’s our secret forever. (All Simpson Babies agree and drown Bernice in the pool)
  • All Simpson Babies: NANNY!

(Present)

  • Dr. Julius Hibbert: You killed my sister?!?
  • Homer: Yeah, well, It was 60% self-defense. But we're kind of burying the lead here. We think Bernice’s come back from the grave for revenge!
  • Dr. Julius Hibbert: Oh, Bernice will have her revenge… (Bernice reveals herself to be not actually Dr. Julius Hibbert, as well as Mr. Burns)
  • Homer and Marge Simpson: AAAAHHH!!!
  • Bernice Hibbert: (takes out knife, and thrusts it at Homer) Fifteen seconds till your death!
  • Marge Simpson: HIIII-YAH! (Jumps to kick her, but misses) Wuh!
  • Bernice Hibbert: Here it comes! Showtime! (Maude speaks, holding a bow and arrow. Subtitle: "Get away from her, you lady!")
  • Bernice Hibbert: You can’t shoot me! Flanders don’t even have fingers! (Maude fires an arrow, which runs through Bernice's head, killing her once again) OOHH!! (Falls to the floor dead with Mayor Joe Quimby behind her)
  • Mayor Joe Quimby : That bit never gets old. (Dances as funny music starts)
  • (episode and sketch ends)

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