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Where's the man who'll lead us all?
Through the Christmas Wars?
Is he waiting for us
Behind the door

Snatter Claus?

Deep into the mists of time
Snatter has been hurled
Now he's coming back to save the wooooooooorld!

Snatter- he's flying through the night
He's here to excite
And to make you feel Christmas-y
He's wearing a hat
It's all magic and that
So he'll foil Anti-Snatter schemes

Snatter- he'll come in your distress
It's in your interest
If dealing
With restive reeling
It's best
If he brings some festive feelings
And asks you to join his team

Snatter- you'll know when he's appeared!
His superlative beard
Makes the ladies cry out with glee!
Men fall to their knees
And the tinsel that appears on the trees
Decorates all the world with a crisp Christmas-y theme!

Stuff such as sleigh bells
And cinnamon and sim'lar smells
Special notices outside hotels
Book a dinner in advance
Fireplaces and chimney stacks
Special offers on paperbacks
And new socks and new pants

Snatter- he'll never let us down
You can see him in town
Or at least someone dressed as him
He's riding his sleigh
In a special new old-fashioned way
When it comes to the crop there's no doubt Snatter's the cream

Christmastime, as we know, does not run smoothly every year (Oh, no, why not?)
Good and bad befall Snatter and the latter's happened here
Waking up, shaking up, battered and bruised
He tried to think why he was lost and confused
Searching uncertain, he started his journey to try and gather some clues-

-A tribe of lowly snowmads traipse across the frostblown plains!
Their frozen hearts are aching now and ice flows through their veins!
Their town destroyed, they stumble through what little still remains
Oh where is the hero who can help
All of them yelp
Oh where is the hero who can-

Hell resides in the eyes of the Anti-Snatter
Locked away with his quantum ray, he fashions his schemes...

Snatter clambering out through the snow
He's a little disheveled, though
And he seems not to know
What has gone wrong
Make him a broth and let's give him some room
Back a way up and come back to him soon
Give him a nod and a smile
Give him a while, shouldn't be long-

-Back at the castle, day and night (Day and night!)
Snatter's friends prepare for a fight (For a fight!)
Fortify turrets, block the gates (Fortify gates!)
Guard against Peter's meaner traits.
But while all the weapons are made
They still find the time
To decorate! (The time to decorate)
So for a festive (Festive!)
Elfy (Elfy!)
Seasonal Christmas and yule (Seasonal Christmas and yule)
You'll be right at home (You'll be right at home)
In our little school (Our little schoolx5)
Tinsel and baubles, hung on trees
Snatter's friends enjoy having these (They don't need a reason, maybe)
They can all feel it drawing near
Their favourite time of year- (The festive season, baby)
They've got an wintry workshop (Workshop)
They famously employ it (Ho ho ho)
They hang a bit of holly (holly)
And jolly well enjoy it!
Preparing for the Yuletide! (Yuletide!)
Yuletide! Whatever keeps them busy (Busy)
It's always pleasant (Always pleasant)
Preparing presents (Preparing presents)
When Christmas rolls around!

There is a robot made of spoons
Opposed by fanboys, nerds, and goons
G1ers love their old cartoons
So watch them wriggle
Pick holes and niggle
And soon they'll see
His reign is not to be
For they will wiggle he

There are nerds who use their words in kindness
There are nerds who just moan and complain
And these sit fuming
When December is looming
With one thing that they share but can't contain
Spare a thought for all the nerds at Christmas
Just watch them getting angrier
Nerds at Christmas
They stay at home just watching their children's cartoons on DVD
While pretending to watch ironically!
Well, Nerds at Christmas
Oh, it's far too commercialized
Nerds at Christmas
I truly believe
If you asked them to list career goals
Their main ambition's picking holes

Cranium Nerds like this must see
Anything vaguely Christmas-y
As some kind of untenable affront
to all they think life should be!
So they're gonna rant on YouTube!
(ba ba ba ba ba ba ba!)
They're gonna count on you to break and cry
Christmas is just another of their parent's liiiiiiiiies!

