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Parody Cast Members

  • Gonzo as Whiplash
  • Fozzie Bear as Tito Lopez
  • Kermit the Frog as Turbo
  • Miss Piggy as Burn
  • Scooter as Bobby
  • Hooded Killer as Guy Gagne
  • Dr. Bunsen Honeydew as Skidmark
  • Beaker as Angelo Lopez
  • Rowlf the Dog as Tour Bus Driver
  • Dr. Teeth as Smoove Move
  • Lew Zealand as Pluto
  • Swedish Chef as Figaro
  • Animal as Max Goof
  • Steve Martin as Kim-Ly
  • Camilla the Chicken as Paz
  • Statler as Scottish Anchor
  • Waldorf as Australian Anchor
  • Penguins as Announcer #1 and Announcer #2
  • Skeeter as Thora

Transcript

Whiplash: "For my next feat, I will walk across hot coals while explaining where the heck I am!"

Guy Gagne: "No!" "For your next feat, you die!"

(At Whiplash's funeral and burial ceremony)

Turbo: "Whiplash died as he lived, and our family will never be whole again. And now, ladies and gentlemen, Kim-Ly, yahooooooooo!

Kim-Ly: The lord is my Sheppard, I shall not want. He makes me like..

Burn: (interrupting) "Oh, are we burying him in the city?"

(Paz panics and jumps on the casket.)

Tito Lopez: "You know, the last time an ACME Acres resident died was--

Kim-Ly: (interrupting): Excuse me?

Tito Lopez: Don’t you mean, "Excuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuse me"?

Kim-Ly: No, this is a funeral. I’m working. Do I come to where you work and knock the words outta your mouth?!

Turbo: Wow, Kim-Ly's working blue, but he’s right, we vowed never to talk about... that night.

(The good friends turn to look at Bobby.)

Tito Lopez: And then the dad says, "The Aristocrats!" Wocka-wocka!

Guy Gagne: Hey, Tito, Why did the guy turn red?

Tito Lopez: I don’t know, stranger.

Guy Gagne: Because he was embarrassed!

Tito Lopez: (Sarcasticly claps) Wocka-wocka.

Guy Gagne: Then how about this?! Because I'm about to stab you!

(Guy Gagne stabs Tito Lopez in Neck and then Back)

Tito Lopez: What a show stopper.

(Falls on stage)

Scottish Anchor: See? I told you the man was gonna die on stage tonight.

(Scottish Anchor and Australian Anchor laugh)

Tito Lopez: Hey guys, can you stop laughing and call me an ambulance?

Australian Anchor: You're an ambulance!

(Scottish Anchor and Australian Anchor laugh again)

(Tito Lopez is dragged offscreen and murdered.)

(Red wagon is rolled out on stage.)

Turbo: First Whiplash, now Tito. Could we be paying the price for what we did to...

Burn: Don’t say that name, Turbo.

Turbo: Oh, Burn is telling me what to do, wow, hey, everybody! Come here! You gotta come see this. Bs is telling me what to do! Wow, must be a day that ends in the letters O and W!

(Bobby carries a box of props.)

Turbo: "Oh hey, uh, Bobby?"

Bobby: "Oh! hey dere, Turbo.

Turbo: We need to talk about Thora's death.

Bobby: Why, sure. I love talkin' about my brother, if not fo' dat tragic accident.

Turbo: You know, I’m gonna stop you right there. I got something I gotta tell you.

(Flashback to Turbo, Burn, Bobby, Smoove Moove Tito Lopez, Thora and Tour Bus Driver playing near a swimming pool.)

Turbo: Let’s play The Little Mermaid!

Tito Lopez: Let’s question Turbo’s sensuality. Wocka wocka!

Tour Bus Driver: Hold on! Let me grab my floaties.

Thora: What a nerd.

Burn: Ahem. I will play "La Petite Mermaid".

Thora: Mermaids aren’t fat! (Smack!)

Turbo: Yikes! Thora, if you only take my advice once in your natural life, take it now. Walk away.

(Thora smacks Turbo)

Tito Lopez: White Shadow! Thora is hitting us again!

Turbo: Yeah, who's the homo now?

(Smoove Move beats up Thora; Thora gets hit by Turbo, using a wagon and knocked into the pool.)

Turbo: If we do this thing, it’s our secret forever.

(All the friends agree and drown Thora in the pool.)

All the friends parody characters: White Shadow!

Bobby: You killed my brother?!?

Turbo: "It was 60% self-defense. But we're kind of burying the lead here. We think Thora has come back from the grave for revenge!

Bobby: Oh, Thora will have his revenge…

(Bobby dresses like Thora, and Turbo and Burn scream in fear.)

Turbo and Burn: AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!

Bobby/Thora: (attacks Turbo) 15 seconds 'til your death!

Burn: HIIII-YAH! (Jumps to kick him, but misses) Wuh!

Bobby/Thora: Here it comes! Showtime!

(Paz exclaims in anger, holding a bow and arrow.)

(Subtitle: "Get away from her, you evil praying mantis!")

Bobby/Thora: You can’t shoot me! Humans don’t even have shooting skills!

(Paz fires an arrow, stabbing Bobby/Thora in the head.)

Bobby/Thora: Yeow!

Kim-Ly (chuckling): That bit never gets old. 

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