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You Can't Win & Other Thomas Stories (August 1997) - Full Script is Pikachufreak's idea.

Description

  • Here's the full script to You Can't Win & Other Thomas Stories, which is released on August 19, 1997. Stories and song in order: You Can't Win, Come Out Henry, Fish, Whistles and Sneezes, Henry and The Elephant, Bulldog, and Gone Fishing.

Characters

  • Thomas
  • Edward
  • Henry
  • Gordon
  • James
  • Percy
  • Toby
  • Duck
  • Duke
  • Sir Handel
  • Peter Sam
  • Sir Topham Hatt
  • Annie and Clarabel
  • Duncan (cameo)
  • Bertie (cameo)

Transcript

  • (We open this video with the Video Treasures Tracking Control)
  • (We then show the Video Treasures FBI Warning)
  • (We then go to the 1987-1997 Video Treasures logo)
  • (The Britt Allcroft Presents logo soon appears)
  • (The version 2 of Thomas US Season 4 intro then follows and we begin You Can't Win)
  • George Carlin: Duke is the hero of all the engines. This is a story about him. It happened long ago when Peter Sam was called Stuart and Sir Handel Falcon. Many people came year after year to see the mountains and the lakes and most of all, Duke. He always pulled his train, even on days when he didn't feel well.
  • Duke: I mustn't disappoint my friends.
  • George Carlin: He would say. Every morning he took his passengers up the line and stops everywhere they want him.
  • Duke: Peep peep!
  • George Carlin: He whistled.
  • Duke: Please be ready when I come back to you. Otherwise we might miss your boat to the mainland and that would never do.
  • George Carlin: One day, Duke didn't feel well. He was short of steam and needed to rest. His driver and fireman had just finish clearing his tubes when Stuart bustled in.
  • Stuart: Hello, Granpuff!
  • George Carlin: He teased.
  • Stuart: Are you short of puff?
  • Duke: Nothing of the sort. This is routine maintenance.
  • Stuart: Tell you what.
  • George Carlin: Went on Stuart.
  • Stuart: You're getting old. We must take care of you in case you breakdown.
  • Duke: Hmmph!
  • George Carlin: Hooshed Duke.
  • Duke: That'll be the day.
  • George Carlin: Duke couldn't stay cross for long. It was a lovely evening.
  • Duke: Couldn't be better! Couldn't be better!
  • George Carlin: He trundled happily. They began to climb, but Duke didn't mind.
  • Duke: I've plenty of steam.
  • George Carlin: He puffed.
  • Duke: We'll be up in the couple of puffs.
  • George Carlin: But soon, Duke's puffs changed to wheezes. He vows were leaking steam.
  • Duke: It's not so easy, it's not so easy.
  • George Carlin: He croaked.
  • Duke: But I'll manage.
  • George Carlin: At last they reached the station. Duke's driver was examine him carefully. Anxious passengers waited for news.
  • Conductor: Duke is going to take you to the harbour, but he might be late.
  • George Carlin: Said the conductor.
  • Conductor: So two engines are coming to help. You'll still catch your boat.
  • George Carlin: Falcon buffered up in front.
  • Falcon: Poor old Granpuff. What a shame you broken down.
  • Stuart: Peep peep peep!
  • George Carlin: Teased Stuart.
  • Stuart: This is the day!
  • George Carlin: He was coupled on behind.
  • Falcon: Are you ready?
  • George Carlin: Whistled Falcon.
  • Stuart: Yes I am!
  • George Carlin: Replied Stuart and away they went. When the reach the next station, the cavalcade split up. Falcon took Duke's passengers to the boat. Stuart headed Falcon's train with Duke coupled behind.
  • Stuart: Fancy me rescuing Granpuff! This is the day! This is the day!
  • George Carlin: He boasted.
  • Stuart: Poor old engine! Poor old engine!
  • George Carlin: But Duke still have plenty of steam left at him. His vows sounded worse when they were. He and his driver had their own little joke ready. They waited until they reached the hill.
  • Driver: Now!
  • George Carlin: Said his driver. Duke puffed and roared though he was pushing a whole trains' weight before him. The noise echoed everywhere. When they reach the last station, everyone cheered.
  • Boy: What happened?
  • George Carlin: Asked the boy.