Rudolph, Rudolph, had a shiny nose
And if you ever looked at it
You would say it glows a bit
All of the other reindeer
Used to call him names
They never let poor Rudolph
Join their games!
Then one foggy Christmas eve
Snatter came to say
"Rudolph, with your nose so bright
Won't you guide my sleigh tonight?"
And then all the reindeer loved him
Shouted out with glee,
"Rudolph, you will go down in our

And what of the snowman
Who had bravely saved the day?
But his people felt
That they'd as soon not melt
In the sun's unfeeling rays!
Cursed now to linger
Where the light is slight and dim-
And to make things worse they're aware their curse
Came about because of him!
But as a shadow grips the snow
The North Pole holds its breath
As two great titans wreck the place
In a battle to the death!
Soooo, where is that snowman
Has he melted clean away?
No one really cares
For as long as there's
A massive crunch
As a giant claw
Leaves a massive dent
In a giant jaw
It's a massive shame!
That much is sure!

Why's this battle
Raging that'll
Shake us to our roots?
Christmas ninjas
Fighting in the trademark coloured suits!
Their will is strong, their past is...chequered
They're here to save us in their mechas
So wiiiiiiiiiggle he
And don't stop until he's wiiiiiiiigglyyyy!
Wiiiiiiiiiiiggle he!

Wheezing, sweating, and slowly hobbling
Paunches swinging and neckbeards wobbling
Leaving deeper footprints than anybody else
Look at the nerds emerging into the snow!

Nerds, united angrily
In the cold, beholden he
Disbelieving, clamouring
To demonstrate their scorn!
What more violence can they do to he
But to level their deepest scrutiny?

Grabbing gears and grasping gaskets
Snatching spoons in metal and plastic
Handling hydraulics and wielding (whizzing?) wheels
Look at the nerds converge on their festive foe!
Wiiiiiiiiiggle he! (x4)

He's been wiggled by the Christmas Ninjas
He's been wiggled by pedantic nerds
But what about the friendly mecha-Snatter
Who would also like to have some words?
They've been going for a good few hours now
Mecha-Snatters on opposing sides
And it's weird that no-one here can tell us who it is
That's piloting the one that's nice

And as we recognize who's in the cockpit
Somebody raises the call
"We're sorry that we ever doubted you!
Please forgive us all!
And come and save us Mr. Snowman!
Now you're driving in a massive mech!
We're all behind you!"
Happy Christmas!
(Happy Christmas!)
Happy Chriiiiiiiistmas!

Now the Snowman's in the clear!
He'll be back again next year!
When your hands idly fall upon a scarf
A satsuma and some coooooooal!

So the snowmans reunite!
And the spirits are alright!
And overhead there's a twinkling
And it sets something jingling in their souuuuuls!
Just watch them go!
Is that Rudolph painting starlight through the sky?
Look to his light, but never look him in the eyeeeeeeee!

Blinking 'eck! Look at this!
What's he only gone and done?
Snatter's waltzed in and saved the world again!
Every Christmas every year he saves us all from something eerie
Gonna hear me theory as to how!
Says the ancient-decreed legendary prophecy
Should the time and the fates allow
In the near ol' land there will be born a hero
And we all know his name by now!
(Tell us again, though, maybe?)
Snatter Claus, look at him go, whizzing around
Wearing a coat and boots, having a beard!
Is he a man or beast?
Is he an elf? Is he an imp?
Or is he bioengineered?

I once saw some footprints in some snow
Which proved he'd been on my lawn!
There's been a rainbow haze up in the sky over the Pole
Ever since Snaaaaaaaatteeeeeeeeerr Claaaaaaaaus waaaaas borrrrrn-

-Snatter Claus, checking his list, drinking his tea
Here when the sun goes down,
Gone with the dawn!
Looks a bit like your dad
But with more beard than he ever had
Doesn't it make you glad?
Magic that Snaaaaaaaatteeeeeeeeerr Clauuuuuuus iiiis booooo-


Wiggle he!

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