  • Boy: They don't usually need two engines.
  • Father: Well.
  • George Carlin: Replied his father.
  • Father: Stuart broke down. Duke had to help him. It sounds as if he had a hard job too.
  • George Carlin: Duke and his drivers' joke had worked.
  • Stuart: Fiddlesticks!
  • George Carlin: Explained Stuart and he vanished in a cloud of steam. Duke wheezed alongside.
  • Duke: Poor old engine!
  • George Carlin: He teased.
  • Duke: It's no good, Stuart. You can't win.
  • (A nameplate sequence occurs and we begin Come Out Henry)
  • George Carlin: Once an engine attached to a train was afraid of a few drops of rain. It went into a tunnel and squeaked through its funnel, and wouldn't come out again.
  • (Edward's whistle blows)
  • George Carlin: The engine's name is Henry. His driver and fireman argued with him, but he would not move.
  • Henry: The rain would spoil my lovely green paint and red stripes.
  • George Carlin: He said.
  • (The conductor's whistle blowing)
  • George Carlin: The conductor blew his whistle till he had no more breath, and waved his flag till his arms ached, but Henry still stayed in the tunnel and blew steam at him.
  • Henry: I'm not going to spoil my lovely green paint and red stripes for you.
  • George Carlin: Then, along came Sir Topham Hatt, the man of charge of all the engines on the Island of Sodor.
  • Sir Topham Hatt: We will pull you out.
  • George Carlin: Said Sir Topham Hatt. But Henry only blew steam at him. Everyone pulled except Sir Topham Hatt.
  • Sir Topham Hatt: Because...
  • George Carlin: He said.
  • Sir Topham Hatt: ...my doctor has forbidden me to pull.
  • George Carlin: But still, Henry stayed in the tunnel. Then, they tried pushing from the other end. Sir Topham Hatt said...
  • Sir Topham Hatt; One, two, three, push!
  • George Carlin: ...but he didn't help.
  • Sir Topham Hatt: My doctor has forbbiden me to push.
  • George Carlin: He said. They pushed, and pushed, and pushed, but still, Henry stayed in the tunnel. At last, Thomas came along. The conductor waved his red flag and stopped him. Everyone argued with Henry.
  • Everyone: Look, it has stopped raining.
  • George Carlin: They said.
  • Henry: Yes, but it will began again soon.
  • George Carlin: Said Henry.
  • Henry: And what will become with green paint with red stripes then?
  • (Thomas arrives at that moment)
  • George Carlin: Thomas pushed and puffed and pushed as hard as ever he could.
  • (Thomas attempts to push)
  • George Carlin: But still Henry stayed in the tunnel.
  • (Thomas continues to push but fails)
  • George Carlin: Eventually, even Sir Topham Hatt gave up.
  • Sir Topham Hatt: We shall take away your rails...
  • George Carlin: He said.
  • Sir Topham Hatt: ...and leave you here until you're ready to come out of the tunnel.
  • George Carlin: They took up the old rails, and built a wall in front of Henry, so the other engines wouldn't bump into him.
  • (Everyone locks Henry in the tunnel with bricks)
  • George Carlin: All Henry could do was to watch the trains rushing through the other tunnel. He was very sad, because he thought no one would see his lovely green paint and red stripes again. As time went on, Edward and Gordon would often pass by. Edward would say...
  • Edward: Peep, peep! Hello!
  • George Carlin: And Gordon would say...
  • Gordon: Boop, boop, boop! Serves you right!
  • George Carlin: Poor Henry had no steam to answer. His fire had gone out. Soot and dirt from the tunnel had spoilt his lovely green paint with red stripes anyway. How long do you think Henry would stay in the tunnel before he overcomes his fear of the rain, but then decides to journey out again?
  • (Another nameplate sequence occurs and we begin Fish)
  • George Carlin: On starry night when the moon is full and the air still, you can hear the sounds of faraway ships and distant laughter. They echoed over the hills and through the valleys, down calm canals and sleepy inlits. Every engine knows that these are the sounds that say the harbour is hard at work at the big station by the sea. One night, a special load of fish was ordered. Sir Topham Hatt decided that extra vans must be added to the train that the men called The Flying Kipper. The only vans available were old ones. They had not been used for a long time. Henry waited impatiently by the keyside as Duck shunted them into position. Thomas puffed by with the mail train.
  • Thomas: Hello, Duck. Going fishing? I'd take care if I were you.
  • Duck: Why?
  • George Carlin: Huffed Duck.
  • Thomas: Well for one thing...
  • George Carlin: Puffed Thomas remembering his own experience.
  • Thomas: ...if fish get into an engine's boiler they always cause trouble. And for another, fish can be awfully smelly. And I know what I'm talking about. Good night.
  • George Carlin: Henry grunted dreadfully.
  • Henry's Driver: You'll just have to put up with it, Henry.
  • George Carlin: Said his driver.
  • Henry's Driver: At least the extra load will mean you can have another engine help us up Gordon's Hill.
  • (Henry puffs away)
  • George Carlin: Meanwhile, Duck was waiting at Edward's station so that he could help the heavy train by pushing from behind. Henry made good progress. When he reached the platform his driver stopped the train beyond the platform. Then Henry gave a special signal.
  • Henry: Peep, peep, peep, peep! I need help please?
  • Duck: Peep, peep!
  • George Carlin: Replied Duck.
  • Duck: I won't be long.
  • George Carlin: Duck buffered gently up to Henry's train. He was not coupled on. Henry would then be able to run on without stopping when they reached the top of the hill.
  • Duck: Ready!
  • George Carlin: Whistled Duck and off they went. Soon they reached Gordon's Hill.
  • Henry: Push hard, push hard.
  • George Carlin: Puffed Henry.
  • Duck: We're doing it, we're doing it.
  • George Carlin: Replied Duck. Henry was pulling his train harder than he realized.
  • (The lamp from the fourth van comes off all of a sudden)
  • George Carlin: Duck felt the weight on his buffers slacking. Then Duck noticed something else.
  • Duck: There's no sign of a tail lamp.
  • George Carlin: He thought. He whistled, but there was no reply. Meanwhile Henry had noticed something too.
  • Henry: My train's getting heavier.
  • George Carlin: He thought to himself.
  • Henry: I'm slowing down.
  • George Carlin: Then there was trouble.
  • (Duck smashes into the vans, causing Henry to come to a stop)
  • George Carlin: No one was hurt. But a strong smell of fish hung in the air. Next day, workmen found a broken tail lamp at the bottom of the hill. Sir Topham Hatt spoke kindly to Duck.
  • Sir Topham Hatt: The accident wasn't your fault. We should've checked that this tail lamp was fixed on properly. We'll soon have you in working order again.
  • Duck: Thank you, sir.
  • George Carlin: Said Duck sadly.
  • Duck: Thomas told me to be careful with fish. They got me in a right pickle, didn't they?
  • (Another nameplate sequence occurs and we begin Whistles and Sneezes)
  • George Carlin: Gordon was cross.
  • Gordon: Why should Henry have a new shape?
  • George Carlin: He grumbled.
  • Gordon: A shape good enough for me is good enough for him. He goes gallivanting off, leaving us to do his work, and comes back saying how happy he feels. It's disgraceful. And there's another thing: Henry whistles too much. No respectable engine ever whistles loudly at stations. It isn't wrong, but we just don't do it.
  • George Carlin: Poor Henry didn't feel happy anymore.
  • Percy: Never mind.
  • George Carlin: Whispered Percy.
  • Percy: I'm glad you're home again. I like your whistling.
  • Gordon: Goodbye, Henry.
  • George Carlin: Called Gordon.
  • Gordon: We're glad to have you with us again. But remember what I said.
  • George Carlin: Later, Henry stopped at Edward's station.
  • Edward: Hello, Henry.
  • George Carlin: Said Edward.
  • Edward: You look splendid. I was pleased to hear your happy whistle yesterday.
  • Henry: Thank you, Edward.
  • George Carlin: Smiled Henry.
  • (We hear a screeching noise)
  • Henry: Shh, shh. Can you hear something?
  • Edward: It sounds like Gordon.
  • George Carlin: Said Edward.
  • Edward: And it ought to be Gordon. But Gordon never whistles like that.
  • George Carlin: It was Gordon. He came rushing down the hill of a tremendous rate. He didn't look at Henry and he didn't look at Edward. He screamed straight through the station and disappeared.
  • Edward: Well.
  • George Carlin: Said Edward.
  • Henry: It isn't wrong.
  • George Carlin: Chuckled Henry.
  • Henry: But we just don't do it.
  • George Carlin: And he told Edward what Gordon had said. Meanwhile, Gordon screeched along the line. The noise was awful. At the station, everyone covered their ears. Sir Topham Hatt covered his ears too.
  • Sir Topham Hatt: Take him away!
  • George Carlin: He bellowed.
  • Sir Topham Hatt: And stop that noise!
  • George Carlin: Gordon puffed sadly away. But he wouldn't stop whistling until two fitters climbed up and knocked his whistle valve in place.
  • (Two fitters fix Gordon's whistle with progress)
  • George Carlin: That night, Gordon slunked into the shed. He was glad it was empty.
  • Henry: It isn't wrong.
  • George Carlin: Murmured Henry to no one in particular.
  • Henry: But we just don't do it.
  • George Carlin: No one mentioned whistles. Next morning, Henry was enjoying himself enormously.
  • Henry: I feel so well, I feel so well.
  • George Carlin: He sang.
  • Coaches: Trickety-trock, trickety-trock.
  • George Carlin: Hummed his coaches. Then he saw some boys on a bridge.
  • Henry: Peep-peep. Hello.
  • George Carlin: He whistled.
  • (The boys smash the coaches' windows with stones)
  • Henry: Ohh.
  • George Carlin: He called. The boys didn't wave and take his number. They thought it fun to drop stones on him instead.
  • Coaches: They've broken our glass, they've broken our glass.
  • George Carlin: Cried the coaches. The passengers weren't hurt, but they were cross.
  • Passengers: Call the police!
  • Henry's Driver: No.
  • George Carlin: Said the driver.
  • Henry's Driver: Leave it to Henry and me.
  • Passengers: What will you do?
  • George Carlin: They asked.
  • Passengers: Can you keep a secret?
  • Henry: Yes, yes.
  • Henry's Driver: Well then.
  • George Carlin: Said the driver.
  • Henry's Driver: Henry is going to sneeze at those boys.
  • George Carlin: Lots of people were at the station just before the bridge. They wanted to see what would happen.
  • Henry's Driver: Henry has plenty of ashes.
  • George Carlin: Said the driver.
  • Henry's Driver: Please keep all windows shut until we haved passed the bridge. Henry's is excited as we are. Aren't you, old fellow?
  • George Carlin: Henry felt more stuffed up. Soon, they could see the boys. And they all had stones.
  • Henry's Driver: Are you ready, Henry?
  • George Carlin: Said his driver.
  • Henry's Driver: Sneeze hard when I tell you. Now.
  • George Carlin: He said.
  • Henry: Ah-choo!
  • (Henry sneezes at the boys and they were covered in ashes)
  • Henry's Driver: Well done, Henry.
  • George Carlin: Laughed his driver. Henry went home, hoping that next time he saw Gordon and the boys, they would have learned not to be so mean.
  • (Another nameplate sequence occurs and we begin Henry and The Elephant)
  • George Carlin: Thomas the Tank Engine puffed happily along his branch line with Annie and Clarabel. Sir Topham Hatt was waiting on the platform. He looked at his watch.
  • Sir Topham Hatt: Well done, Thomas. You're right on time and really reliable.
  • Thomas: Thank you, Sir.
  • George Carlin: Whistled Thomas.
  • Annie and Clarabel: Ooh, right on time and really reliable.
  • George Carlin: Hummed the coaches. But the big engines were not feeling cheerful at all.
  • Henry: Where's Percy?
  • George Carlin: Mumbled Henry.
  • Henry: He suppose to fetch our coaches.
  • James: We get no rest.
  • George Carlin: Complained James. He edged angrily onto the turntable and spoke rudely to Henry.
  • James: What's the matter, Henry? There's no rain today. Stop worrying and do some work instead.
  • Henry: I'm not afraid of getting wet anymore.
  • George Carlin: Huffed Henry.
  • Henry: Anyway, you looked silly enough to be a clown you should join the circus.
  • Percy: Oh.
  • George Carlin: Whistled Percy.
  • Percy: So you heard the news?
  • Gordon: What news?
  • Percy: About the circus.
  • James: Percy, what are you talking about?
  • Percy: The circus has arrived.
  • George Carlin: Explained Percy.
  • Percy: I've been shunting special cars. Sir Topham Hatt need your help too.
  • George Carlin: The engines soon forgot to be tired and cross. Until it was time for the circus to leave. Then Gordon and Henry were cross all over again when James got to pull the train away. A little later Sir Topham Hatt returned.
  • Sir Topham Hatt: Come along, Henry. A tunnel has blocked down the line. You must take some workmen to investigate.
  • Henry: Pushing cars, pushing cars.
  • George Carlin: Grumbled Henry. They stopped outside the tunnel. The workmen went inside. It was very dark and quiet. But not for long.
  • (Elephant trumpeting)
  • Workmen: Help!
  • George Carlin: Shouted the workmen and they ran out.
  • (The Workmen race out of the tunnel)
  • Workman: We started to dig at the block but it grunted and moved.
  • George Carlin: One said.
  • Foreman: Rubbish!
  • George Carlin: Said the foreman.
  • Workman: It's not rubbish. It's big and alive. We're not going in there again.
  • Foreman: Right.
  • George Carlin: Said the foreman.
  • Foreman: I'll ride in the cars and Henry shall push it out.
  • Henry: Weesh!
  • George Carlin: Said Henry unhappily. He had been shut in the tunnel for being afraid of the rain but this was worse. Something big and alive was inside.
  • Henry: Peep! Peep! I don't want to go in.
  • Driver: Neither do I.
  • George Carlin: Said his driver.
  • Driver: But we must clear the line.
  • Henry: Oh, dear. Oh, dear.
  • George Carlin: Huffed Henry.
  • (Henry goes into the tunnel)
  • George Carlin: Then there was trouble. The block was indeed alive and very strong it began to push the train backwards. Out of the tunnel came Henry, then the cars and last of all a large cross elephant.
  • (Elephant trumpeting)
  • Foreman: Well I never!
  • George Carlin: Cried the foreman. The workmen gave him some cake.
  • (Elephant trumpeting)
  • George Carlin: He drank three buckets of water and it was just about to drink another when Henry let off steam.
  • (Elephant trumpets)
  • George Carlin: Cried the elephant. Water went all over Henry. Poor Henry! The elephant and his keeper was so reunited, but Henry was most upset.
  • Henry: An elephant pushed me! An elephant hoosed me!
  • George Carlin: That night, he told the other engines all about it. Gordon and James felt sorry for Henry, but still teased him.
  • Gordon: First the rain, then an elephant. Whatever will you be afraid of next?
  • Thomas: Never mind, Henry.
  • George Carlin: Murmured Thomas.
  • Thomas: I think you are brave today, and really reliable too.
  • (Another nameplate sequence occurs and we begin Bulldog)
  • George Carlin: One morning, Percy was impatience. He was wearing a new coat of paint and long for everyone to see it. The other engines were still dozing, but not Percy.
  • Percy: Driver should be here by now. What's he doing?
  • Gordon: Sleeping.
  • George Carlin: Grunted Gordon.
  • Percy: But that means I'll be late. The coaches will be waiting and the passengers will get cross.
  • Henry: Rubbish!
  • George Carlin: Huffed Henry.
  • James: It's still early.
  • George Carlin: Added James.
  • James: You just wanna showoff.
  • Percy: No I don't.
  • Thomas: Never mind, Percy.
  • George Carlin: Said Thomas.
  • Thomas: It'll soon be time for work, but be careful, or you might run into danger and Duke is not here to save you.
  • Toby: D-D-Duke?
  • George Carlin: Stuttered Toby.
  • Toby: You mean our hero?
  • George Carlin: A large painting of Duke hung on the engine shed.
  • Thomas: The very same.
  • George Carlin: Said Thomas.
  • Thomas: Driver told me the story. Listen.
  • George Carlin: And this is the story Thomas told them. Long ago, when Peter Sam was still called Stuart and Sir Handel Falcon, they worked with Duke on his own railway, but Falcon still had a lot to learn. The manager came to see him.
  • Manager: Falcon, I'm pleased with your work so far. Now you must learn the difficult part of the line. We call it "The Mountain Road".
  • George Carlin: Falcon was excited.
  • Falcon: Yes please, sir.
  • Manager: So tomorrow, when you have a new coat of paint, you will go on it. Duke will explain everything.
  • Falcon: Huh!
  • George Carlin: Thought Falcon.
  • Falcon: Duke's an old fusspot.
  • George Carlin: Next day came.
  • Duke: Listen.
  • George Carlin: Warned Duke.
  • Duke: The mountain road is difficult. I'll lead.
  • Falcon: No.
  • George Carlin: Replied Falcon.
  • Falcon: I'll lead. How can I learn the road with you lumbering ahead and blocking the view?
  • Duke: Suit yourself.
  • George Carlin: Said Duke.
  • Duke: But never mind the view. Look at the track.
  • George Carlin: The engines set off.
  • Duke: Look at the track.
  • George Carlin: Puffed Duke.
  • Duke: Never mind the view.
  • Falcon: Fusspot, fusspot.
  • George Carlin: Replied Falcon.
  • Falcon: Fuddy-duddy, fuddy-duddy, fuddy-duddy.
  • George Carlin: The engines' speed grew slower and slower.
  • Falcon: Don't dawdle, don't dawdle!
  • George Carlin: Urged Falcon.
  • Duke: No hurry, no hurry.
  • George Carlin: Puffed Duke. Soon they approach the tunnel. Falcon didn't like the tunnel. It was curved and he couldn't see.
  • Falcon: I wanna get out! I wanna get out!
  • George Carlin: He sighed. One moment, everything seemed safe. But then suddenly...
  • (Falcon falls into the edge)
  • George Carlin: Falcon was derailed and hung dangerously over the edge. Duke bravely held on with all of his strength.
  • Falcon: Stop shaking!
  • George Carlin: He called.
  • Falcon: I can't hold you if you shake!
  • George Carlin: Duke's driver and fireman work quickly to make the two engines safe again. Then came more trouble.
  • Fireman: Water!
  • George Carlin: Cried Duke's fireman.
  • Fireman: Duke needs water quickly!
  • George Carlin: Luckily there was the workers' cottage nearby. Soon everyone was passing jugs, buckets, kettles and saucepans filled with water until Duke's first was quinched. All the while, Duke was building more strength. At last, when everyone's help, he was able to pull Falcon back on to the rails.
  • (Duke pulls Falcon back on the rails)
  • George Carlin: Then they started off once more. The manager was waiting at the top station. He apologized with the accident.
  • Passengers: Your Duke...
  • George Carlin: Said the passengers.
  • Passengers: Is a hero! He stirm firmed like a bulldog and wouldn't let go.
  • George Carlin: Falcon was greatful too.
  • Falcon: Thank you for saving me, Duke. I didn't know you bothered after I've been so rude.
  • Duke: Oh well.
  • George Carlin: Replied Duke.
  • Duke: You just had a new coat of paint. It wouldn't been a pity if you rolled down the mountain and spoiled it.
  • (Another nameplate sequence occurs and we begin Gone Fishing)
  • Children: (singing) Sometimes it's nice to take some time out. Do what you really want to do. Just to relax and let the world fly by you. Forget your worry, no need to hurry. Just leave a sign to say... Gone fishing, gone fishing. It's a sunny old day and you're on your way, Gone fishing. Gone fishing, Gone fishing. It's a sunny old day and you're on your way. Why don't we all go fishing? You drop your line down to the river, Waiting to see what you can find. Whatever life has to offer you. You know you'll take it, stand up and face it, Smiling along the way. Gone fishing, gone fishing. It's a sunny old day and you're on your way, Gone fishing. Gone fishing, Gone fishing. It's a sunny old day and you're on your way. Why don't we all go fishing? There's nothing better on a sunny day, When all your work is done. Throw down your line, settle down. Surprise, surprise, look what you've found. Gone fishing, gone fishing. It's a sunny old day and you're on your way, Gone fishing. Gone fishing, Gone fishing. It's a sunny old day and you're on your way. Why don't we all go fishing? It's a sunny old day and you're on your way... Gone fishing!
  • (We see the Thomas end credits with Thomas looking at us)
  • (While the end credits roll, the Thomas end theme plays)
  • (After that, the A Britt Allcroft Production logo appear)
  • (And finally, we see the Video Treasures logo)

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